I Put On a Good Show.

I must be putting on a great show, if people can't tell. Or maybe they don't get close enough to realize.. Like yesterday, I was talking to a friend and she said to me "You know, people would usually think you're a really sad person until they get to know you. Then it's like bam! energy"  This made me sad. I've known the girl for two years and she's getting farther from the truth.. I'm not sure how I feel about people thinking everything is just great for me. I am mad about it because I have probably alot more problems than anyone would guess, even my best friend doesn't know the extent of how much I'm hurting. Maybe I should forget the acting. I'm tired of people treating me like I'm okay. Sure, sometimes I am on the outside, but my insides are all jumbled. I think my friends here know more than anyone in my real world, it's easier to open up here because I don't have to worry about feeling judgment or hearing it, or seeing it on their faces. Yet, I would like to keep some things secret. I just feel like nobody cares to know the real me with the exception of a couple..

deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Oct 2, 2009

I think that what's really bothering you is not just that your friend doesn't notice but that even thought if she knew perhaps she won't understand or what she'll think about it.<br />
And about feeling sad and then being bam! well i don't really know you but I think that perhaps you are deep inside sad but you like the mask because is what you want to be and like the feeling of that person you're not.<br />
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I'll like to tell you the same as Phizalcom, when it comes to try to open up a bit more. Perhaps by taking the risk you might learn who can be trusted or not and those who can be trusted well tresure it.<br />
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Besides that well there's this story perhaps you have heard of it. I don't remember very but i think it goes as this:<br />
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THERE IS A STORY told about an elder Native American walking in the forest with his grandson. <br />
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Native American culture holds great respect for its elders and the wisdom that accompanies them. <br />
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At one point along the way after they had spotted a wolf in the distance, the grandfather said: <br />
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"Within us there are two wolves. One is mean, vicious and angry, hungry to destroy. The other is kind and gentle." <br />
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That was all he said. As they continued walking for a while finally the grandson asked his grandfather: "Which wolf will win?" <br />
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The grandfather reflected silently for a moment and then responded: <br />
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"The one you feed." <br />
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*****<br />
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So i think that perhaps it's within ourselves to decide whether to be happy or not. We can't control all our emotions because then we won't be living I mean to live is to cry, smile get angry and etc.<br />
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But the momment you want to "bam" or be happy it's ok don't be sad about what you're friend said perhaps she just saw one side of you that well you don't usually feed and if you want to you can take the risk and show her the other sides. <br />
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People are what they show others. Now that people observe well and deduce things out of people is another topic. =3<br />
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Good Luck!

I think relationship is like investment, there is a return, there is a risk. If we don't risk, there will never be a return. So we talk about the "safety of Margin". That is basically, we will invest our emotion as long as we can bear the risk and the probability of reaping a return is far greater than the risk. <br />
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I am starting to openning myself to the people around me. It is not easy. Some people dont care, some people is more difficult to trust, some people don't connect. but I will be waiting for the right people. I will treasure them for life. <br />
Hope you will enjoy EP. I like to add you to my circle but I guess you prefer to be private.