18 Years

I have been married to a man with with this disorder for 18 years. I apparently have no self respect. I have accepted one after another after another incident with him being terrible to me and/or my family and friends over the years thinking it will get better but what is wrong with me. I'm afraid that he can't survive without me, every time I even attempt to say say something about his behavior he threatens to kill himself. I'm not sure if he would or not, but I'm starting to think that I don't give a crap. He has damaged or eliminated my relationship with all my friends and family. He is an alcoholic and he does nothing when he is not working other than drink and sit in the dark in the basement. He is pissed off at me "and hurt" because I don't pay attention to him and sit in the dark in a room under the garage with him. If I even suggest that he might benefit from some therapy he threatens to just kill himself. I am having stress related health issues HEART due to the fact that I'm swallowing all of the realted stress from this. I think that I want out and I am very sad that I feel like a failure because I want a chance to live.