Lonely Wife

My husband of almost 2 years is pushing me away.  He no longer goes to bed with me. Instead, he stays up all night and sleeps all day.  When I get upset, he just blames me for wanting too much from him or I explode and he says that I am immature.  Says he will come to bed, but doesn't until 4 or 5am.  This happens every night for over 2 months now.

My first husband was very attentive and loving, but passed away in 2003.  I met my new husband 2 years  later and things were amazing.  Now , I am ready to find another man to spend time with.  One who wants me not only when he wants me, but when I want to be wanted.

angisacct angisacct
15 Responses Sep 6, 2008

Gosh your story is sad! What a man to neglect you !!

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My husband doesn't seem to understand what quality time is anymore even though I spell it out to him daily. He gets addicted to games and spends hours on end playing them. He used to spend hours with me snuggling and talking and dreaming together. Affirming one another and helping one another. He was the one who helped me out of anorexia. I need him back. I miss him and it hurts and is confusing. Am I not as valuable as the games? I must not be very important, or not as fun. I need help also as I have been ill for too long and I can't recover on my own. I can't survive on my own even. I don't know what to do and how to get that loving sensitive guy back. He's not sensitive or empathetic anymore.

You just described my life, I love the last sentence you wrote " One who wants me not only when he wants me, but when I want to be wanted" that is how I always feel. He doesn't want anything but my body and I hate it! makes me feel worthless.

"He doesn't want anything but my body and I hate it!"

At least you get that much, I don't even get that.

I thought I was alone but I'm not, I hate to hear that us as wives is being deprived from who we thought was going to be the last love of our lives, our rocks, our air we breathe, our absolute worship the ground he walks on, loving husbands well I was proven wrong of that one my husband is a military man and he was gone from me and my 4 children for 2 years these past two years now he's leaving again, but that's only part of it since we've been married 14 years, he's been gone 80% of the time I never ever ever spend time with him, I sometimes think about another man being in his place someone that values me as a great women, a man that looks at me the same I look at him, a man that says to me this is me and you time, we can do whatever you like, cause god only knows I've been dreaming of this man for so long I just picture him being another man when he is home because all of our distance have caused me to forget about him forget that he even exist anymore cause to me he don't. I don't want any help because he's been this way so long and after 5000 talks of him wanting to be with me he haven't changed yet so I'm looking at this situation with what ever happens happens, will it even matter if he leaves? I never ever see him anyway

What has caused his aversion to you? He still at home so there is every chance that he does not have another woman. You say he spends a lot of time watching TV late. If it is late TV, there are the adult programs that are on during the late hours. Why not ask him if you can watch TV along with him. Do not get aggravated by his attitude. In my previous relationship we watched these programs together and it was fun and only increased our bond. What drove him to the TV instead of you? There are so many other matters associated with rejection. The trigger to these can be anything. Nagging, friends, culture, habits, attitude etc etc. Try not to give and take the initiative by building bridges. Marriage or relationship needs to be built. It does take time. Once the initial attraction fade, the reality of spending more time together takes it toll. I had a very happy (or thought that I had) relationship with an older women for some time. It so happened that she did have a past or hidden secret that I did not know of. She happened to meet her former lover (girl friend). But, these things happen. Please work on your marriage. Finding another partner does not mean to say you will solve a problem. Take care.

oh my god it s sad how many married women are living a lonely and sad life , my husband kicked me out of the house but i didn t leave , i said to myself i m gonna do what i have to do as a wife cause i married him front of god ,and i m sure that god will never forget sad broken heart people <br />
we need to stick together , this web site at least puts a smile on my face with i see that i m not the only one , and i m not the only one who married a crazy man :( , hun i wish u all the best , see what is good for u first than him , cause i m sure that he doesn t care about ur feeling at alllll

I'm there as well. For two months my husband hasn't gone to bed at the same time as me. He some times visits me for sex and then gets up again. He comes home from work, goes on his PC and I don't see him again except to give him food. We have a two year old boy that I could do with help with. I'm so lonely. I got married to have some one to hold at night and to talk to some times. He just snaps at me. He says he still loves me but I don't think he even likes me. We have only been married for two and a half years. I feel so demoralised. I try to take care of our boy and keep the house tidy but it is never perfect enough and our son is never well enough behaved. My husband used to be sweet and fun and now he is controlling and distant. I don't know what to do. He is trying to start up his own business which he says is stressing him out but what about me? I feel like just fading away.

your not alone sweetie your story sounds like mine but its a PS3 and not a PC and he doesn't even want me for sex. I have just faded away in the back ground even sleeping in the living room.

Any one there to help me with my problem? Husband does not want to spend time with me. I'm 38 and feel like 20 tied of staying home. Some one please help?

hi am ready to bed with and satisfy the ladys who r not happy in their marriage life mail me who r intrested to meet me at silmish@gmail.com

Your comment shows me the other side of the bed. Your situation is very different, however, we share the same feelings. I want him to come to bed with me to hold me (maybe sex) but just to be close since we are very busy during the day. I completely understand why you avoid her. Have you ever tried to talk to her about getting some counceling? She needs to vent to someone else. IMaybe tell her to journal. She gets it out, says exactly how she feels and no one gets hurt but she will feel better. If she feels the need to talk about all your problems, try a marriage councelor and let someone mediate. They will certainly let her know she is the one with the problem. Hang in there. you deserve to sleep like a baby too!

i avoid going to bed with my wife at all cost. although she will complain that we should go to bed together and i sometimes "forget" and try agin, it only confims what i know. we stopped having sex years ago. if i come to the bedroom she uses the time before we fall asleep to vent on all our problems. its a curtin lecture. after 20-30 minutes of venting she falls asleep like a baby and i stay awake and upset for hours. many many nights i will sit on the stairs waiting for her to turn of the lights - then in another 20 minutes i slip into bed.

"we stopped having sex years ago."

To which I would assume you mean you would still like to. And again I don't even get that much attention or consideration. I mean hell sometimes it will be up to a month at a time before we finally do have sex. And even then its only because I have complained about it enough for him to finally do so after he spent that entire time locked in another room watching **** every single night for hours upon hours.

My husband would think this is a site for pity partyers lol. keep coming back.its helped me alot to write and read and know that im not alone.it will help you too to vent to ppl who share the same..and then maybe it will help you see more clearly.i know your hurting.i lived most of my marriage in stuggles and neglect and hurt feelings.i became alot stronger though.and im not so needy all the time.now i value my alone time lol.i view his absence like a mini vacation and his return home like a honeymoon.its all how w chose to percieve what are life is about and how we chose to act.btw..my husband works out of state..is gone anywhere from 5 to 10 weeks at a time..and also is a pro fisherman..which also takes him away from home for weeks of practice..sigh...23 yrs of mariage later..so you decide what YOU can handle and what YOU want:) hugs.

I don't know what to write....thank you very much for the sound advice. I WILL! As like your's, mine is very self. Puts himself before all others. I try not to compare hunhugs, but when I do everything for him and he does nothing for me, I am ready to give up him and get out of this mess. If he found out I was doing this, he would be furious thinking I am chatting with men. I have to be careful. <br />
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THANKS SO MUCH!!!! Please keep in touch! Ang

Im so so sorry your feeling this way.I totally understand.I've been there many times hon.Best thing for you is to find something to enjoy apart from him.its the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.he will come around for your attention when he sees you busy with your own..and if he continues to neglect you..have a heart to heart with him.no tears..be firm.i hope it works out for you..i been married with the same selfish man for 23 years.i have allowed him so much freedom,he is ocean fishing for 4 days away from home as we speak now. marriage takes work..all are different.try not to compare hon"hugs" if this man is worth keeping..learn to change and adjust.try my suggestions ,find a hobby,enjoy time with a friend..and have a heart to heart talk with him.pick a time when he is not sleepy or feeling defensive cause hes staying up late again.my hubby did that too for 2 years because a online game he was addicted too.i went to bed alone and sad...ugh..my uncle says.."a man will only do what we allow them to do" sigh.anyway..keep me posted on how your doing:)