Valentine'S DayI celebrated Valentine's Day with my MM and it was amazing. I was so excited to see him, after all it has been a month since I had seen him. A nice dinner, making love, falling asleep in his arms, and waking up to him kissing my back was so comforting. For 24 hours I was on cloud 9. And then...we had to part. From the time I left until I got home I went from being on cloud 9 to being so upset I just couldnt stand it. I didnt even want to speak to him, I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. The most painful part about being in this relationship is telling him goodbye each time we see each other. It hurts more and more each time I have to say goodbye. I want to be a part of his life, I want to be in a normal relationship with him. One that has no secrets, one that has no goodbyes. I simply want to be his first choice.
If you read my last post, you probably are wondering why I changed my mind about seeking revenge and ending it. I do love him, even though our relationship is very unhealthy I do love him. I do feel hurt and pain in my heart when we are apart but when we are together all that pain is replaced with butterflies. Call him an addiction. The question I ask myself is do I wait 2 years for him or do I move on with my life and find someone that will make me his first choice. There is no guarantee that in 2 years he will leave his wife. My biggest fear is that I would have wasted 2 years on a dream that will never come true.