The Biggest ******* On This Planet....

Okay, right, here's where it started:

His name is Christian, he was a work colleague and it all started when I was sitting next to him to learn more about my new job ( I had only just started in the company). The first time I looked him in the eyes, it was as if I got an electric shock. I guess it was love on first sight on my part. And then there was a team event a couple of weeks later, he bought me a drink and we talked all the time, and in the end we were at a friends house, holding hands all night and when I left him that night (we didnt have sex or anything) I kissed him.

He called and texted me a lot but somehow he never seemed to get around to going on a date with me, I didnt understand it and it upset me. I had almost given up and then he suddenly asked me out and we had a really nice time in the cinema. Our first night together a couple of weeks later was amazing. It was the best sex I ever had. And it was really weird but often we texted each other at the same time, as though we could read each others mind. I really thought this was love. But it seemed to him that he wasnt really sure whether we should start a relationshp, he was so busy etc and he didnt know whether he would have time for a girlfriend. But I was patient and convinced him that we would be good together. For a while it went well. He never had a lot of time, and he stood me up about once every week, which he explained away that he wasnt one to plan...
By that time I had already fallen in love with him, we had so much in common I thought and whenever we were together I was the happiest person on earth...
But we fought a lot, because he only ever came to my place and when I asked him to meet his friends and go to his place for once he always said no...and at work, we had to keep it a secret that we were together...he told me that he had troubles with his employers before when he was with a girl I knew, that the boss wasnt too pleased about it...the girl (Nadine) and him were still good friends and I was pretty jealous of her but he convinced me that there was no reason to be jealous...
Then that fateful night...we had been together about 3 1/2 months...he acted strangely all week, didnt want to see me or call me and finally I asked whether he wants to break up and he said he didnt know...which I took as a yes...later that week me and my best friend went to a disco, and I saw him there...we had a talk and he told me really liked me but wasnt in love with me...I was devastated...
but I still thought that we belong together and I didnt want to give up on him...we had a chat again and he told me that he does really like me and everything and so I convinced him to stay with me...I told him we could just go at it slowly and perhaps his feelings would evolve into love and that after all Im a cool girl and everything...he agreed we should give it another go...but it just got worse...like, he tried from time to time, to put more effort into the relationship....but he stood me up even more often, and then we he got a new laptop, he actually told me he'd rather not see me that week because he wanted to try out his new laptop...and then, one night when we were together, I asked him why he never invited me to parties with his friends and he said I wouldnt fit in there and that he was ashamed because we would look odd together...(I've got a few more kilos and he's really thin)...I was so hurt...and broke up with him. But then he was away for a week and I still missed him so much and he had also convinced me that it was because he has low self esteem and not because he's an *******...but when he got back, he acted all cold and that night he broke up with me....


But now the worst bit....
I found out from that girl Nadine, that he actually fell in love with her and proposed to her while we've still been together!!
And when I asked him about it, yes, it was true, and that the only reason he has been with me was because he felt sorry for me. He thought that I was without friends and that no one in the company really cared about me and thats why he started it off with me. And some people also gossiped about me and thats why he didnt want to admit that he's been with me. And that he didnt know how to stop it anymore, because he didnt want to 'hurt' me and thats why he lied to me all the time and made up excuses etc and that he deliberately acted like a **** boyfriend so I would dump him eventually but that that didnt work either...

Is there anything worse than to be told that the guy you loved only has been going out with you because he pitied you and that in fact he was in love with someone else all this time?? And that he was ashamed of you. And that everything was a lie....

At the moment, my self esteem is at the lowest point it ever has been (and its never been exactly high because I always was a bit self conscious because of my weight but I thought he accepted me like I was....what a joke....)

My heart hurts really bad...he only told me yesterday...and its like something has been ripped out of me and I feel unable to do things...I keep dropping things or cry at odd moments....
BellaXY BellaXY
22-25
Jul 10, 2010