Single, Gay, And Almost 47

All I ever wanted was to find my soul mate, to experience Love.  Nothing I have done has helped bring me any closer to the vision of finding the love of my life.  I am a 46 year old single gay white male, now permanently partially disabled with a bad back.  I have always been single and hate it.  I have met very few gay men who are relationship oriented in the first place.  Most have no intention of ever making a commitment or anything of that nature.  I am very spiritual and very unusual in many respects, but most definitely am separated from my peers by my values and view of the world.  Sometimes it is overwhelming, and I feel as though if being single for the rest of my life is going to be my destiny, then I am ready to go ahead and leave the planet now.  There is nothing else I care to see or do if I have to be alone without love.  What am I going to do?  One day I am afraid that this will finally overwhelm me and that I will decide to leave the planet.

daveys35 daveys35
46-50, M
2 Responses Feb 19, 2010

can we talk/??

Hi, I understand your feelings only too well. I am female, in my fifties and always single and, like you, have always hated it. Like you I also have health problems now, which is another obstacle when it comes to finding someone. It is so hard to be alone when you really do not want to be. Others say to be happy alone or they see us as independent and self sufficient, while the reality is one of overwhelming loneliness. I don't know if either of us will ever find what we are looking for, but I hope that we do. I feel that if I get to the end of my life without having been married, then my life will have been a waste of time on an emotional level. I hope you meet a nice man soon.