Over Half My Life

I  began seeing my married man at the age of 19, he was 25 . He is on his 3rd marraige and I have just left my 2nd husband. Throughout our 5 marraiges we have constantly seen each other on and off, but in the past years it has become alot stronger, emotinally, physically and spiritually. I truely belive we are soul mates. He says he wants to leave his wife, but they have children which I respect and understand. I feel cheated, and very hardly done by. When do we get a chance? I have loved this man for more than 21 years at the end of this month, and I want him more than ever.

Jodhi2 Jodhi2 36-40 5 Responses Jul 13, 2009

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if your younger

do you think we have the disadvantage?

You are hanging on to a dream and the thing about dreams is they are always much better than the reality. If someone is using children as a reason they are not leaving then they don't really want you.

I have to agree with JJill.

When I met my married lover, I was really vulnerable, having just turned eighteen and having had a baby just a month previously.

My boyfriend - the faher of my son - had disappeared into the sunset, leaving me dependant on State benefit.

I was forced - under threat of having my benefit stopped - to take my boyfriend to court, to sue for maintenance.

It was a nasty experience, into which I won't go now.

I met the married man in the local pub, where I'd gone for my first night out with my girl friend since I'd given birth.

He was a local shop-owner, who I'd known to talk to for a couple of years.

He bought me drinks, flattered me......

Long story short, his wife was away that night and I went back to their flat with him.

Three years later, after being beaten black and blue by him, I realised that he'd never leave his wife.

I broke with him, but he wouldn't let it go.

He turned up outside my house, threatened my new boyfriend.......

I had to take out a restriction order to stop him.

Thirty years on, I see that all the hopes I pinned on him were despearte attempts to fulfill a need within myself.

I saw him, about three weeks ago, in a supermarket......

He's now seventy-two and is a hunched old man!

I'm no great shakes, being disabled and in a wheelchair, but I know I have aged better than HE has.

To the original poster I can only say that you owe it to YOURSELF to TRY to move on - leave this waster behind.

He will NEVER be there for you; he seeks only a boost for his own lack of self-esteem.

Oh Robyn you're too hard on Jodhi...


Believe me, this man is not the "be all and end all." You say you've loved this man for 21 years. No dear, you don't. The issue to all of this is you. Take him out of the picture for a minute, and just examine you and your life. The mistakes you've made. I can almost hear you say "my marriage didn't last because I am inlove with this man." Sounds to me like you are using this man as an excuse. Hiding behind him and this "love" to avoid acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, it's you and only you who is responsible for the mess you've made.

All this time, there's an emptiness and restlessnes in you. An unfulfilled longing which you conclude, is somehow attached to this man. No, wrong again! Dig deep and really be honest with yourself...where the hell is all this unhappiness coming from? I suspect way back when you were young. Find the cause and you're halfway there. Stop insisting its this man. Aren't you tired of it? I am and I've only read your story once.

Have faith.

I have to wonder how he managed to get through two previous marriages and be on his third by the time he got to twenty-five.....!

Should that not have told you something.....?

Having said that, however, I fell in love with a married man in 1975, when I was eighteen and he was thirty-eight.

It's so cliched to say that he constantly promised he'd leave his wife and we'd be together, that I spent lonely nights (not by the phone, cos we didn't HAVE a phone) waiting for him to get away.

Gave him Christmas and birthday gifts he had to keep hidden......

I've been on the other side of the coin, when my first husband had an affair with my (so-called) best friend, promised me it was over, then ran off with her, leaving me penniless......

No easy answer, sweetie, except to say that if you're meant to be together you will be.