I Have Good Friends, But They Dont Really Understand Me

i have some really great friends, but they dont really understand me and the way i am. they find it hard to understand alot of what goes on with me, and it just gets hard trying to explain it all the time, and then they still dont get it, so id love to find someone that REALLY understood me.
sezy sezy
18-21, F
5 Responses Aug 19, 2007

I don't think you'll really find friends that understand everything about you. That is not something I really look for in a friend anyways. I like friends that are at the opposite spectrum that I am. It lets me see other ways the world works. I was looking for friends that came/grew up like me, but now I'm really happy and appreciate the friends that I do have. lol, my best friend I'll never understand. I still have the head half cocked look every once in a while, but I really like the guy. :)

I no longer think of myself as unique, but my life experience has been "off the map" shall we say. I used to long for at least one person who completely "got" me, understood me. What I've learned is that this is neither possible nor even desirable. Instead, what I have is a large group of people who understand different aspects of me - and by combining all the interactions I have with them I feel totally known, and understood - no secrets. It's really nice. To get to that point one must be open - you need to make it easy to know you - which is scary for everybody, especially young people. You also must be willing to get to know others.

Perhaps they are not the sort of friends to provide "understanding" per se? Sometimes having people who have not had the same sorts of bad experiences are vital simply because they offer a very real example of what life can be like - they are hope, not understanding?<br />
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If you are looking for peers who have had the same experience as you, why not try support groups? <br />
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It must be said though, that it is well neigh impossible to find someone who has the same *level* of suffering. People have it easier, or people have had it worse... after all.<br />
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The most people can offer is understanding - and that is the action of feeling for you, not knowing exactly what what you went through. It's the act, the empathy, the sympathy that counts, I think. Nobody can ever be you, only you are you :)

the fact that they dont really get that the problems are what they are, cos they havent experienced them at all of as bad as i have.

What do you think stops them from understanding you, even after you've tried explaining things over and over?