Does Trust Exist?

After two years of stolen moments I have found myself analyzing everything about what how he acts and what he says. He tells his wife that he is off a motorcycle ride with the boys or he is attending training in another city. However, when I don't hear from him during the day or he doesnt email me goodnight I wonder if he is spending time with his wife or does he have another mistress. I wonder if and when we ever do become a legitimate couple will he be telling me the same lies as he does his current wife. I worry that trust will be a big issue between us. I do get upset when he doesnt call and doesnt email email me and I have found that I retaliate by not answering when he does call or write me. Doesnt he know that I love him and I have/am sacrificing for him every night I go to bed alone. The company's Christmas Party is coming up and I will go alone..I am beginning to think that it isnt worth the wait. I am so tired of being lonely. He has companionship with his wife and all I have is an occasional email, phonecall, and booty call. Its been 2 years..Is it really worth the wait or should I find someone that will give me the love and attention I need on a full time basis. My co-workers have told me to dump him like a bad habit and they don't even know he is married. Its just because of all the broken promises. He will tell me that he will call me in the morning and I wont hear from him until late that night. He calls me on Friday night to make sure I am not out partying or out on a date with someone. He wants me to sit at home and wait for him while he is enjoying spending time with his wife. I tell him that I cant wait to be his only love and he tells me that I am..well I surely dont feel like I am his only love.

I just needed to write down what was on my mind tonight.
Thanks for reading..
Centasional Centasional
41-45, F
5 Responses Oct 31, 2012

Wow. You sound just like my guy. Im married. He has been upset for a while because I break alot of promisses. I dont break them on purpose. Life sometimes doesnt allow me to give him as much attention as he wants or needs. He has been freaking out for the last month daily, questioning everything I do or dont do. He came into this knowing I was restricted. And you went into it knowing he was restricted too. I have a job I need to concentrate on, I have kids, I have a spouse im no longer in love with. I give him 100% of what I have. The more you pull away the less we can confide in you. I no longer know how soon I will be in this marriage. I was ending it, almost completely through until he pulled away this last week. Im sure it had alot to do with Valentines. He and I are over now. Too much pushing and pulling. Ask him for a time frame. If he doesnt meet the time frame move on.

girl at least you hear from him several time during the week. the only time my MM calls is when he wants to do it. now THAT hurts. but like you I'm in love. I can't let him go. and they will never leave their wives. that's their safe place and they will be risking so much if they do.

i'm sailing in the same boat wd you dating him from past 1 and half year,bt in my case he had confront our relation to his wife and nw i hv started going to his house,play with his baby girl,he is giving his best to me how much he can bt somewhere even i have that same doubts like yours and i also spend nights n nights alone in bed and somewhere i feel evn i need someone who can be with me all the time,i also dont know what to do,i love him,my heart says something and my mind says something.

I'm sorry, but the reality is that very often relationships don't last after becoming "legitimate". Also, it doesn't sound like he would be faithful to you. Trust that voice inside you.

I totally feel for you. Follow your gut on whether or not he's worth it. It won't let you down. ((hugs))