It's Over!

After being together for almost 20 long years. We have been to hell and back more than once. I used to think that what does not kill you makes you stronger!, Well, today I feel like I died, I have been crying for the past 3 hrs!, I had to clean my glasses several times, because I can see anything.
I can't tell you with certainty why I am crying. Let's see, because I knew it was over?, because he did not say it?, he just had that hatefull look?, that emptyness in his eyes?, because we don't talk anymore?, because don't laugh anymore?, because there is no intimacy? I am not talking about physical?, just that intimacy when we used to look into each other's eyes and felt butterflies, remember those?, the silly text during the day, just saying "hi", or i love you,because my daugther woke listening to him screeming like a mad man, because I had to tell her that I tried to keep our family together I really did, but I can't do it anymore, i want them to see me happy, and her answer was, is ok mommy, I know, you need to be happy too. That just broke my heart!!!, then she asked me if we were going to have another dad, my head is all over the place. I feel so sick, that I am afraid something will happen to me and my kids will be left with him......
Because I am writing this crying and he is almost next to me playing "call of duty" like nothing.
So now I wonder how can he be doing this? why am i a mess and he's like this, we were in the same room when all this happened.
So now what? I was raised with the notion that when you are married you stay married, you work things out, you try and you do your best! But also it takes two and right now there is only me. So, what's next?. I know this much, I just sto crying!
brokenheart26 brokenheart26
41-45, F
1 Response Sep 7, 2012

Be strong for your kids i know its hard but they are the most important thing right now and everything you feel and is happening to you affects them.... keep your mind occupied and try not to think about it as much thats what i do it does help and think about yourself and whats best for you and your kids

Thank you!, I am a very cookie, and I know that anything and I mean anything that happens is for a reason. i need to take care of myself!!!, he is the one loosing, he is the misserable one, I am always with my kids and they know!!
So, today I am taking care of myself, I am getting my highlights done, and getting a haircut, and I am going back to the gym!, he does not deserve one single tear, there are worth a lot and he's not. And my little girl needs to see that we are worth a lot!!!!
I have never done this in my life, I don't know you, but I thank you for responding!!! I hope you are also doing well :)

sorry ment to say tuff cookie! :)

thats the what i did after i found out! i did gain a little wait after having my daughter i lost 22 pounds and im back to myself i dyed mines black ( i love black) and cut my hair! and i go out with the girls @ times boy do i get attention from guys! at times i go with the flow since i like the attention lol but its nice to get noticed but there like 21 and im 24 so no... but i also got my son into the YMCA and i spend the whole time with my kids after work and he notices that i dont ask him to go with us or anything my kids know im the one with them buying them stuff activities etc.