He Told Me He Loved Me and I Ran Away

Well... you see I have this childhood friend who I had contact with until a few years ago when he told me he loved me and wanted to start a relationship with me. Well the first problem I had with this is the fact that he lives in a different city then I do about half an hour away. The second problem I had with this is that he is almost two years younger than me. I was fourteen or something like that at the time, to me age difference meant alot. The third problem I had with this is the fact is that I was not ready for that kind of relationship and I was scared to find out if I had the same feelings. So being the selfish person I can be sometimes, I said no and cut all ties with him.  I feel really about this, so don't be saying I'm a heartless person because I feel really bad about this!

I feel that I need to confess this because recently I have been thinking about him and how his life could be right now. And I have also been thinking of my feelings towards him. He was so kind to be, and when we were little he wanted to marry me and to him I was his angel. I feel so bad for hurting him... I hope that one day he'll forgive me for he was the only one (other than family) who loved me in that way. He only wished me happiness and wanted to make me happy. We shared so many of the same interests. In some ways I truly loved him too.

When I was younger I promised him (when we were neighbours) that i would never leave his side. My life would never change. A few weeks later my parents split and what feels like a second I'm being carried away from my house, I was in hysterics and all I could think was I broke my promise.
I still feel this way. Even though I know it wasn't my fault.

We kept in contact, a few years later we were really close again in our relationship despite the fact that we lived so far apart. Then he confessed to me, and I ran away.

I don't know how I can forgive myself for doing this to him. He must have hurt for a long time. All he wanted to do was be with me, and I pushed him away.

I have recently apologized. I am still wanting for his reply

girlinbackground girlinbackground
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 18, 2009

we often understand a person's worth only after losing him.

He still hasn't replied... I should apoligize in person, or at least on the phone but I'm a coward... I still feel terrible, I hope he understands that... I don't know what I should do!

I hope everything works out for you we all make mistakes and then we regret them for so long I hope he will forgive you.

I hope you're right... I truly do miss him