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My Perfect Man Of Six Years...has Betrayed Me :(

My boyfriend was perfect. He treats me like gold and takes care of me. One thing in our relationship which was weak is that he never made the move on me for sex. I have to initiate most of the time; after this though we have sex although it is very routine and boring. I tried to spice it up with him; I wanted to watch **** in bed with him as I know for a fact he loves ****. He was not into it. I dressed sexy for him, took pictures of myself tried role play. Nothing seemed to work. He became a flop in the sack! (I am an attractive 5"10 blonde girl with green eyes!) He just never seemed that into me. I discovered his disturbing addiction to **** and realized that he would rather look at **** than be with me. I dealt with this for about 2-3 years. In my head I always thought, "Well at least he is not looking elsewhere." I was worried though. **** seems to be a gateway. Eventually it had to cave. And it did. I set a trap. Part of me regrets it, and the other part is glad to know the disgusting truth. I know his email password and he made the mistake of setting up an account on Bearshare where he added young girls 17,18 and 19 with names like "Pussyxxx"... etc. You get the point. His profile read that he was looking to "hook up" and I wondered what this meant. So I made a fake profile and added him as a friend. Of he went to work in the morning, the hard working man that he is. When he signed into Bearshare, he added me as a friend and we started instant messaging. This fake person I made up, named Michelle, asked him what he was looking for and he said, "Something on the side." My heart dropped. After exchanging pictures I arranged for him to meet with "Michelle" for a quick ******* right then and there. He agreed and said he would buy the condoms. He also mentioned it was his first time doing such a thing. I told him to meet "Michelle"in a local mall outside of a store and she would be wearing a pink shirt. I rushed there and hid out, hoping and PRAYING that he would not show up. Unfortunately there he appeared. My heart exploded in my chest and my limbs seemed glued to the ground. I revealed myself from my hiding spot, and I'll never forget how dark his usually blue eyes were as they made contact with mine. He saw me wearing the pink shirt and knew that he was caught. He told me he was curious and looking for something exciting. Him and I went back to our place where we have lived for 3 years together and I cried and we talked all day. He told me this was the stupidest thing he has ever done and he would never do anything like this again; told me he did not think of the consequences at the time, and was not thinking at all. I asked him to delete his accounts-ALL of them and I will try to forgive him. This happened on Tuesday. It is now Thursday afternoon. He has a F U CKbook account which I, again due to my bullshit snooping, know about. Yesterday, he did not delete his F U CKbook account. He instead more information under his profile, including that he is attached and looking for discreet fun; he added his height, hair colour and location. I was really going to try and forgive him; after all, he had not actually cheated but had the intent. However, it does not seem like he really wants to be true with me. I loved this man more than my life itself and I have been crying for 3 days. I have to officially tell him its over and I cannot trust him; I cannot do this. All that flashes through my eyes are the beautiful innocent memories; him holding me close every night and me falling asleep in his arms; his cute laugh; his voice; everything. It kills me to think and know that it can never be as perfect and beautiful as it was. Save me from this pain. I always wonder, would ignorance have been bliss?
CrazyKitty03 CrazyKitty03 26-30, F 5 Responses Jan 6, 2011

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omg... I've just found out quite the same situation... a **** addicted always looking for other women on those f****** sites... I gave him my whole life and it threw it away for a complete nothing... he apparently was the perfecr mister right, kind, precise, open minded and but cheated on me for months and months even when I cried looking him straight in his eyes, begging for truth as he often ''left me in the corner''. I don't want to see him never again... but it's so painful... it hurts like nothing before :(

my bf always cheats me too now he is ****** out of my life. he is not worth my love!! u will find a better man. .u are beautiful u deserve the best and one thing he didnt trear u gold. he just wrapped everything in gold but inside its all *****!!

I wish I had some advice for you. I just was so shocked and caught off guard when my bf crossed the line..he did not seem like the "type" to do this. Hell, he wouldn't even come to female ***** clubs with me years ago when our group of friends were going. <br />
Update on my situation: I left him after I wrote my above Experience. It didn't take long for him to actually realize the scope of his actions. We got together to talk after he called and begged to talk; he cried and pleaded for me to "come home." It tore me inside to see this as I wanted to believe him but I knew I couldn't not yet. After a few months we started seeing each other...the sexual situation we were having before completely vanished and things were/are better than when we first started dating. I still have not made a true decision if I can actually trust him. Deep down I wonder if I can't trust him then can I trust anyone. Human nature is a very complicated thing; things happen that don't neccessarily mean that someone doesn't love you as much as they are capable. However, the question lies with you. How much are YOU willing to take and forgive? When you stop being able to forgive, then sign the papers its over. <br />
Every situation is different, and you have to do what makes you happy, even if its really hard. Leaving someone doesn't really mean its the end. Its really just a new beginning; maybe back with that person, or with with someone new entirely.

This response really helps. Its too easy to say leave him, he doesn't deserve your love, but when you love someone it complicates things so much. I'm sort of going through the same thing, I caught my boyfriend texting another girl, with the intention of 'hooking up', and the betrayal of trust is hard to quantify. You don't really know what to do in a situation like that, you don't really know what is true and if you take the leap of faith again, whether or not it will bite you in the ***. I think Bob Marley said it best, "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for"

No no no , love shouldn't be a suffering I was cheated on by a guy who mentally abused me etc at some point you find your own breaking point, everyone deserves to be loved to have someone who will be honest with them and will love you
From my own experience of forgiving sometimes it makes it worse and in the end it's about how much you can take mentally

This story sounds like my life in a couple years i really hope not. But ever since I caught my husband on one of those sites to meet people I've always thought it could get worse. And since then Ive caught him twice after. I'm just tired of this it seems to be getting worse now I see him looking for women in our area and putting that he is looking to hook up. He always tells me he's sorry and that it's never gotten farther than online but now I'm pregnant with our second child and it feels like deja vu all over. I've never written down how i feel and hope this helps me deal. I want him to be telling me the truth and i hope he is but some how deep down i don't think he is and i think he could find someone to just hook up with. If anyone has any advise how i can save my relationship please help!?

oh hun i am so so sorry!! i have just found out my hubby cheated, two years ago, and kept quiet, but at least he seams very contrite and sorry. He is giving me time and trying his best . H e is very sorry and feels very ill about it!!<br />
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you bf seems like he does nto care and is not sorry. the hurt will die down!! I know it's just new for me too, but i have been in other situations and know hurt can go away. you are worth more than him x x x <br />
good luck hun