Its hell. Loving him so much and being #2. He says he loves me and I love him. But I know there's no future. But to save my life I am addictived to him. I can't walk away tried already more than once. The pleasure I get just seeing him a little while. He keeps me going. Makes me have confindence in myself. How to leave.. We've talked about it but i can't let go. He says no matter what happens we're friend above everything else. And he wants to remain friends no matter where we're headed. I can't be just friends. I depend on him too much. I thought about seeking theraphy but haven't. Don't know if it will help. I'm also in a relationship with a man who never touches me. Its like roommates. ON the the other hand he has a good wife and I don't know why he's still with me after years.