Finally Found My Soulmate But He Isn't My Husband And I'm Not His Wife

After years of admitting to myself that my husband isn't my soulmate but it was OK because we had love, I've found him. I am passionately. unequivocably, deeply and unashamedly in love with a married man.

We both have kids, we both have families and separate circles of friends but we have this connection neither of us can break.

A few weeks back we tried to end it. My conscience was SCREAMING for release and I told him I was TOO in love with him for what we could offer each other. I cried a little - the first time I think I ever have in front of (but not over) him.  That was the Friday. I had an awful weekend, I was so miserable. Come the Monday morning he was waiting for me on my route to work. I got into his van and sat there. He looked at me and said "please don't do this...." We sat for 20 minutes talking. He said he had had moments over the weekend where he had to catch his breath the pain of losing "us" was so bad. He asked if we could just make do with the hand we had been dealt for now? Neither of us knows where it's all going to end up but we're so deeply connected, I'd bleed inwardly if we split up.

Where do our spouses come into this? My husband is too in love with himself, his social life and his 5-daily visits to the gym to have extra time for me and the kids. We haven't had sex in 20 months.  My lover's wife is suspicious of me but I don't truly know the ins and outs of their marriage other than she isn't "the woman who opened the door to him all those years ago" and he hasn't touched her since January.

I would do anything to make my lover happy. I adore him. I've told him this and made him cry. Maybe one day we'll be together.
LittleMissL LittleMissL
31-35
12 Responses Aug 6, 2010

You have to look at things at a distance. Step back a little. Soul mates don't always have to end up as life partners. Do not use the lack of affection of a current partner to partner up with your soul mates. Doing it for the wrong reasons. Soul mates are there not just for romantic reasons. They are there to support each other and help each other grow into a higher spiritual level. Sometimes, that is all they will be there for - for each other's growth. Know that the realities of life will come in when you do choose to partner up with a soul mate. What will you do when there are chores to do and the bills start piling up and those little quirks you used to ignore now are blatantly annoying you? Fix the relationship with your current partner first. Your soulmate will support because he will be out for your happiness. And the same should go for your support for him, too.
Soulmates don't always have to be together and don't have to end up together but they are there to help the other grow.

I'm in the same situation as you. I'm married and have 2 children, no sex for more than 15 months. He's divorced without children. I know he's my soulmate, I've seen him in my dreams 12 years ago. A paranormal had predicted this 10 yrs ago but never told me how it's going to end. We have spiritual connections. If he's ill, a day after I'll be ill too, and it's the same illness or pain as he has. He wants to marry me, but I'm thinking of my children's welfares. I don't know what to do.

My husband is exactly the same way. He is always talking about himself or working out, or how lazy I am, or how much better he is than everyone else. I was ok with that, because I didn't believe in soulmates. But early this year, another man came into my life and changed all of that. He is not married, and doesn't have kids, but he loves my kids like they're his own. That was the first thing that made me fall in love with him, and then I started to get to know him, and now I can't stop. I know he's not just trying to get in my pants, because we got drunk together one time, and I tried to make a move. I told him I liked him, and asked him if he felt the same. He said he did, but it just wouldn't be right with me being married. I can tell he's sad about it, by the way he talks, and smiles, and looks at me. Being around him makes me realize that my marriage is not ok. My husband and I disagree about EVERYTHING. He treats me like crap. After only 3 years, he's gotten so focused on himself that he doesn't hear me when I explain to him what I need, not even when I try to focus on his needs. I've tried to fix it, even before I met my soulmate. And I've tried to distance myself from my soulmate to focus on fixing my marriage, but it doesn't work. My husband stays the same, and my soulmate is always on my mind. I can't leave my husband because I have to finish school so I can get a job that will support me and my kids. Plus, if I left, I would be abandoning my step-daughter. She already lost one mom, it would devastate her to lose another (her birth mom walked out when she was little). I have nowhere to go, and I am a stay-at-home mom. I don't know what to do. I'm hoping maybe you resolved your situation and can help me with mine.

Looks like my soul mate and I have nothing in common. But I just melt away when his name or vision appears infront of me.
I feel totally empty.

I am a married woman with a small child who has not had sexual relations with my husband in almost a year, THIS is NOT my choice but his. He moved to the guest room, has no affection for me. I recently reconnected with the man I thought had gotten away when we were teens, and find that there is still a definite pull toward him after 20 years, it is not sexual, It is the love that I gave up on ever having. We never dated, we were just best friends. Now I know that WE are IN LOVE with each other, and I can't get out of my marriage. I want to be with the man I LOVE. there are other factors with my husband such as his alcohol and drug abuse. His refusal to seek help and the constant bills hanging over our head even though he makes enough money to cover them, he doesn't pay them. I long ago decided to seek a divorce, just waiting for him to give me ample grounds. Now MORE THAN EVER I am seeking the way out. I cannot live in this house with a stranger while my True Love has to wait for things to be settled. <br />
I know I sound like a whiny woman, but I have had it with the neglect and the lack of acknowledgement that I even exist. The drugs and alcohol have taken over and I cannot be with someone who doesn't care about themselves much less me.

It's sad to be in a situation where you can't be with the one you love. I think if you both love each other, and don't want to be married anymore, then you should divorce your spouses and move forward with each other.

"I find it insane to think that a person can only be in love with a single other person." Then don't get married. PERIOD.<br />
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As for this story, its heart breaking that so many people only bring up those points that helps them validate their own sets of thoughts and emotions. The man not having sex for 20 months sounds a bit far fetched but even if it was true how about a simple thing like......talking? Letting him know that if things don't change you will need to seek counseling and perhaps (hopefully not) a divorce. <br />
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I also have to comment about your lover. He will only tell you what he wants to tell you. He doesn't touch his wife? I find that hard to believe, she's not his soul mate? Also suspicious. As a guy, I personally think his "crying" to you is because he sees his little piece of rear-end about to leave. He wants his cake and eat it too. How do I know that? He doesn't leave his partner. You both do the cowardly thing and not just leaving your supposed mistake-of-a-marriage spouses. If its that bad and he loves you as much as you say he does, tell him tonight you are leaving your husband and tell him he can leave his wife. I bet you any amount of money that he will NOT do that. He's lying to you as much as you're lying to yourself. He loves his wife and lusts you.

"I find it insane to think that a person can only be in love with a single other person." Then don't get married. PERIOD.<br />
<br />
As for this story, its heart breaking that so many people only bring up those points that helps them validate their own sets of thoughts and emotions. The man not having sex for 20 months sounds a bit far fetched but even if it was true how about a simple thing like......talking? Letting him know that if things don't change you will need to seek counseling and perhaps (hopefully not) a divorce. <br />
<br />
I also have to comment about your lover. He will only tell you what he wants to tell you. He doesn't touch his wife? I find that hard to believe, she's not his soul mate? Also suspicious. As a guy, I personally think his "crying" to you is because he sees his little piece of rear-end about to leave. He wants his cake and eat it too. How do I know that? He doesn't leave his partner. You both do the cowardly thing and not just leaving your supposed mistake-of-a-marriage spouses. If its that bad and he loves you as much as you say he does, tell him tonight you are leaving your husband and tell him he can leave his wife. I bet you any amount of money that he will NOT do that. He's lying to you as much as you're lying to yourself. He loves his wife and lusts you.

Perhaps you can find a middle ground, I find it insane to think that a person can only be in love with a single other person. If it is discussed in a ration and caring manner everyone in these can voice their opinions and state their needs. <br />
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I know many find the thought of plural relationships as bad, but is it not better to have part of someone in your life than it is to lose them forever?<br />
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Start asking questions find out where everyone is and what they need the solution will be right there in front of you.<br />
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MOST important is get the truth out and in the open, secrets are unforgivable.

I am the man in the same situation. However both our marriages are doomed, we just cant find the backbone to end them. I know she's my soul mate and she know that I hers. I dont know where this road will take me

Hi Skylar, i read your story and I can totally relate. My husband has no idea though that I'm seeing someone else and if he ever did find out, as much as i love my boyfriend, I KNOW that I would choose my husband. Ironically, I'm very much IN love still with my husband...but I'm addicted to feeling desired and feeling sexy and turned on and giving pleasure too which is why i feel so selfish having the BEST Of BOTH worlds. My boyfriend is so turned on by me and I feel so incredibly sexy with him, the way I did with my husband when he used to crave me all the time. Problem is, I spoiled my husband and he never has to work for my attention or for sex with me because I give it to him very frequently, for my needs and for his as well. I'm happy for you, in a way, that you dont have to hide it from your husband, that he seems to be 'ok' with you dating around and especially seeing this one regularly now. My husband would never forgive me and not tolerate it at all. I know one day i will have to end it with my boyfriend, but like you, it has really evolved to become a very intimate and serious relationship.

I understand how you feel. I'm in love with a married man and he is deeply in love with me. I've known that it 'has to end' but here i am, nearly 6 months into it, and i can't really bring myself to end it. I understand that 'deep connection' you speak of and its uncanny to find someone else out there who understands me the way no one else ever has and desires the same things that I do. I, too, wonder how this story will unravel. Unlike you though, i come from a very happy marriage, ironically. I'm equally in love with my own husband who is deeply in love with me and spends time and energy making me aware of it. I have everything in my life to be happy and content...and yet, in spite of this, i have allowed someone else in to touch my heart and from it a love unexpected has grown.<br />
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I know my limits and it sounds like you do too. Its tough though, I completely understand...