I Just Cry

As the days pass by. I try to live this life
As I go through love and hate, though day and night
As the time passes me by I start to cry
As I cry, I try so hard to hide the pain from when I cry

When i think about the day, today, and where i am.
I scream to myself: ****!

Not for my **** mother,
Not for my step-father,
But for my mama

Because the only thing I regret
In leaving my home state:
Is leaving my mama

Since the day i left, I'm finding myself crying.
More and more i'm hating myself,
Wishing I could have made it work,

Back home, back then, I never seemed
To really cry, but now, I'm only hating myself
For everything and all of why i'm in another state

Times when I think: today is going to be good.
I get ****, smacked in thee face
Total devistation as my mind body and soul tells me:

You dumb ****, how could you throw away your life like that?
You desgraceful representation of a citizen,
You dont deserve happiness
How could you think your life could be, happy?
How could you ever think you'd be, part of a family?

Thinking about so manyy past faults, flaws, mistakes
To draw my blood, and thin my heart, out, to break myself down
Around the time i thought things were going good, I fall short
A dumbass to ****** up to pass the test of life and time
The only thing I deserve is a line, to slit or hang my throat

My throat is dry,
A bad taste in my mouth
(worse than bad breath)
(like I want to throw up blood)
The only thing i want to do right now is sleep

{you can sleep when you're dead}

A saying I've heard now for four years
Something that brings me to tears
So why cant I just wach away down the shore
Why do I continue to feel similar feelings?
Feelings to when I've fell so low I could (tast my death)

A frequent question comes to mind when I cry:
If I dont really feel pain, am I alive? or am I dead?

Craddled in a corner in my fears burns my tears
To hear cries and screams makes me wake up
To pain i cant openly describe because it doesnt
Sound the same as my silent screams, (spoken from my dreams)
Are from when, I just cry
silentmisery silentmisery
18-21, F
Nov 29, 2012