Planning to Marry a Muslim Man

hi good day! i am 25 yrs old working here in dubai as a secretary i meet a pakistani man in dubai and turns to be my boy friend hes a muslim and i am a roman catholic. i love him and i know that he also loves me. but there is one instance that my trust was gone because he dated another girl and keep secrects with me. he already apologize to me and tell me that he will not do it again and he will not talk to this lady anymore. until now it really let me cry at night when i remember what he did to me. he already said sorry and i said lets forget about it. now hes asking me to marry him and convert to islam i dont know what to do because i am afraid what will be the result of marrying a muslim man. i am reading articles that really helps me a lot but still i need some advice with this matter.

thank you.


tweetybird2009 tweetybird2009
26-30, F
38 Responses Feb 26, 2009

I am a muslim guy and as another guy here said, its against Islamic teatching to date, I am not saying all muslims respect that and I am sorry for that, this guy if he want to marry you he shoudnt force you to become a muslim cos accepting islam should come from your believes not just to get marred to a muslim man, and another thing, you are Christian so whats the problem then, islam accept marriage btewen muslim men and christien or jewish women and you can ask for that at any Mosque near you,

I think the whole thing is a joke, it is against Islamic teachings to date, and this male (not a Man) is a fornicator, and your just being treated badly, and now he wishes to use the word religion, there is nothing religious about this guy, you should visit a mosque and ask what the people there think of him as a Muslim.

Yes I agree with you, and I suggest the same thing

Muslims are no different then xtians, Jews, Hindus, agnostics, atheist etc, they are all people, with their own individual characters and personality traits, all of them as equally capable of being good and bad, capable of loving and abusing,,,

If you decide to merge a relationship with ANYONE, it is extremely wise of you to take the time to get to know them in all the different colours and aspects of life. Learn about their cultureobserve their family dynamics (how their relationship to their relatives is), make yourself known on the type of ideologies they "uphold/praise", what type of mentality they associate themselves with, what are the teaching, dogmas and rulings of their faith, and how consistent are they with their behavior and manner within the relationship?,

Basically you have to really put a lot of effort and time into "investigation" and observations, as well as "testing boundaries", before you decide on anything about "where the relationship" is heading.

It is YOUR responsibility to secure your own safety and happiness, and how much happiness and security you will have in a relationship is all dependent on how much time,work and effort you put into your decision making!

Idealistically for a Muslim it's to marry another Muslim, because the teachings and rulings are so much clearer, and if both are educated sincere humans (religious and humanity wise) they would have an happy and IDEAL marriage,

So I will conclude by saying, don't get distracted by labels, appearance or charm, but instead maintain a healthy level of doubt and investigate till you have a very good amount of facts and knowledge before you indulge further into the relationship (be it, to marry or simply even move in together)

A friendly advice to both religious people and non-religious people, because we are all potential victims for abusive relationship if we are not mindful of our actions and choice of partners!

I wish you all the best in the future, and never do anything that isn't beneficial or agreeable to you!

Muslim 'Love' is not love as the rest of the world understands it.
If you want to become a slave and forfeit most of your human rights then go right ahead.
But you have been Oh So Warned !!!!

listen dear , im a muslim girl and you should think carefully about something , if you are planning to become a muslim u should do it only because you believed in islam and become more faithful in ALLAH however if u wanted to become a muslim because him you wont be happy , help your self by take a look about islam religion and read about it , he should not force you he should ask you this in the right way like tell you why would you love to be a muslim , my best wishes for you and happiness , hoping to be helpful

doesnt sound like a decent muslim. a decent one would not have have relations with girls.and hypocrite is ur worst night mare.coz he professea one thing and lives by another.the religion is honest but not all the caitious

islam is **** , and if he wants you to convert to **** he sure doesnt love you . in simpler words some people will live to fit the world to them selves , some will adjust to the whims of the ones they love . i think the second kind would be better .

Shut up u jerk.if u dont kniw anything about islam and muslims its better u shut up ur unhygienic face

I think u shoul at least reaf Quran..understand its meaning.its deep but yet easy in sha Allah and accept islam..
Allah is The Only True God and The Most Metciful.He Will Forgive all ur sins if u repent

Doesn't mind u really have no mind. No brains

I understand your confusion. Be very careful. Here's my story. I was raised roman catholic and I did fall in love with a muslim man and I was afraid to marry him because of the differences in our religion. I am open to all beliefs now and I honor all people and their own personal relationship with their God and I told him to marry a woman from his culture and religion. for 10 years he kept writing to me and telling me he still loved me and would marry only me. I finally saw him again after 10 years and we talked very honestly that I honored his religion but that I would never become muslim because of the way women are treated. he agreed and we married. For 2 years it was really good. We really loved each other and I brought him to the US and taught him to drive (he was 40 and had never owned a car or driven before) I helped him build a business and buy tools and get established and a green card in America. Then at 3 years after marriage he began telling me that I couldn't go to heaven unless I became Muslim and that he married me to save me. He insisted that I cover my head and cover myself with more conservative clothes. )I have always dressed with great respect and have been conscious of always being more conservative when I was around people from his culture. Then one day he went to his country and months later returned with a very young woman who was pregant and told me that she was his second wife who he would have children with because I wouldn't become muslim...I was an infidel....and would never go to heaven because I wouldn't join Islam. I cried for tore my heart out but he had become more and more abusive and controlling and I had to divorce him even tho I still loved him and wanted to be with him. I knew that it would destroy all of my self esteem.

Be very careful! Trust and communication are huge! If you are going to convert do it for yourself! How long ago was this cheating incident? I would not rush into anything. Make sure you know what kind of man he is before you are legally joined! Good luck and take care!

Do whatever make you happy.

you need to talk to haala89,she can give you great advice on this subject

If I were you - dont do it. If you convert to Islam, convert on your own not for ANY MAN whatsoever. <br />
<br />
and you've already got a history with him being dishonest. I would say you should bounce and not listen to a thing he says. trust me. <br />
<br />
and should you marry another muslim man, read the quran and education yourself on your rights as a nonmuslim. Its very important because many do take advantage of your lack of knowledge and vulnerabilities.

Im married to a Arab man from Jordanian and we have good relationship He is a God fearing man and thats whats matter. If a Muslim is not praying 5 times a day or fasting during Ramadan then he's most likely to cheat and not treat you right.

I totally agree! My husband doesn't always pray ( I will admit...) BUT he does try! And he is religious about fasting and only eating halal. We joke I was his one big sin haha.

god bless you

A Muslim man can married a christian woman, you can convert on your will, there is no enforcement in Islam.<br />
First studied is lsam, read Quran and hadese. if you like you revert its up to you.<br />
christian are called in Quran people of book muslim have to belive all prphets in including Jesus,Abraham,jonis etc. so Islam is Abrahamic religion.<br />
Christianity and Islam have many similarity too.<br />
cheating is nothing to do with Islam or Muslim its his individual thing to a person.<br />
watch not Muslims and there way of life but read Quran what it says.<br />

Mashallah! You're statement is above all true! It is disgusting that someone would try to use Islam to force someone to do anything. Islam is like a diamond, and forcing someone to practice is like cutting them with it. not matter how beautiful the diamond the person will hate it because of the pain its caused them! I believe the same about Christianity. The fact remains if a Muslim man or his family is using conversion to Islam as an excuse to put off marriage he/they are looking for an excuse and they better watch out! Allah (swt) does not like being made a mockery of!

well said man..

I'm married to a muslim man from Senegal. We have one duaghter together. My husband never asked me to convert, however I would advise any Christian person to never be unequally yoked with anyone. Me and my husband face many challenges in our marriage bc of this! If I can take back tomorrow I would have never dated or married him. My husband does not respect me and in return i show little respect, we are headed towards a divorce! I will not encourage any Christian to live in this manner!

can i just say your " boyfreind" is commiting a very big sin by dating you, and him commiting adultry with another woman is a very very big sin in the eye of islam. i am a muslim reverted girl and my husband is muslim and we are very happy together and i am very happy with the faith i have taken on. i say dont marry him because he cheated on you but still consider reverting to islam for yourslef... you should never revert for somebody as it is not accepted. :)

Assalamo Alaikum, I am engaged to a man from a small town near Cairo. We have been talking for nearly 1 1/2 years. I reverted last year and am planning to visit Cairo in the Fall to take care of the arrangements. Reading all of your stories has helped me to not feel so isolated. I stopped going to the masjid in my town due to being made to feel challenged by cradle muslimas, now I have no support. My fiancee has been nothing but honorable in our communications. It was his love for Islam and patient teachings that drew me to the faith (I already believed in the principles even as a Christian). Like MmeSassi, it appears that my life is reduced to waiting for text, voice mails, or the evening when we can chat. I vacillate between wearing hijab and not due to my profession. I live in a small Bible-belt state and discrimination is already rampant, and wearing hijab the proper way would make things hard for me, so I half cover as to appear to be trendy or some other diversion. So now I wonder, when my husband comes, who is a imam, how am I gonna pull this off. Im scared, so Im looking for a job in a larger city where my revertion will go unnoticed. I feel bad about this but I do trust that Allah knows my heart and I pray for courage every day to live my deen. Thanks, just needed to vent, tired of getting migraines about it.

we3lykom el slam we rahmet allah we barkato. you may have been to egypt by now i hope you enjoyed your time there. i grew up in cairo and been here since i was 16 so i miss it.i just wanted to comment on wearing the hejab since you said you are looking for a job in a bid city.i don't believe in doing is your freedom to wear it any where and you shouldn't change your town or your job for this are wearing it because you believe in it and believe in being a Muslim and want to follow it the right way so you are doing it for your self not any one else so you shouldn't really be concerned of what people strong and stand your ground and if you hear a comment about it from someone one day stand your ground and answer back. a nun doesn't move to so she can cover from head to toe does she?. i`m not wearing the hejab yet insha allah one day i`ll but i believe strongly in not letting ppl bullying women about hejab. i wear the hejab of course when i`m going to the masjed and i believe last Eid i had a hejab and abya and after i went to the mall and my son witch was 8 asked me a you not going to change and he seemed embarrassed so i talked to him more about it and made sure to wear it more often and go out covered in public so he learn this is a normal thing. neither me or him should be scared or ashamed of wearing hejab .any way my point is don't worry about what other ppl think.who cares as long as you feel in you heart you are doing the right thing and for you not for anyone else. good luck with your future husband insh allah you will have a happy life ;) oh and about stop going tot he masjed dont. i know there is some unfriendly women there. i see them here too and they do discourage us to go, but that shouldn't stop us from going.we are not going for them we are going for Allah- God.and you will meet some are very friendly so you never know you may find a friend one day there to help u be a better muslin. i`m hoping for one here to since i live in a small town too. if you became muslim because you believe in islam and for yourself just do what make you happy.and dont worry too much .about other ppl. ;) wish you luck and happiness in everything in your life dear ;o)

lets say someone goes in and robs a bank..let's say he was purple (not going to pin a certain race..lets just pretend lol) and lets also say there are a population of purples. and a pink(y) wants to buy from a purple store...does that mean from that ONE purple who did that..just because he did something rong doesnt mean were gonna to pin ALL ppl of purple color(...and not get our groceries from there stories)..same thing with you feel that wat he did was rong..and im not gonna defend hhim it WAS. BUT BUT BUT...plzzz plzzz plzzz...not everyone muslim is like that. give praise to allah (sorry dont mean to be disrispectful muslim lol) my father is a very good man..and so is all my mom's friends husbands and the family. im not telling u to marry just saying..that not all ppl are the same. and that if (sorry! again if im being disrispesctful...) but if (sorry!!) Allah wanted u to be question's asked...(sorry but..just my belif..realy dont mean to be disrestpectful!!!) i really do hope all is cleared up! :D...(and that he relizes wat he did was rong!)

hi thank you for all your comments...we are now married...we got married year 2010 and had 1 baby girl...i am happy being a mother but i am not happy being his wife...i don't know but it seems like everything change...being me as a very happy woman when i was i am a wife where i cannot even do social interaction even with my friends....i am not free anymore i am like in jail because i marry him.... i don't know if i need to regret because i marry him.....i am really confuse

I am in a very similar situation minus the child. I lost myself and who I was as a person when I married my Muslim husband. I regret marrying him after such a short period of time :( He too cheated on me while we were dating, but I didn't find out until after we were married. He had no intentions of telling me...he lied about everything when I had suspicions. And after I found out, he tells me lets just forget about it! I think had I known, I wouldn't have married him! We have been married 2 years now, I love him but I don't think I am IN love with him. I dislike several of his cultural/Algerian traditions. I often times feel like I don't exist.

be your own person, don't be anything through your husband. Love your child and make your life as you believe to be right, husband or not. If he doesn't allow you to live as yourself, then he is not good for you. After all, what is good for one is good for the other, if he can see his friends without you, so can you ... if he has a problem with it, that is just it, it is his problem. Don't feel like you have to be with him because your married, you can always move back home and let him decide what is important in his life, his friends or you. Goodluck

not all man are same pls don't judge islam because of him <br />
if you want to marry him you should see your rights in islam<br />
because women have a lot of rights like (haqmehar its amount of money he had to give it to you) <br />
for your security

My fiance is a Libyan Muslim. He has never hinted that I convert. (I am Christian American.) He has always maintained that one should convert, if they wish and on their own will. In fact, I've shown more of an interest in his religion than he has in sharing it with me! I've made it clear I too not plan on converting. And we have an understanding and agreement ba<x>sed on compromising.He did live in Europe and Malta for a long time, and left Libya when he was 16, so he is fairly Westernized, and understands my culture. I on the other hand have maintained a serious interest in the "east" before and up to knowing him.Another great point made here, and which I want to highlight again, is that it is true that there is a big difference between the long-standing traditions of these regions vs Islam itself. Often the traditions are overlooked for Islam and vice versa, so people get an unrepresentative idea of what Islam is actually teaching. Lot's of ignorance and bias in the west too, esp. w/911. (This definitely goes both ways.)So definitely explore not only Islam for yourself but the specific region he comes from and understand more or less the traditions of the area vs the religion itself, and what he particularly embraces. There are many beautiful things, and new points of view in Islam. In fact, commonly people from the west and east will talk at length about how Islam and Christianity cannot mix. Well they can, especially depending on the people involved. My man and I very commonly discuss spirituality on a common ground. I encourage you to look at actually how similar our religions are. :)It's really all about compromise, and depends on how traditional a person is w/their respective culture and religion. Yes, it really depends on the person.Bottom line, it really doesn't matter to me where he's from, China, India, Pakistan or Greenland, him cheating has little to do w/his religion, it's WHO HE IS. I would never ever put up w/it personally, and I advise you to think hard and long because this is not only your future, but your (future) childrens'.God bless.

My views and thoughts have changed at this time. Please feel free to message me if you'd like to know more or you have any questions or insights. <3

please can you help me?
Im really confused about getting married to a muslim. Im a Christian girl, very religious. And my boyfriend and I are so In love, he's really different and doesnt think of hurting me one day..but im really scared if i marry him somedayhe'd change. what do u think?

Yes of course! Please send me a private message, and we can talk!

I live in Omaha Nebraska in the U.S. and am also married to a muslim man. a Palestinian who was born and raised in Beirut Lebanon. He is not paticularly religious, and I am not at all religious though I was raised in a Christian family. I did not convert when we got married and even kept my family name.

I am a happily married christian Canadian, with a Turkish muslim husband.<br />
<br />
It's not about the religion, it's about the individual person.<br />
<br />
Good luck to all, there is true love to be found everywhere in this world from every walk of life.

Any man regardless of their religious views can cheat. It doesn’t have to do with him being Muslim- it has to do with him as an individual! I am married to a Muslim man from Turkey. We are both 26. He never asked me to convert-he accepts me for me-he takes me out- we equally clean and cook-he loves the way I am outspoken. This man may be Muslim- above that he is my husband, my partner-we work TOGETHER as a team. We get into it sometimes because I am very outspoken, stubborn, and opinionated- not because he wants to oppress me as women. He is traditionally a quite person when in public, I am loud where ever I am…..we compromise and love each other. Don’t let religion make this decision for you. The big thing is how we are going to raise our kids- we decided non-secular (non-denominational) for now. This is a huge thing to think about. When we get there it will still be difficult but neither of us are unreasonable people- willing to compromise. Deep down you know who he is and what type of character he has- make your decision off of that. The fact that he cheated...that would make it hard to trust him so think wisely....good luck! Let me know if you have any questions…

marry anyone but a muslim .their only agenda in life is to bring non-believers to their fold and make safe passagefor themselves to heaven to be with 72 virgins and an eternal life

Marrying a man from a Muslim country or background is extremely risky and almost always a terrible idea for a Western woman. This is from my personal experience and my friends' various experiences:<br />
A Muslim man would prefer to take his male friends out for a night on the town - not you. The good little Muslim wife/slave stays home like a prisoner. Muslim husbands are allowed by Allah to beat their wives - check out the third page of the <br />
Quran. "Warn them and set them in beds apart and beat them." If you like being treated like a servant or worse, ignored or ordered around, "managed" by your Muslim husband in every detail of your life...go ahead and sign your life away.

Hi Tweet - <br />
<br />
I am married to a muslim man who cheated on me.he said because I did not tell him I was a wild woman before we got married. I felt, as an american, that what happened in the past .. is in the past. Well, he got very upset and he made the decision to cheat on me. We havre have been married for 7 years and I thiought I could move on but, I have never felt as though I could trust him. Each relationship is different and he should have not been intimate with you until after you were married. He also knew you were not muslim. He can not demand now that you become muslim. This is a choice that each and every muslim takes on there own. If you made it known that you would not convert then it is on him. Don't judge the religion by one person's actions. Read info about the religion and go find out for yourself if it is the right choice for you. God be with you :)

Hi Tweet - <br />
<br />
I am married to a muslim man who cheated on me.he said because I did not tell him I was a wild woman before we got married. I felt, as an american, that what happened in the past .. is in the past. Well, he got very upset and he made the decision to cheat on me. We havre have been married for 7 years and I thiought I could move on but, I have never felt as though I could trust him. Each relationship is different and he should have not been intimate with you until after you were married. He also knew you were not muslim. He can not demand now that you become muslim. This is a choice that each and every muslim takes on there own. If you made it known that you would not convert then it is on him. Don't judge the religion by one person's actions. Read info about the religion and go find out for yourself if it is the right choice for you. God be with you :)

i am muslim man and pak too.i will tell u islam is wonderful.but i don't know that what kind of man he is.i live in uae too.i can help u if u like.u can contact me.i will help u with clean heart.

I was married to a Muslim man for 40 years. The problem is not the religion. The problem comes after many years when people want somebody of their own religion and their own values. Yet, I do know some good Muslim men and good Muslim women. Good luck.

i am muslim man, an advice from me, don't judge our religion from our behaviour. there s big difference between our religion and the tradition. if you ll well informed about our religion you ll found that s the most respectfull for women, for mariage and any relationship betwin man and woman.

i am 30 years old man.i am akistani live in turkey istanbul want to marry with any girl.who give me real love

No one. Haha.

Hi tweet2009...<br />
I am in a situation not like yours but I am in doubt about marrying a muslim man. He did no cheated on me, but I´ve read many articles about Islam, Sharia etc..and I am very afraid of that. I am Brazilian, and our culture is so different, although he said to me, he would love to live here and stay here. I need some help too....

marry him, everything will be fine

Progression, that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard. "A muslim man isn't trained to cheat so it rather shows the huge lack of respect to the woman." OMG, how many muslim man do you know? Just like in your religion and in every religion or culture, people are different and same goes for muslim people. I know plenty of christian men who treat their women like crap and you are not saying christian men are bad, are you? When will the stereotyping end?

I take it you are in fact NOT married to him but still boyfriend and girlfriend? Well, it's not the religion, it's the people and their hearts. Religious differences should not break you up if you love one another. Dating others while dating, is common; if it bothers you, of course you have a right to discuss it, which you have, and hopefully you will each be honest and caring with one another in every thing. Islam is a beautiful religion (don't let anyone tell you different, especially the ignorant!) and there are commonalities between Islam and Christianity, which if you have not studied, you may wish to. You may be very positively surprised by learning, which will cost you nothing and enable you to make a better-informed decision. If you really care about one another, you might consider taking instruction in the basics of Islam and then making a decision from there. Wishing you both the very best!

I would not tell you not to marry him because he is a muslim, that doesn't have anything to do with it. <br />
Love has no boundaries. <br />
I would tell you not to marry him only because he cheated on you. But if you find it in your heart to forgive him and if you think that he is truly sorry for what he has done to you than you should do what your heart tells you to do. Don't let religion stop you from doing anything that you want to do.<br />
Good luck!

Don't do it! He cheated on you, but not only that....he wants you to change into something that you are not. I was in a similar situation...I'm glad I didn't get married.

i was a christian before and reverted to islam, i was not muslim but now i am, so it dosnt mean its something she is not, Allah is giving her the chance to convert and i think she should do it! it changed my life completely :)