Im New To This So Bear With Me

So where to start? i never thought id need this site. i set it up primarily beacause a friend told me about it and recommended i check her profile out. for the last 9 or so years ive been on anti depressants and have been told i have bipolar disorder among other things by various doctors psychiatrists and the like. but as is with any illness/disorder you get used to it and grow complacent believe stupid things such as "im fine now its all good" you forget how terrible you felt before how alone how frightened how desperate you felt. how drinking and drugs were more of a habitual thing to numb the pain rather than a fun recreational aid. you spend a long time like this, then one day you wake up and WHAM it hits you full force like a train and suddenly you feel desperate alone isolated hurt angry and defenseless all at the same time. Now unfortunately due to the extended periods of "normalcy" all your defence mechanisms coping mechanisms and general shield from the outside world have been turned off for quite some time and now they take a long time to warm up and get going it is i hope they switch up a gear soon im not sure how much longer i can take this.

verbalkint verbalkint
22-25, M
1 Response Sep 15, 2012

*cuddles* :(