My Perfect Man Of Six Years...has Betrayed Me :(
My boyfriend was perfect. He treats me like gold and takes care of me. One thing in our relationship which was weak is that he never made the move on me for sex. I have to initiate most of the time; after this though we have sex although it is very routine and boring. I tried to spice it up with him; I wanted to watch **** in bed with him as I know for a fact he loves ****. He was not into it. I dressed sexy for him, took pictures of myself tried role play. Nothing seemed to work. He became a flop in the sack! (I am an attractive 5"10 blonde girl with green eyes!) He just never seemed that into me. I discovered his disturbing addiction to **** and realized that he would rather look at **** than be with me. I dealt with this for about 2-3 years. In my head I always thought, "Well at least he is not looking elsewhere." I was worried though. **** seems to be a gateway. Eventually it had to cave. And it did. I set a trap. Part of me regrets it, and the other part is glad to know the disgusting truth. I know his email password and he made the mistake of setting up an account on Bearshare where he added young girls 17,18 and 19 with names like "Pussyxxx"... etc. You get the point. His profile read that he was looking to "hook up" and I wondered what this meant. So I made a fake profile and added him as a friend. Of he went to work in the morning, the hard working man that he is. When he signed into Bearshare, he added me as a friend and we started instant messaging. This fake person I made up, named Michelle, asked him what he was looking for and he said, "Something on the side." My heart dropped. After exchanging pictures I arranged for him to meet with "Michelle" for a quick ******* right then and there. He agreed and said he would buy the condoms. He also mentioned it was his first time doing such a thing. I told him to meet "Michelle"in a local mall outside of a store and she would be wearing a pink shirt. I rushed there and hid out, hoping and PRAYING that he would not show up. Unfortunately there he appeared. My heart exploded in my chest and my limbs seemed glued to the ground. I revealed myself from my hiding spot, and I'll never forget how dark his usually blue eyes were as they made contact with mine. He saw me wearing the pink shirt and knew that he was caught. He told me he was curious and looking for something exciting. Him and I went back to our place where we have lived for 3 years together and I cried and we talked all day. He told me this was the stupidest thing he has ever done and he would never do anything like this again; told me he did not think of the consequences at the time, and was not thinking at all. I asked him to delete his accounts-ALL of them and I will try to forgive him. This happened on Tuesday. It is now Thursday afternoon. He has a F U CKbook account which I, again due to my bullshit snooping, know about. Yesterday, he did not delete his F U CKbook account. He instead more information under his profile, including that he is attached and looking for discreet fun; he added his height, hair colour and location. I was really going to try and forgive him; after all, he had not actually cheated but had the intent. However, it does not seem like he really wants to be true with me. I loved this man more than my life itself and I have been crying for 3 days. I have to officially tell him its over and I cannot trust him; I cannot do this. All that flashes through my eyes are the beautiful innocent memories; him holding me close every night and me falling asleep in his arms; his cute laugh; his voice; everything. It kills me to think and know that it can never be as perfect and beautiful as it was. Save me from this pain. I always wonder, would ignorance have been bliss?