This Can't Be Right

I am pregnant , with my current partner while still in love with my previous partner. Hear me out before you judge.
I was with my previous partner for nearly 2 years, when he said he felt differently towards this relationship, my world stopped, my heart stopped, i couldn't breathe. I told him to leave . The day after i couldn't believe what happened, i asked him why , still, no clear answer. I left it. I cried for weeks and weeks untill one day i got an email from him saying he misses me , i took it as a friend, he just missed having me around and thought nothing of it, again, i was still pretty caught up in the whole situation. The day when he asked me if i would give him a second chance to try and make things work was the happiest moment of my life,two weeks later when he changed his mind was the second worse day of my life. We didn't talk again for two months, and he finally called me and wanted to talk to me, so he told me that he never stoped loving me and wanted another go, i, of course, said yes. We all know how this one turned out, again, he broke my heart again. Why did i keep runnning back to him? we havent spoken for 5 months, and within that time, i met an amazing guy, and in the back of my mind i have always think about my previous partner, it's like a wound that would not heal. I told my current partner about it and he is aware of how i am feeling now and he said he is willing to work through this and i just feel so horrible cause this can't be right. When i see someone that looks like my previous partner id freeze, and forget about where i am, who i am and run after him. Id call out his name instead of my current partners. I still feel a whole lot of pain and i can't get rid of it, it's been a year and a bit, i can't stop crying at night and just wonder what happened.
cannotheal cannotheal
1 Response May 11, 2012

Yes this must be difficult for you as we sometimes have no control over attraction and why we feel something for someone and the thoughts just wont let us be. You seem to have a nice man now and you're having a baby together. Once the baby is born it will transform you and you will have someone to love like never before. This man you are with sounds very decent so make him and your baby your family. There are so many people on this forum who suffer from being lonely but you will have the wonderful gift of a loving man and a family. Go on and make more children and surround yourself with their love and they will teach you as much about life as you teach them. Have a small place in your mind for your ex and visit that as you will but focus on the blessings you have and that someone cares for you. All the best.