I hurt myself because I know I deserve it. The voices in my head, tell me that I deserve to cut myself, that I have to punish myself for being a horrible person. Its my fault that I am just how I am, and I am the one who has to pay for it.


I cut myself, I burn myself. I starve myself. Its how I deal with things, and its how I punish myself for being me. I know that I am suppose to hurt myself. I know that I am a terrible person, who needed to be punished for everything.


I hurt myself, because I deserve it. I deserve to punish myself, to make myself pay for my mistakes. Its how I deal with it all. I cut myself, for being ughly. I burn myself for being stupid, and I starve myself for being fat.


Everyone else hurts me too, they say hurtful words, they abonde me, when they promise not to. It proves to me, that I am suppose to be in pain, I am suppose to hurt, its what I get for being a terrible person.

deleted deleted 26-30 10 Responses Dec 6, 2009

Your Response


I think you need psychological and mental help ..

There's just a point where words doesn't really have a much of an effect any more , or power , as they used to's all what's going on in your head .. sometimes words and kind care from someone could help you through it .. sometimes they become just so vain .. so my only advice , try every way outta this .. and see what is the best way , that ACTUALLY works for you, and continue it till you feel better !..


Remember, no one is perfect... everyone does things that are less than ideal. We have all been there. Its because you care. Love your imperfections and stay away from those that dont. Hugs. are a younger version of me. *hugs*


...I am just trying to get all the negative stories out. Once they are done, I can be happy, at least I hope I can....


Aly, this kind of venting will NEVER help you to resolve your problems. Think about it. You should know better!

Do you really think that you can "exhaust" the feelings just by letting them out? Without doing anything at all to resolve the issues which are causing these feelings?

These feelings are like water coming into a small boat through a breach in the hull. If you choose to deal with it by bailing, you are never going to be able to stop bailing. As you are bailing you won't have your arms free to paddle in the direction you want, so you are also stuck, waiting to sink. But if you can find a way to fix the hole so that the water stays out (*or at least comes in more slowly), you can stop bailing, and start heading where YOU want to go.

Relying only on venting the feelings is like trying to feel better by making avatars or sending thoughtful whiteboard scribbles. These sweet gestures make you feel accepted and appreciated and liked/ likeable... but it is only temporary. Because you are only dealing with the feelings themselves, NOT the factors which are generating these feelings.

This is the *last* time I shall be saying this to you. So I hope you will stop and LISTEN:

Emotional stability is something you have to work on. It takes work. Because you have to learn how to develop insights into the way you are coping (or not coping) with things. I wonder how much you even know about Borderline Personality Disorders -- the science of it, not just your personal experience --, even though you list BPD as one of your health concerns in your profile.

You do NOT know enough about BPM even though you are living it every day.

I will always be on your side, but Aly, there is nothing I can do for you if you do not wake up and change your current patterns of coping. iza wrote you a very helpful comment; you ignored it.

If you really want to help yourself, you will make a real attempt to work through this manual -- "From Survivor to Thriver" -- which is the best resource I was able to find for you (*NB: the pdf version is the most readable; the online version gives me a headache):

Yes, it is 115 pages long. But you are worth it. If you do not do the work, there is nothing that I or amyMM or mewold or iza can do for you.

I also suggest that you supplement your "EP-therapy" with some time spent in a serious support network such as the forums here:

Aly, you must begin to learn how to think. This mindless venting has its usefulness, but it is not the answer. The answer you need is much harder to earn for yourself than spending hours venting each day.


Good luck --


Yes, bravo for being strong enough to state out in the open what so many have locked inside their heads.

AP and amyMM know what they are talking about. Listen to them and remember that you are someone unique. If you need someone to talk to, those two or I am ready to help.

Hello Miss Niece. I know that things are especially hard for you when you don't have your meds (because you are no insured).


But even if you have your meds, you *must* try to develop some coping skills; meds alone will NEVER be enough. This is something that has to be learned; we have to work at it.

amyMM is right, we *do* need to vent and rant. But you must begin to learn to how to develop insights about yourself and the way you cope with unbearable stress, if you are to enjoy more stability and happiness.

Take care --


Aly, did you know that Jesus suffered for all our sins and for all our pain so we wouldn't have to?

You only need close your eyes and ask him to help you through this terrible time you are having and he will comfort you and bring you peace.

It is the peace you need, whilst enduring the pain on this earth.

amyMM's words are those of a very wise lady who has been in the same space you are now. Listen to her, she knows.



*stop readin for my test coz i want to tell u:

words r powerful n i realize what we say effect others''i hurt myself coz i deserve it''we do the same like someone else told us eg when we were kids...we transfer words to someone else minds.ppl read what we write n some of them will save the words in their minds.i don say is bad to say how u feel ok?i do that many times (unfortunately)but i realized it n i wouldn want to take responsibility of tellin someone through my posts'hurt urself coz u deserve it'..u don say that ok?but ppl while readin will wonder''if she say that then i must deserve it too.''thats why i ll b more careful with my stories.hope u don misunderstand..i love u ok aly?hugs*

now read n say many many times:I feel i have to hurt myself coz i feel bad.but thats how i feel i ll wait with patience n pray to find peace in my mind n heart.the voices of the past/or presence with time will vanish,if not i ll b strong,i have angels by my side.bad things happen but i have patience n im willing to try find peace no matter how i feel.*

many hugs*i have to go back to study now*love u very much