**** My Life

For some time, i've been trying to survive.
All i want is a normal life, all i want is to actually feel OK at least.
Mars 2012 I left a 2y and 9m relationship, because there wasn't any love in it anymore.
I broke his heart, really bad. And on top of it, i kissed another man 5 days before i left him.

April 2012 my mom told me she made a mistake having me, and if she could undo it, she would. That broke my heart, because we were always close before.

June 2012 i met this wonderful man, whom i now live with (september 2012)
I moved 6-7hours with car from my hometown, just to be with him.
The problem is that i have big issues with trusting him. Deep in, i don't believe he would be unfaithful but i can't stop thinking about it.
I also have a problem with Aneroxia again, I had it when i was about 14-15yo, and I'm scared it is coming back to get me.

I'm depressed as well, and this causes major problems in my relationship.

Too often i think that it will be easier for everyone if i just died in my sleep. Tonight. Or any night.

I also have a big wish for a child, someone to love unconditional. I need it to stay alive.
But my boyfriend doesn't want children, in like ever.
And i love him, and i don't want to live without him.
But i can't live without a child either.

Please, let me die in my sleep tonight.
mylifemysecret mylifemysecret
18-21, F
Sep 19, 2012