I Will Never Forgive My Father

I think my father has been a huge contributing factor towards my general downfall. I never related to my father in anyway shape or form, he likes football I like video games, he like movies that are popular at the time I like obscurer films from all over the world and from all time periods, he reads the newspaper I read sci-fi and fantasy books and “underground” news forums, he is a bricklayer I am a nerd, he thinks 4.5% alcohol to volume ratio is light beer I think he’s an idiot. Trust me I could go on and on and on with this but I think you get the picture by now… As a result of our incompatibility he simply ignored me as a child and left me without a father figure not matter how much I (or my mother) tried. I remember once when I was young he was forced by my mother to take me to see one of the Star Trek movies and the dumb **** wouldn’t shut up with his moronic questions “how is that real – it’s a sci-fi movie dad the technology they have did it, how would that guy know that, why does he talk so funny – because he’s an android dad” I was so embarrassed (and still am) to call him my father. At times when I was younger I thought I must have been adopted because there is no way I could have been created using part of this ****heads DNA. Later on in life not long after mum and dad broke up I didn’t see him for months on end. Then one day he calls me up and asks me if I would like to go to some expo with him, I was ecstatic to think he wanted me in his life, he turned up with his new girlfriend (who obviously forced him for us to meet again) and her child, once more I was again sorely disappointed and hurt. Even further on in life I was going through a tough period in my life and was living with my grandmother (from his side of the family), after sometime of me living there still unable to find a place on my own he randomly tells me that I have three days to get my things and get out because my grandmother couldn’t support me. I was paying rent without telling the government welfare agency so they wouldn’t cut into her pension (which would get me in a world of trouble if they found out), I was refused by my grandmother do to my own laundry and cook my own meals. After that I refused to see him and for more years then I care to remember I haven’t seen him and I am eternally grateful for it. I have no plans to go to his funeral and when the time comes for my grandmother funeral I don’t plan on speaking to him. I don’t expect to be in his will, indeed I don’t expect anything from him at all. That is the only person I will always hold a grudge against, my loathsome moron of a father. Otherwise I will forgive anyone who has hurt me, given enough time, but never that pathetic excuse for a human being.
LordNothing LordNothing
26-30, M
11 Responses Nov 17, 2010

"Please forgive him."

"Evil grows when good people remain silent."

To that I would add: The powerful usually don't forgive. They sue, file charges, or seek remedies.

Only the powerless forgive. Thank you Baby Jesus for teaching us too "take it up the a$$."

Please forgive him. The Lord Jesus has forgiven us, and He even forgave the ones that stood by and mocked Him when He hung on the cross for us. You do not want to go to hell for it, because if you don't forgive your father, both of you will be in hell together forever hating one another, and burning in torment. <br />
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My father beat us with belts and switches mercilessly from age 5 until the age of 18, for any and all "infractions", such as washing dishes with a nightgown on, at the age of 16. He doesn't seem to remember splitting my brother's head open or attacking him with a knife, or beating me and my sister with just our bra and panties on with switches and belts, until our backs and legs were left with bleeding welts. He has never asked for our forgiveness, but we have forgiven him. And yet this same man had numerous affairs on our mother, but he wouldn't speak to me for 7 whole months when he found out I was pregnant at the age of 21 by my boyfriend. <br />
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Years later, my daughter and I were in a car accident and I was driving my mother's car on her insurance. My father "fixed" it so my mother's insurance could sue me, and told me that my daughter would receive a large settlement from the insurance so she could go to college. When she turned 18, she was supposed to get all this money. Come to find out, my father put that money into his account, his name is on it, and he continually looks for excuses to give my daughter her settlement money that the court told him to put aside for her. My parents have added on to their house and just recently bought a new Cadillac SUV, but my daughter has no money.<br />
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This same man looked me in my face yesterday and told me that he held a grudge against me for something someone told him that I supposedly said about him. A grudge he has been "holding in his heart" for months. You know, I want this man out of my life. I forgive him and love him, but it is best for me to not have to engage with this man. I hope that God will help me forget alot of things, like the physical abuse and the affairs, the loathing and fear he made us kids grow up with....all of that is forgiven. I have forgiven it all. But I need help forgetting. But I can honestly say that I actually dislike him and my mother.They have the most unloving spirits for people that supposedly "love" you.<br />
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My mother told her own grandchildren not to eat fruit in her new car because it hadn't been scotchguarded yet, and these kids had not eaten and were starving, but she didn't really care. She cared for her car more than their comfort and well-being.<br />
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I will erase what they have done from my mind. I will forgive them both with love in my heart for them....but I cannot hang out at their house for any real length of time. I cannot leave my children in their care or ask my parents to babysit my children, because I don't trust them. I don't want to have to deal with them much. I realize these people don't have, and never really had any real love for me, or my kids. I think they want to think of themselves as great parents or wonderful grandparents, but they are sadly delusional. When you look back on everything, all I can feel is sorry for them both....

I'm sorry to hear your story, Kameryn7. Yet, a fear of hell is no reason for me to forgive my father.

Hell is a state of mind and bitterness/resentment/hatred is one of the surest ways of getting/staying there

Where do I even begin with my father? The endless emotional and physical abuse for years until I finally ran away at 16 and never went back to that forsaken town. I know as a Christian, I'm supposed to forgive him, but I can't. Someone suggested if I can't pray for my father, then I should ask God to help me become willing to forgive him. I can't even do that. Bottom line is, I don't want to forgive him.<br />
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I realize now that I really hate the man. Truly. And I know that if I withhold forgiveness from him, God will do likewise when I stand before him. And even to that I say, let the chips fall where they may. It ain't happening. <br />
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About the best I have been able to accomplish in my thoughts towards him is that I don't actively wish any harm come to him or dream about carrying out some sort of revenge. But beyond that, I don't give a **** what happens to him, including the day his miserable life comes to an end. For me, it's impossible to forgive a total a**hole that doesn't even acknowledge he even did anything wrong. Because I guess beating a baby girl from age 3 onward is perfectly acceptable and understandable. <br />
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Sorry God, I'm just not that good of a person.

I think god would understand how difficult it is to forgive someone who hurt you for so long.

I hope so, or else I will be stuck seeing my father again in hell.

Ignoring me is something I would have wished for from my father. From what you say, he didn't beat you up, force you to do stuff you hated for years, or totally kicked you when you were down. I can relate to what you wrote (also kinda nerdy, and I think my father's sort of retarted), but it seems you had it relatively easy with your father, and maybe so have I, in comparison to other people. But we're adults now, responsible for our own lives, aren't we? I think it's best not to focus on the hurt of the past and do our best to make it now and in the future in spite of it. J.K. Rowling has, for example (she's estranged with her father). I wish you the best of luck in life!

Interesting to read this almost 3 years later. I mostly tried to make things OK with my dad because of my mom and because he looked like he was trying to be better. Than half a year ago, he drops a metal plank on my head. I get a terrible concussion from it, and in the mids of it (at times when I had a need to sleep like 20 hrs a day) he attacks me and shouts at me how it was my fault for being a clutz and not jumping aside quickly enough. I'm still not OK half a year later (this is pretty scary for a person who depended on being smart a little too much), scared of what a career I'll be able to make make myself now. I became completely estranged from my father after the accident (my grandmother from my mother's side was very supportive in giving me a place to stay and helping me recover). And it turns out my mom, who actually convinced me to try and see how he was actually a good person, was cheated on by him (she doesn't even know, I think). I wish I'd seen who he was before he managed to give me a ******* brain injury.

I don't think children often resent their parents for bullshit reasons. He sounds like a bit of a ******** dad. All I'll say is never say never. Forgiveness is about our own personal health. Remember that hatred only poisons you, not your enemy. Forgiving your dad doesn't mean you become a sucker or even have to let him in your life. It just means the resentment no longer defines your identity.<br />
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Sounds like that particular forgiveness will be a life's work however. You write really well, btw.

Indeed, I totally agree with your point of view and logic, but emotionally... For a young boy/teenager/young man to not have a father figure, it tends to mess with your head, there is so much that I have not learnt because I’ve not had a father figure. I’m grateful to say that I’m beyond the point of really caring, feeling guilt, I just regret not having a dad around.

I understand...My father is a moron too, but less so. Isn't it annoying how people assume a) you must obey your parents just because b) you must love and respect your family members simply because they are family? To be honest, I think people deserve to be called parents when they've taken the time to raise their children properly and give them affection. Since he hasn't, you don't need to feel any guilt, ever, for not taking care of him when he's old or going to his funeral. Forget him and enjoy life, you shouldn't let people like that weigh you down :)

Yeah my father is quite the same in that he get's along better with his step son. It would seem that many people have similar relationships with their fathers, and frankly it's ******* sad.

Sounds almost exactly like my relationship (or lack thereof) with my biological father. the only time i would see him was when he picked me up on his weekends, and when he took me back to my mom. In between, he left me with my grandparents so he could do his own thing. he was never a part of my life, and he didn't even try. But now he's like the perfect father figure to his new girlfriend's kid.

Granted when I was younger I held on to hope for him to change for the better, but no more. Now that I am older and (questionably) wiser, I know that he will never change as he likes the way he is and enjoys his life style. My solution is very simple, bugger him and his bullshit, he is out of my life now and can not hurt me. I plan to keep it this way. However memory is a funny thing that just won't allow me to just "let it go", from here all I can do is live as best I can for myself.

Thanks mate!