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Cuckold Vs Hotwife

I became familiar with Experience Project awhile back when i googled cuckold and hotwife and ended up here.

Why did I google those words? Because my husband had broached the subject, and I, probably like most wives, thought he was crazy.

But I played along with it during sex, talking about his fantasy and, about former lovers, about guys I found hot, etc. So lately I've been curious, and started reading more on the internet about the subjects. To my surprise I found articles in mainstream publications as well as at least one book written on the subject. So I started becoming more and more curious about just how widespread this fantasy or actual participation in a lifestyle really is. Now I believe that the fantasy in one form or another is very common in men.

So what is the definition of cuckold. Its a term that goes way back centuries. Shakespeare used it a couple of times. It referred to a married man who's wife cheated, usually without his knowledge. Today common usage is more about a man who's wife has sex with other men and the husband experiences some form of humiliation. So another term has come into use, hotwife. This is a woman who has sex with other men, with her husband's permission, but there is not the humiliation involved. In both cases the husband remains faithful to the wife.

So why am I stating what most of you probably already know? Because I would like to start a dialog with some people about the subject. I'm not sure how to go about it, I've been a member of Experience Project for quite awhile but never really participated.

So if you are a man with one of these fantasies, or a woman or man or couple who have actually practiced the lifestyle, or maybe a woman who cheated and found her husband was OK with it, I would love to hear from you.

I might post this in different experiences so as to get the most contacts.
KellyTravels KellyTravels 36-40, F 6 Responses Sep 3, 2013

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After my wife said she had an emotional affair with a guy at work ( no sex so she claims ? )
After she told me I found that I was turned on and hurt, but not hurt by the thought of her kissing another man but because of the secrecy.
I also started to google my feelings and came across cuckold and Hotwifes and after lots of research it decided I wanted a Hotwife and didn't want to be a cuck.. For years now I have talked to my wife about this and all I hear is " you couldn't handle the jealousy of seeing me with another mans hard **** ******* me" ?? she does say she would **** another man if it wasn't for the jealousy factor BUT I know that will not be a major factor and any twinges of jealousy would be channeled into reminding myself that's this is what I wanted and to help make our new lifestyle work..

As most virgin HotWife wannabe hubbys, you most likely have a bit of projection bias . . . meaning that you may not understand how serious your wife is about the jealousy factor. Fact of the matter is your wife is saddled with the inverted version of your projection bias.
You are trying to assure your wife that you KNOW you wouldn't be overwhelmed by her having sex with a man other than you, while she KNOWS how devastated she would be if you had sex with another woman. As much as you know you'd be fine with a HotWife, she knows you'd fall apart if she actually did it . . . in fact, she thinks you're weird to even consider it.
This projection of your thoughts, emotions, 'your reality' onto another person (your wife) is a form of cognitive bias, your particular bias is that you BELIEVE you would actually enjoy sharing your wife with another man. Your wife's belief that you would fall apart, while it may also be a bias, is reinforced by societies standards . . . wife 'cheats', hubby is devastated, if he's "normal". Now go ahead and further convince her that you're not normal, so she'll be okay with doing it.

But it's not hopeless. You have to understand this thinking, yours and hers, and don't make it a one-or-the-other contest. Agree that she's right . . . for her, and work on convincing that you're also right . . . not for every guy out there, but for you with her. No easy task, it's something that you virtually can't prove without her participation, her 'playing' at least a little bit. You have to show her that not only aren't you upset, but you're turned on by her actions with another man, simultaneously assuring her that you love her even more, and not just because you have been vicariously sexually stimulated.

Way back when my wife Ann and I were considering HotWife adventures, Ann had the same mindset as your wife, and I had yours. Ann is, and has always been, a tremendous flirt. When we were dating, and we were at a party together, she would keep her flirting in check. A year after we married I finally decided that I was secure enough that I could not only stand it but actually enjoy watching my wife flirt and hold the attention of several guys at once. When I told her I was fine with her 'playing' with these guys, and go ahead and enjoy it, she didn't believe me. Because she was jealous of me doing the same. I promised I wouldn't and eventually she relaxed and started going full on. We had many after party sex sessions where the topic in bed was what this guy said, or what that guy said, and I know what my wife Ann had on her mind while we had sex . . . and we BOTH enjoyed it!

After three years of 'moving the boundary' of what was allowed with other guys, Ann was ready to take a full out HotWife trial run. BUT, even though I assured her I'd love it, she wasn't convinced that I wouldn't be "devastated" if she went 'all the way' with a new man . . . so we compromised, Ann contacted an old boyfriend, a guy she'd already had sex with (before we married), and he was my wife's very first extramarital sex partner. And we both loved it!

So understand your wife's feelings about this, she's not wrong. And evaluate your feelings about sharing your wife, and don't push, but continue to assure her that you are more than fine with any attention she wants to give to another man. Good Luck!

Gosh, I could just repost Bmjackson's response.
My wife Ann has been a HotWife for over 30 years now, and still counting! Ann's many HotWife adventures are a source of sexual pleasure for both of us.
Ann typically finds a guy and they have several "dates" before she moves on to again find that thrill of a new guy, new experience. That said, Ann has had many long term boyfriends, and one man she fell in love with and has been her poly-lover for over 20 years.
Ann has gone on many, many overnights/weekends with her boyfriends, and several weeklong vacations with her lover.
And loves the freedom to get to know and physically experience other men, and we both enjoy sharing the 'naughty', sensual, erotic, and outright sexual nature of her HotWife adventures.
Overall, Ann's HotWife adventures have brought us closer as a loving couple . . . strange, huh!

My wife and I aren't into all the sissy stuff, but she has a boyfriend of sorts that she enjoys once a week or so. And yes, I'm JUST hers, for the most part. She's a loving attentive and sweet wife, and an available and adventurous girlfriend. If you love a woman, you should want her to have the best of both worlds, even when twinges of jealousy creep in here and there.

My fantasy and allowing my wife to be a hot wife kind of went a little different than I had planned. Early in our marriage I told my wfe, now ex wife, that I wouldn't be upset if I ever found out she was cheating. I was trying to say that I wanted her to do so in my presence, but it didn't quite turn out that way...lol.. She said she thought it weird I would say something like that, and said she would never do so.

However, that would change after our second child, and we had an IUD placed. I accidently discovered this while doing laundry and came across dried *** in her panties. I was nervous and thrilled and turned on all at once. I knew it had to be a man from her work. Within a month I found a letter from her man, and he needed to break it off cuz he said it could ruin his reputation at work, and he heard rumors she was seeing other guys at work.

Suddenly I had a wife that was wanting to prove her sexiness after two children and fulfilling her desires with multiple men. She would deny it all. But I stayed true and said I wasn't upset I just wanted to know about it. I never told her that I found out through her panties, and only that I knew by the letter. She quit that job due to this saying she felt harassed at work, and the rumors were made up by jealous people.

She would continue cheating at her next place of employment, and with people we knew. I would know about who she was with, and then would find her panties the next day, and I always kept it to myself.

I haven't had this experience yet but looking forward to it. Me an my girlfriend have been planning on her giving a ******* with or without me present. She hasn't done it yet but I'm looking forward to this happening but it seems there's always a hang up. She doesn't want it to be any of my friends, none of hers and it just continues in a circle. Maybe one day we'll meet a guy she feels cool going down on.

Hey there! I am the husband of a "Hotwife". We have an open relationship, but I'd say we participate in the HW lifestyle more than anything. It's far easier for her to meet and eventually hook up than it is for me. Currently she has 3 guys that she'll meet up with every now and then. They agree on a time and place and meet up for strictly sex. She had a boyfriend for almost 8 years. Of course they were in love as well, which I was ok with. He was someone I trusted as did she. Anyway, I'm not much into the whole "humiliation" thing and neither is she. If she has "plans" I'll help her pick out outfits .. or rub lotion on her legs. Sometimes I'll go down on her to get the juices flowing ( no pun intended ... well maybe ). But that's usually for me because I find it an extreme turn on to feel like I'm helping her be in the mood. She's had over nighters with her BF and I would watch her get ready and pack ...and once she was dressed and ready to go, she would always dress in sexy, not slutty attire, to make it easy for a quickie when she would get to the hotel or house, I would just lay there and look at her, feel her legs and get myself off. And that was her way of making me feel good till she got home the next day. When I finished, shed kiss me bye and leave.

I do fantasize on occasion of her having a bf over to spend the weekend with us and I would sleep in the guest bedroom .. fix them food... Get them drinks when they're exhausted from so much sex.. etc. but that hasn't happened .. YET. I also fantasize about cleaning them both up after they've had sex. Or even my wife asking me to give her bf a ******* to make him hard for her. I'm not gay, more bi-curious. So that's about as much of the humiliation thing I'd go for.

Sorry for the rant. So, I get turned on by her having sex with other men ... but I don't want her to put me down in front of them . I think that's the main difference of the two.

And by all means ... Go for it. Make sure you include your hubby in every aspect. Let him be a part of it as much as possible. There's no greater anticipation of waiting on your wife to get home after a "date". And YES, the 1st thing I do is go down on her to taste her. It's called a "********" .. And it is so incredibly HOT to taste the two of them together. Her "friends" have no idea and I don't want them to know. She doesn't swallow, but loves the idea of me cleaning her up and then having "sloppy seconds".

Good luck and please let me know if I can offer any more perspective!