What Am I Doing?

Since early June, I've been seeing a married man..perhaps I shouldn't use the euphemism "seeing"..I've been sleeping with a married man. He's an old friend from high school who I met again through Facebook. I have no excuses..what Ive been doing is so wrong on so many levels, but...you guessed it, I think I've fallen in love with him. Now though, I think his feelings ( if he ever had any) are fading. He doesn't talk to me as often, and he just doesn't seem as into the situation as he was in the beginning. Don't get me wrong, I deserve to be hurt, I deserve everything coming to me. I just need to know how to get over him. I am going to break all contact with him because I know it's wrong, because I know that if this goes the way it seems to be going, I will be heartbroken, as well as a woman I don't even know. Yet...he still is the person from long ago I always wanted, yet back then the time was never right..and it still isn't. How do I forget, and move on?
mariamc mariamc
46-50
2 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Thank you so much...you make a great deal of sense! I guess what makes this situation a little different from the usual married man affair is that we were friends, long ago, in high school. Somehow when an old friend hurts you, it seems worse. You are right, though..searching my heart, I don't see this coming out right in the end. It has to stop.

I'm no expert on relationships but I want to help as much as I can. The thing that you said that bothers me the most is this sentence: "Don't get me wrong, I deserve to be hurt, I deserve everything coming to me." That is NOT true and you need to understand that the universe is unfair, does not choose favorites, and does not punish the bad or reward the good. NOBODY deserves to be hurt with the weapon we call love. That said, you are absolutely right to break it off with him - because you deserve better. Unless if this man was going to leave his wife for you in the beginning, he's not very serious. How will you get over him? Everyone is different, but for starters: block his number, de-friend him on Facebook, and cry. It is alright to cry, and you should cry as long as you need - just don't wallow. Also, if you can't seem to get over him, try getting a therapist. Having a therapist is not a bad thing, all kinds of people see therapists. From people with ADHD to stressed single parents to people trying to get over a relationship. Anyway, get help - be it from a friend or a professional or a family member. Your writing makes this clear. You are too hard on yourself and need to learn how to see yourself in a better light. Also, ditch the guy. Even if he is ringing your doorbell, don't answer it. Put in some headphones and tune him out. Finally, buy some ice cream and cry. Hope I helped and good luck! <3