My Mother My Hero

i was told at a young age that my mom wouldnt make it in this life very long and instantly i started to push her away i didnt want to sit and watch her die and i was 13 years old so didnt know what to do i felt like the whole world turned on me i couldnt fix it and there was nothing i could do to make it better . well i got sent off to faster homes and gruop homes you know thrown into the system. then as the day came she died of hiv and full blown aids i suddenly realized i messed up i should have been there for her not hurting her and that i needed her here with me . i was left in this world alone and still am to this day i am lost without my mom

megan16 megan16
22-25
2 Responses Feb 9, 2009

I'm sorry for you're loss. At thirteen you did what you thought was right, don't blame yourself or the past. I'm sure you mom is watching over you now and realizes how much you loved her, even if you didn't have an opportunity to tell her towards the end.

I can understand how you feel, sweetie. I lost my mom to aggressive cancer in 1997 and the pain will become easier to deal with, trust me.<br />
I think your mom knew you loved her, and were afraid for her and her impending death, and that's o.k.<br />
It's o.k to be afraid to lose someone you love and do not want to see them go and pushing them away is quite natural. Who really wants to see someone die, except a serial killer or a psychopath, anyway?<br />
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, but now that she's watching over you, she knows how you felt and how you feel now. Here's my suggestion to you : go to a quiet place, and clear your mind. Start to picture your mom as if she were still here with you, but healthy, and talk to her. Tell her everything, tell her you love her, ask her to continue to watch over you and to be with you, embrace the warmth she will give to you.<br />
I wish you the best of luck and please let me know if there's anything I can help you with.