A Lifetime Endevor...

as far back as i can remember i've been drawing and painting or creating in one form (medium) or another..other enjoyable things have come and gone by the way side, but this has always remained. i seem to almost have an out of body experience  when i paint..i loose track of time and don't care if i eat or sleep( which is a good thing,i guess,since i suffer from insomnia most of the time..i have an understanding husband with my obcession (thank god). the best time for me to paint is late at night. i guess this started when my kids were small and that was the only free time i had..but now, they've grown up and gone and i'm still in the night owl mode. i can truly say that- the onyl time i feel free and at peace with all the stuff in my life is when i paint because everything else sorta fades away into unimportance. my art takes over all my senses..then, i'm happy. of course, like most everyone else in this world, there are many things i do...but my art is so ver satisfying for me that it has seen me through some really rough times..if i lost the ability to create..i'd be at a loss as to my worth here on this earth. because of health reasons, and my age,there's not alot of options left out there for me anymore...one thing about it..if the skill is there and you can still hold a paintbrush..the sky's the limit on creating! my biggest problem?  i'm not a people person..so, therefore, i draw and paint but never try to sell...i even had 16,000.00 worth of prints made up by the very best (around here) printers on the best rag. they're all in the basement. sitting in the company boxes..just sitting there. it's not that i don't want recognition and  money..because i do..it's a good dose of  fear. fear of success or maybe i don't want to be judged by people i feel don't really know art. or maybe it would be like baring my true soul to everyone.like exposing myself...i don't know. there's been people in the past years that have viewed my work(when my husband literrally made me enter a contest or art show) that have bought some pieces. sometimes for 1.000.00's of dollars...but i was nearly physically sick just standing there ( feeling judged and asked for techniqe...i don't have any special thing i do. so, i feel like a fool when i have to explain something i can't explain except to say i love what i've always done.  am i the only person out there that feels this way about their art?  i guess i'm not thick skinned enough...
greentealover greentealover
56-60, F
Jul 22, 2010