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I. Can't. Forgive. You.

I forgave most people that have done something wrong and never brought up the incident again... Except my parents.
My father sexually abused me at the age of six. So from that day onwards, my soul was already shattered, broken, never to be completely fixed back again. I remember how confused I felt that time, not really knowing what was going on, and feeling very scared. And my mother was there too, though she drank a glass or two of wine earlier on as she usually did, surely she isn't drunk? She wasn't even angry, she just laughed as my dad did everything, and no matter how loud I cried, she ignored me completely.
That was how everything started. My parents became very bad tempered from that day onwards. My dad started hitting me, really hard with a cloth hanger that it broke. He would hit only on the back, because he knows that no one will see the wound since my school uniform covered it and the only way to see it is to take out my entire shirt which i won't ever do.
My mum stood at the side all the time, scolding with my dad mostly, blaming me for everything and telling me she don't know what she have done wrong to deserve a child like me. She says that she hate me, everyone hate me and I should just go and die since no one care anyway. I cried to her for help, she never saved me, but made everything worse.
As I entered teenage I gained a little weight. I appeared slightly chubbier and my usual blouse is too short to wear. My parents became very angry and locked me hours into the dark store room without food, water or anything because she said I was too fat and ugly that she couldn't lay her eyes on me.
The entire case was finally discovered and brought to court when I was older. But because there was insufficient evidence it was dismissed. My parents refused to admit, saying they did nothing wrong, convincing everyone that I am a liar.
Many articles suggest that one need to forgive in order to heal. I can't do it. I can't forgive either one of them. They are not even sorry, and blaming everything on me as usual. Why do you think they deserve to be forgiven??
Kaslyne Kaslyne 16-17, F Dec 14, 2012

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