I'm a 45 yr old married mother of two. I have been married to my current husband 9 years. About 4 yrs ago he decides he doesn't love me anymore and after a rocky couple of years realizes that he'd rather tough it out with me than divorce me. After finding myself in this situation and not wishing to get into an ugly custody battle with him, I've decided to find love elsewhere. In addition to our many differences, we are sexually incompatible. I'm a female submissive and a sexual masochist. My husband has never really been able to understand or fulfill my needs in this regard and I'm bored to tears with normal sex. So I went online looking for someone who was in a situation like mine but on the flipside of the coin.. That's where I met my Master. He is a 40 yr old father of two in a 12 yr marriage to a woman he loves but who is sexually incompatible with Him. He can deal with her revulsion and fear about his sexual preferences so He went online looking for someone like me. When we met it was like kismet. A total connection like I've never felt before. He's the Yin to my Yang and we know instinctively what the other person wants and desires. He deeply regrets that He has to resort to having a slave on the side and struggles with massive guilt over it all. He respects me and cares a great deal for me as I do for Him. I don't feel any regret for having a Master on the side. I wish it could be more than an occassional arrangement but we have to take extreme measures to ensure our spouses don't discover the truth. I am not sure how my husband would react. He'd probably be mad that I had the gumption to go get a lover and he didn't. I don't think it would matter to him except for the fact that I'm enjoying myself and he isn't. He may have someone of his own, but I sincerely doubt it. He's such a jerk that I can't imagine anyone choosing to be with him and he really doesn't have time to sneak around. Besides, I give him all the sex he could possibly want.. just not the kind I really prefer. So after 6 months with my Master I have come to have some very deep feelings for Him. I would walk away from Him in a second if it came down to me or ruining his marriage. I love Him that much. I don't want to be the end of it all for Him because I know how much He loves his kids and wife. I envy her a lot, she doesn't really understand how lucky she is and it makes me mad that she doesn't really put Him first or appreciate what she has. She is a very selfish woman from what I have been told and that's part of the problem. I know someday we will have to part ways and it'll probably hurt like hell, but I've already decided that any pain I experience in the future will be well worth the happiness I have now and I won't regret it at all.
Written on May 11th, 2010