I Can Never Catch A Break.

For some reason or another i have always been afraid at night time. When i was really small, i was afraid of the dark, i couldnt stand the dark, i was terrefied when i went close to it, because anything could be lurking there.

Then i saw this cartoon thing about rings that would get stuck to your hand and physically pull you along to a hole in a statue, pulling your hand in the hole, and then your hand would be chopped off, and furthermore, all the hands came alive at the end of the cartoon, i was terrified that severed hands would put one of those rings on my finger whilst i slept, and even after i no longer believed it, i still couldn't go to sleep without gripping onto something with both hands so they couldn't get the ring on. (laugh if you must, but i really think i was traumatised by that, i didn't stop the gripping thing for 10 years)

During the last years of that, and on to a year or two ago, I used to get nightmares, i would wake up in the middle of the night, with horrific images still in my head, of my family melting, of a dead-faced teacher with a crushed-in skull advancing on me whilst my mum watched dispassionately.

Now something even worse. I'm not afraid of the dark, or anything in the dark, and though i still get those dreams occasionally, they don't scare me any more, just leave me kind of tired and sad. Now i cant even get to sleep, during the day i can keep myself occupied, stop myself thinking about my life, but at night, there are no distractions, nothing to stop my mind wandering. Every bad thought i have been avoiding thinking about during the day, every fear, every sad memory, all hit me at once, with nothing to distract me from them, the only way i can get to sleep is to be too tired or too drunk to think at all. Even today, i am writing this after having failed to get to sleep yet another night, 3rd time this week. (2nd time i fell asleep on the sofa around 10am of pure exhaustion)
djpanda djpanda
18-21, M
2 Responses Aug 13, 2010


Solution proposed: Get yourself a ScareMeNot - Plush with a Purpose and that is to protect you from your fears. Http://www.scaremenot.com<br />
Hope this helps,<br />
Founder/President of Innovative Toys, Inc.<br />