I'd Catch A Grenade For Her... But She Won't Do The Same

I guess it's unrealistic... to think that someone out there would actually wait for you because they said you were special. When she looks at me in the eyes and tells me that I'm amazing, it doesn't mean that everything she ever wanted. No one can ever be truly satisfied or content with everything in life, and that goes especially for one's significant other.

I came back from another country, thinking we hadn't seen each other in some time... we'll have to grow together again. And we did... only to find out that her idea of being together wasn't "alone" together. Stories of her and her X being together, and all the other things she loves as the 'singles' life style... I don't know if I'm supposed to try to compete with that or what.

This is all I know, I would have waited a long time for that close to perfection imagery I've got in my head. This girl was everything I ever wanted in someone. And I'm pretty sure she told me she felt the same. But now that she's already gone and lied to me before, and now that I know **** from her past is haunting us both... how the hell am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to do? I love her, but all I see are the mistakes of the past. What can you do to find proof that love legitimately exists between us? Trust is supposed to be the key issue, but right now it's a shaky fense and I dunno what I can do to find my confidence and my self esteem back. I feel ruined, like I have a withering heart in my chest. I don't even feel like I belong in a relationship, because she's a kind of girl that belongs with a strong man that can inspire her.

I used to be.... now I feel like I'm drowning in a coffin that's been burried out to see. And it's only getting colder and darker. If anyone's ever recovered from the point I'm at, please message me. Let me know that life moves on, and that we can get over this. That we're worth something at all.
WonderlustKing WonderlustKing
22-25, M
1 Response Dec 16, 2010

i am in the same situation you're in right now. he's a world away, i haven't even met him in person but my stubborn heart keeps on loving and longing for him. i love him genuinely but he has a thousand alibis that i seem to believe even if i didn't want to. but don't worry bro, we will get thru this phase. I've been thru worse, and i moved past it and was fine until now..again.. :( just hang in there.. what goes around comes around and one day, they will be the ones chasing us, feeling what we feel now. until then, you can wallow but continue to breathe. its still a better day to live than leave.