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Loving a Married Man

I write this because I am in love with a married man.  He tells me his marriage has ended long ago, but they stay together for the sake of their child and their grandchild.

I say life is too short to stay in a relationship that is non fulfilling of needs and desires. He says he doesn't want to hurt me, but that has already happened.

When he touches me and those electrifying sensations fill me, I can't help but know I love him and I can't change his mind about ending an unhappy marriage.

I have become the other woman, although I am not thrilled with that idea, he brings the best out in me.

 

 

crazydreams crazydreams 46-50, F 54 Responses Mar 15, 2008

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The posts on here seem to be old, but I will give my 2 cents....THEY NEVER LEAVE THEIR WIVES....NEVER. You are nothing but "fun". And when you complain, after they tell you how much they love you...They're gone. TO the next victim. It comes down to this.....If you are with someone who is married, there is something missing in YOU.
Yes, I am one of the ones who have something missing... I was married, went through a painful divorce. Waited a long time before I went out there again, had a few dates, a realtionship for 3 years and he turned out to be a total coward. Totally devasted me. So along comes Married Man...He and the 20 (yes 20) year older wife were separated...no kids together. OMG....it was just what I needed. He was freakin wonderful. So, IDK, but just great. Made me feel like I was the best thing ever. He tells me how much he loves me, how I am his best friend,, blah blah blah.....5 months later, Guess what???? HE GOES BACK TO HER....They haven't had sex in 8 years. AND HE GOES BACK!!! He tells me, it's because of finances, health insurance, not wanting to hurt her at her age. (she's 72). And that same night he told me that he went back actually said I had 90% of his heart....(hello, that meant I had 905 of his ****)... Of course I fell for it. Of course, I truly felt we hadd this great connection.....Over the next few months, me being conflicted and guilty we had our fights, but he was always like "I'm just so glad we can talk about it" wouldn't let more than 3 hours go without texting me. Fast forward 1 1/2 years later...well he's not so into it anymore.....Decides that he's going to finally be honest. He's never going to leave her. He's going to take an early retirement, Move down south with her, and frankly, I should have known that. He loves me, but not like I think....His words. Actually said those words. This my friends was 1 hour after we had sex and he told me he loved me. Yes, he DOES LOVE his wife. I was FOR SEX ONLY. He being a guy, knows how to lay it on thick to damaged women. G*D I feel so stupid. I fell for everything he said....Hard. I know I deserve more. I deserve someone who will want me and only me. I told him I was done and he said He'd always think of me fondly.
That was all he said. The fact of the matter is, is that he DOES NOT LOVE ME AT ALL. Or maybe he loved me like he loves steak, or peanut butter and jelly. HE WAS A USER. I was only for the sex he wasn't getting at home. Nothing more. And I should have seen it. But I was damaged. I let myself believe it. I made excuses for all the times he let me down. He was a charmer....lol. Bottom line, he never would want to hurt her, but didn't think anything of hurting me. LOVE IS NOT WANTING TO HURT SOMEONE.
My ex was a cheat. But I stayed for far too long. Maybe I need more help than I realize. I don't know the difference between real love and users.

I think I saw it....But something in me...not wanting another guy to leave me...It's ME!!! I let him use me.

Stop letting guys use you. It only causes heartbreak. I have been on both ends, being cheated on, and being the other woman. THEY BOTH SUCK. But to think I might cause another woman pain, well, I think being the other woman is worse. I will never ever again do that to another sister. if the guy is going to cheat, well let him be an ******* on his own. Let him find someone who has no morals. Don't be the cause of another person's heartache. OR YOUR OWN...She's my mom's age. I would hate to think if that happened to her. (her marrying a man more than 20 years her Junior is another matter).

Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to hear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at workitcasting@gmail.com

Relax yourself blondie5432... You ever think for two seconds that your husband was the douche bag. But of course it's the blame of the other women why you husband was sticking his junk where it didnt belong right? Hate to break it to u but he was going to cheat on you if that other woman came along or not. And maybe if you we're being a better wife ( because as I can tell you sure like to ***** a lot) maybe he wouldn't have cheated on you.

You k now what this reminds me of....when my husband was having his affair when I told him I was done...didnt want anything to do with him anymore! I will never forget an email between him and his ow...where she is absolutely begging him to leave me for her..but he was unwilling to budge. Even though he had her on the side...and our marriage was over..he could bare to leave me.....crazydreams...trust me, the second she finds another man, she will dump your lover...then maybe you might be good enough for him ..when he has nothing else...or you could end up like my husbands ow...with a message from him , that she wouldnt even be the4 last place he goes to, he would rather sleep in an alley, then go to her!
Men dont want women who let them misbehave....men want to be good.....women like you, are usually second choice...if you end up with him.

If you end up with him..its because his wife, is done..and had enough!

Just reading this....if I was a man...I would use all you women sexually! Youre all so easy to give it away! Hell, kelkie said all she needs is a dozen roses and shes in the rack....lmao, the rest of you, fall for a line of bullshit.....hes with you, then he goes home to his wife and tries to make that work...then that doesnt work out and you marry him (totally teas life)...Then you have harrie51 dip ****..screwing around with a married man for 15 years...occassionally he comes and buys her lunch...which I would bet at that time he gets his annual BJ! Ray, I would guess your a serial cheater with some kind of **** addiction...GROSS!
Unreal!!! Why should any man marry today?
Women have become way too easy to please!
Society has lowered their standards....just by reading these posts...from Kelki, Harrie, Ray, Totally Tea...it just reminds me of what kind of trash America has become!
You are all sick! You cheat and lie, like you take out the trash every morning!
And the kicker is...YOU DEFEND YOUR ACTIONS!
I think you people are foolish. And maybe one day , when you stop thinking with your penis and your vaginas....you can look back and acknowledge how you had a worthless life!
And for you young women involved in affairs...wtf is wrong with you? Thats all I can say!

I am so relieved to find so many women in my situation who feel like me. I felt like such a freak before. I couldnt understand how I let myself get into this situation. I, too am in love with a married man. It is the first time I have ever been involved, sexually with one. Weused to work together and I developed this most incrediblyrare and intense immediate crush on him, before I knew he was married. I revealed my crush to someone who in turn informed me that this man was married and I was devastated, but in the process of accepting reality when another coworker informed me that he liked me too. We worked toegether for more than a year with me having these feelings before we ever became sexually involved and I am still astounded by how our intimacy and escalated my feelings for him. I am soooo in love with him. I think about him all the time. What I feel when I am with him, I have never felt with any one else and I am 31 yrs old, divorced with 3 children. I know, he will not leave his wife. he is not unhappy. He is honest with me which I also apreciate but I cant let go. He has told me that he loves me. I love him too. I am sooo jealous of his wife and I know he will never love me in the way that he loves her because we do not share a life together. We do not have children together ect. and it hurts sooo much. He tells me not to think about him, or miss him when he is not here. I know he cares about me on some level. He has told me I deserve better. But I only want him. Even if its just a piece of him. Its better than nothing. I feel pathetic. I know I am palying myself but I cant seem to stop myself. I practically live wfor the moments that we are together. My heart lights up when I see him, he practically takes my breathe away. Part of me wishes I never met him, the other part of me just wishes he wasn;t married...but HE IS. I NEED HELP!!! and that's how I found this site. Idont know how to get out of this. I know I need to, but don;t want to lose him.

Im sorry you find yourself in this position. Im sure being a single mom has lowered your standards. But, yu need to realize, you are the example for your children. Letting yourself be used by a man is not a good thing to let happen!

This man is a fool! He is a selfish coward and you owe it to his wife to tell her what hes doing.
]He needs to held accountable. You are allowing hiim to be a cheater and a coward because YOU dont hold him accountable...you are selfish too. You want what you can get from him...even f its seconds because youre self esteem and self worth is shot!

Men prey upon women in your situation. I will never forget listening to a newly transfered coworker...who stated he needed to find woman preferably divorced with a couple of kids so he can take advantage of her and get treated like a king.....so he wouldnt have to stay and sleep in our locker room because he was 200 miles away from home! When I read your post....I flashed right back to this jackass I used to work with saying this!

He likes the way your relationship is...he gets his blow job and whatever else you let him do....and then he goes home and loves his wife and family.

I just hope to god your children dont see this going on.....it would be a horrible loss of respect for you.
You need to focus on exactly what this guy is...a loser! A cheat a coward!
Trust me when I tell you, his wife wil find out...and when she does, you will be the biggest mistake in the world and you will be hated by him! He4 will slander your name at work...and you will be looked down upon and talked about.
Even if you suceed into a marriage with this guy...anyone who knows your history...willl snicker. A love foundation based on decieit , lies and causing another pain..will never suceed. It will never be what God intended it to be.
You will have life long issues....

What you need to do is, step us and demand better for yourself. Not an occassional romp. Once you realize you deserve better, you will be strong and end it.
Letting a man misbehave...does not send the right message to hiim....it tells him, you accept a lying cheating cowardly bastard!

Lets see how good it is when youre his wife.

I've been there at least 3 times during different periods in my life. I thought that each time I could handle the emotional roller coaster and each time I proved otherwise. The first time I was 17 and he was 27. It lasted 4 yrs. Despite the excitement and the feeling I was truely in love I was depressed and unhappy most of the time. I was there for his needs. His need to feel like a man . He was unemployed addicted to MJ and when I look back on it no woman single in his age range would give him the time of day. I was his little trophy. When he became employed I wasn't a hot item. when I was 35 It wasn't a very good year. He told me he was in love with me and suggested we live together. He left his wife we got a place together and all was beautiful for a few months until I realized how controlling he was. I was so needy that I overlooked it. Later he began knit picking all the time. He eventually went back to his wife. when I look back on it He was actually trying to set himself up to end the affair. I was so hurt and devastated it took me 2 yrs to recover. He tried to rekindle the dead romance and I declned. When I was 52 I thought I could handle an affair with a married man but this time my eyes were wide open. The only probblem was I was so lonely . It wasn't long when I sensed he was Don Juan and that he was fooling with my feelings. This time I retaliated and cut up all of his clothes his shoes his shirts and his underwear and I felt great! I still wonder why he didn't retaliate. Now I have finally learned. Being involed with a married man is not good for me and defenitley not safe for him

We met 4 years ago, I fell for him instantly. I'm married too, but my marriage has been dead for years. We were more off than on for 2 years, he was guilt ridden so he ended it many times, but always came back, and I let him.

He finally called it off 2 years ago, then 5 months ago, I heard from him out of the blue. He missed me. This man is my kryptonite. I ran back to him like a pathetic puppy dog.

He loves me and I love him, but I'm wanting more. I know he'll never leave her, my brain and my sensibilities tell me that. But he owns my heart, and I'm beginning to realize the pain of knowing he will never belong to me. This 5 months has been joyful and I've been living a dream, but the ultimate bond he has with his wife is really starting to sink into my pea brain.

I have never felt lonlier. My own marriage is in shambles, and the man I love will never be mine. The quiet desperation I feel leaves me feeling like I have no way out, there is no road to happiness for me. The thought of going on without him is unbearable, I can't end it with him, I'm not strong enough. I've been having thoughts I shouldn't have, in my moments of quiet desperation. I feel like there is no happiness for me here, and that if I left his life, he'd be forced to concentrate on his marriage.

I thank everyone for this forum....

I am also deeply in love with a married man and going through a divorce myself. Our relationship was amazing and we made plans for the future. When his wife would tell him she wanted to move on he would turn to me. This all changed when she found a message from me over a month ago. He has kept in touch with me; tells me he still feels the same. That even though he has gotten "publicly flogged" over this he still talks to me every morning on his way to work; worries about me every night and fears that he will talk about me on his sleep. This has all taken a toll on him; he is easily irritated, gets upset and told me that he just wants to enjoy the time we talk; that he doesn't want to talk about anything heavy. He told me he would call me this weekend, but never did and I didn't hear from him today either. He has off from work this week so he could easily have called. It is the first time he told me he would be in touch but hasn't. The last time I spoke with him everything was fine so I don't understand what is going on. Tomorrow is his wedding anniversary and the thought breaks my heart. I do utterly depressed and I don't know what to do. He still says that he has moved on with his heart but needs to get everything else straightened out. What do I do?

To all you ladies, yes, I have been there. We broke it off about 5 years ago, after 5 years of being together. But to this day, I still hear from him and how much he wants the "good times" back. And yes, there were good times. But to him, good times means something different.<br />
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So ladies, I jsut want to share with you what I've discovered after a lot of soul searching and study of people.<br />
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What you have now are "good times"...you have support, what is or feels like love, sex, excitement. He has an adoring you to dote over him, all his physical needs fulfilled, someone to convince him he's the greatest guy in the world, someone who will do for him what he says his spouse will not do.<br />
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Beware the "my wife doesn't sleep with me/isn't intimate with me" ploy. Of course it could be true, as in my case it was. But I later found out why....that through a string of mistresses all through the births of their children and their growing up, she had learned not to trust him and to protect herself, shyed away. But she still loved him. And she cooked, cleaned, and put on a good front for him so he wouldn't be embarrassed in the community. It didn't matter that she was embarrassed constantly.<br />
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What you don't have is day in, day out, committed love. He will leave you, go home and pretend to care about his family. He will go to church or synagogue and be a real influence there, if that's his cup of tea. Or maybe he will go golfing on Sunday morning with the guys, and they will share all their escapades with each other...you will be very lucky if they don't know all about you and laugh as they are cheering him on. You don't have someone to wake up with who will smile about your rumpled appearance and love the way you look slightly groggy from sleep. You don't have someone who will be there when you need someone. You don't have someone who wants to give you the normal life you crave....there will be no growing old together, and what he calls intimacy is sex. There is no real intimacy with a man who does not share day in, day out, humdrum, normal life with you....normal life is what breeds intimacy. Sneaking around breeds excitement and fear of being caught.<br />
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Five years after we broke up, I found a man who wanted a woman to love completely. We are now married and our life has not been without its own problems as we juggle work, economy, health issues, adult children who like to play mom against dad and step mom and vice versa. But we work through things together. We talk, we laugh, we play and we grow deeper in love as true intimacy develops from a shared existance. And I'm still excited to go home from work and see him.<br />
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You can have normal and have excitement, and glamour, and fun. But you can also choose to stay with this married man and have fun, glamour and not a hint of real intimacy, and it won't be all that much fun after awhile.<br />
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Please ladies, get out while the getting is good. You think you pull it off, but someone knows and where someone knows, you run the risk of everyone knowing. Your children will suffer. Your home will suffer. Your family will suffer. YOu will suffer. Its hard to leave, but for you AND for him, its the most loving thing you can do.

I Started sleeping with my former boss a year ago and we fell in love, although neither of us never said it out loud, I guess in order not to make things worse (as if they could be worse). He's not going to leave his wife because they have a good relationship, they get along well, and yes he loves her, and they have two children and lots of friends- the perfect life. He's always honest with me and tells me he has absolutely no reason to leave his family, and of course I've never asked him to. I am amazed at the fact that I have zero hope about him getting a divorce and still I can't end it.<br />
I have turned from an energetic 23 year old girl to a sad, tired "old" woman. I am in terrible pain most of the time, and I hide it from him so that he won't get worried about me and leave me. He cares about me and wants me to be happy, but still he can't let me go because he love me. <br />
He says he's sure one day I'll meet someone and manage to leave him, but I'm really not sure. He manages his life as usual even though he's in love with me. His wife doesn't suspect a thing, I guess he somehow manages to act absolutely normally. <br />
The other day, he told me our relationship is like terminal cancer- it has to end someday and there's no other scenario. But, even dying people have the urge to survive and a tiny hope that maybe a miracle would happen- and that's me. <br />
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I don't think he understand how much I love him. I think he thinks I'm able to date other guys, and he even told me to do so for my own sake. <br />
And me, I don't understand alot of things. I don't understand how i'm so devastated and can't go about my life as usual, and he manages to. I don't understand I manage to hide my devsatation from him all the time. I don't understand how I manage to be in so much pain all the time and still do nothing to change the situation. I don't understand how he loves me and still says that this will end one day. I don't understand how I'm willing to settle for this. But most of all, I don't understand how it's possible to solve this situation without me breaking down completely. I'm scared of myself. I cry at the mere NOTION of living without him. <br />
and I am jealous, so jealous of his wife that gets to go to sleep with him and spend time with him and have fun with all their friends. even if he cheats on her- at least she doesn't know, because every thought about him being with another woman (and yes I realize she wat there before me) crushes me. <br />
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I settle for eating the crumbles that fall off the cake I love so much. I do that because I love him. I'm scared of the future because I think that this kind of love and connection is a once in a lifetime experience. I don't know how I'll get out of this.

I can empathise with many ladies here. Someone asked me why I ended up in the most painful suituation in life. It is true that when we are still emotionally tied to that person, we are unable to even give other interested guys a chance, although we are prepared to let go of him. I am in this situation now whereby I am angry with him and had ignored him for a long time, but he still texts me. Everytime this happens I feel upset again and it is as if I had just seen him yesterday as if he is still near me. How to continue my life like this. At times I feel like I am going crazy with the harassment. If he love me he should do something and not keep me in suspense and torturing me emotionally like this!

I am in love to a married man. Like the previous comment'er' he never promised me anything either. He is married to his wife for 7 years, the do not have any children.. He told me the marriage had gone cold. I fell in love with him because he makes me laugh, he takes care of me, we have the same interests and we get along very well.. He's not a playboy or anything, I can see that he is just in the state of crisis right now.. Now he has decided to leave me.. It's so funny how I have anticipated that this would end, and in such anticipation I thought I would never be hurt that much. But I am so devastated right now. It is so hard to be in the state where you cannot say anything because you don't want him to get confused even more. I wanted him to be happy..

I found this story by googling key words that relate to me. I love a married man. He has never made any promises that he is going to leave his wife. I have never asked him to either. He has two young children. I know you wrote this many years ago. Just wanted to see how you are doing now?

I too am in this situation...He is married,has 2 kids,and also never promised me anything...I am also married,but have not had any emotional support or intimacy with my husband for quite a few years. My husband has not told me he loves me in I don't know how long..also has not held my hand or hugged me in ages...I met my MM on line and we have texted and talked on the phone...also sent pictures to each other..He is younger than me and I feel like an old fool for carrying on like this...They say no fool like an old fool...

I totally understand!<br />
I have loved before but not this way.<br />
Nothing has yet happened. He inspires me makes me laugh and we seem to be very similar, same sense of humor, have fans of opposite sex, etc.

Im in love with married man but every day it hurts me that he goes home to her he tells me hes gonna leave and be with me he says dont give up on me but what do i do

I was in a relationship too with a married man. I did not plan on it. I have been married 14 yrs before i met him but very lonely and detached from my husband. We had great conversations and all. He said he was divorced so things just developed and i felt renewed and inspired until i fell for him and really loved him but 6 months down the line he just ignored me and stopped calling this went on for a month. I tried texting ir calling he blocked my calls. I was distraught, for those six months I practically gave him everything. I researched and finally found out he was married too. I don't know what happened but I called him using a different number then he answered.. I said I know everything we need to talk. He agreed I asked him how he could do that to me. I was honest and sincere, he said i was too nice he didnt want to hurt me and couldnt think of any other way that's why he did that. I just couldn't believe he lied but I loved him so much that I just wanted him to say he was sorry and we continued our relationship. I really felt he loved me and he showed it. He spent weekdays with me because he worked in long beach and on the weekends he would go home to his family. He's a cop, that was the arrangement with his wife so he didn't have to drive back and forth from Oceanside, CA. It worked fine because we were able to spend time together. It seemed like I was his wife though she didn't know anything about me. We did things together and when he's home he calls and textes me all the time. I was even able to talk to his mother and father, I really felt special and he really loved me. We've been able to go out of town on weekends but not often. Until just after we celebrated our second year anniversary last month. Everything was perfect we both called off work since we both work graveyards we spent the whole night together and he gave me flowers and a card that was very beautiful letting me know how much he loved me. Then we called his parents again to let them know we were planning to take them to Vegas on his mom's birthday in July. A week later he seemed off and mad. He said he's tired of pleasing and answering to everyone. I tried to calm him but it didnt seem to work, our last conversation was we were supposed to have breakfast but he never showed up. Ignored all my calls and textes. He just disappeared and up to now I still don't know what happened...I haven't heard from him for two weeks now. I'm lost and very hurt and still waiting.... Please try not to fall for a married man. It's true that no matter how much they show or say they love you. It has no bearing at all. They will stick with their wife and kids at the end. When pressure and guilt sets in you will be the first that they will drop and life goes on with them. You will be left feeling used and all. HELP ME I NEED ANSWERS....

I can understand you feeling used and hurt because I had been there. In my opinion, this guy seems to be that kind that runs away from problems. Remember they can be stressed out trying to maintain both their marriage and their relationship with you. It is better to have a realistic expectation from them as their first priority will always be their children and his family, (if they are the responsible type). Be prepared to feel neglected sometimes, when they cannot talk to you and need to spend time with their family. Yes this is what you have to live with if you are in this situation. Feeling of depression and jealousy will be with us always. I too need answers.

I too love a married guy. We have been seeing each other daily for the past two years. He has no intention of leaving his wife and kids and I'm happy with that. It started as a one off and he was truthful from the start. I'm a jealous type of guy - yes - I'm gay and I wouldn't cope anyone looking him up in a bar or pub or vice versa. If he "came out" it wouldn't work simply because he would be off with other guys. Ive tried to end it but I can't. We don't go anywhere together and he's not reliably but love the bones of him and I'm totally faithful to him.

I am in love with my colleague with even know that he was married. When I found out that he was married, I love him even more. He told me to trust him. I am guilty really coz I know how it feels when there is another aside from you. I hate my self that until now, I love him and accept the whole of him.. What a selfish life!

OK here is my story I met my fiance in highschool we dated when he was 18 and i was 17 i left him because of stupid reasons we lost contact for 20 yrs well come to find out he had kept the ring he bought me 20 yrs ago it is now on my finger. yes he is married to a woman who uses him as a bank and chef and whatever else she can think of. He is miserable i can see it in his eyes. and hear it in his voices when we talk, he has a 15 yr old boy who i know would want him to be happy but he wont divorce till she either makes him leave or until he knows his son is ok so basically when nhe turns 18 i love him always have since i left him 20 yrs ago he has always been my soulmate the reason no relationship ever worked out. but here i am now gave up everything to move home where he is and he still is with her. the newest excuse is her mom has dementia and he dont want his son to blame him if he leaves and something happens.. i am sorry but in my mind i know its bullshit but my heart says no its not grrrr ive only ever loved him and says im the only thing that kept him form ending his life so if thats true then why not just divorce move in and let s be happy.. oh and he even got on one knee to ask me to marry him i have never been with a man who is married before and this isnt like me but it is like my heart is forcing me to keep on with him till he does what he needs to do. what do i say to him to make him see once and for all he has to choose. any ideas..

I've been involved with a married man for a few years now. It is the most emotionally draining situation you can possibly be in. You loose so much. First of all, you never come first. You cheat yourself out of so many things like a normal dating life. There's no going to the movies or out to dinner. You're lonely everyday, not to mention holidays. When you're emotionally tied, it's hard to see past that person. So, you never give anyone else a chance (cheating yourself). I know he 'll never leave and part of me doesn't want him to. So, why am I holding on. I think about how his wife must feel and how selfish I am for pursuing him in the first place. This situation isn't benefiting either one of us. In the beginning things felt so good. Now there's nothing but pain. I love him sooo much, but sometimes you have to love someone enough to know when to let go. LADIES, WE HAVE TO LOVE OURSELVES ENOUGH TO LET GO!!!!!!

Your story caught my eye with the emotionally draining part. I just came out of an abusive alcoholic marriage and this guy came along on a white horse to rescue me. I thought it was innocent until he made a pass at me and I fell instantly. It's like my heart was restarted after the pain of my failed marriage. It is so painful though. We have been together 1 year and we see each other whenever he feels like it. He does call everyday but talks about whatever he wants to. I too love him so much but am now in more pain then pleasure in this screwed up relationship. I am just not at a place where I am strong enough to tell him to go away. WHY DO WE LET OURSELVES BE ABUSED LIKE THIS?

My situation comes down to my heart and body wanting vs my head knowing to the core that he'll never leave his wife & kids. In the remote possibility he would move in and move on, my head tells me to beware he'll repeat history. I'm not stupid, merely conflicted and dislike pain. I also acknowledge that doing nothing about it (staying in the relationship) is allowing me to maintain the shroud of victim hood from my child hood and its sexual abuse past. At some point, I need to gain the courage to change the things I can (me) rather than accept things the way they are. In the mean time, I am living one day at a time, loving him in the moments we have together. Although its fantasy with no hope of any traditionally accepted relationship.

we have the same road we have experienced,.,but i think my problem was much more difficult than your's,.,yes im really inlove with married man not only that im also married and have a kid,.,at first i ignore him,.,because my head i think that time was clear and no problem at all,.,but after 3 years,.,we met again,.,and have my number,.,i gave it to him with no hesitation,.,at first he text me,.,but im not replyin,.,because im busy of thnking of what should i do with my problem,.,then this man still hoping and texting me again and again,.,about a month,.,then i replied,.,then he ask me me if i want to go out,.,then i said to myself why not for that i will forgot my problem a little bit,.,then as time goes by,.,while dating with him again and again,.,i fell to him,.,untill now im inlove with him,.,my head keep on saying that i have to leave him coz of both family we have,.,but my heart still shouting DONT,.,haaaaaaa,.,i really don't know now how to go out with this situation,.,,.,

I was in love with a married man for over 4 years. We had a hot and cold relationship for the first 2 years and things got slightly better after that. We were both attached. We knew we had eyes on each other however we had never express our feelings. We were both attached when we met. Until after 4 years after, I had to get married to the man that i was already with for 10 years. I told him about the news, he gave me 2 choices to leave him immediately or 2 months before we ended the chapter. I asked him why is he giving me 2 choices. He then answered, he wanted me to move on and recover before the wedding day. We talked about the whole relationship of 4 years. He said he had reasons why he was hot and cold with me. He didnt want us to fall deeply in love with each other coz it will lead us into trouble. I knew that he will never leave his wife therefore I took the decision to enter married life. Finally, i decided on the 2nd choice which was giving myself 2to still be with him. He agreed, i wouldnt deny that he was much much better with me for that 2 months. He gave in most of the time. At first, I thought that he didnt mean his words. As if he can do this to him wife, why not me? I didnt take it seriously and still thought that we would be in contact even after I got married. The day which I told him I was getting married was in September and I have planned my wedding in February. Therefore, he said that we will close the book in December. And so 30 November came, he still replied to my text as per normal. The day where I felt really lost was on 1st Dec when he dissapeared. I text, call and even look up for him at his work place. He chose to go missing. He didnt parked his bike at his usual spot, making me feel that he didnt want me to know where he was. I am grateful to him that he is doing this for me, however he didnt free me and did not let me go willingly as he went off silently without any goodbyes. From the day i met him, i knew that there is this special bonding in us. We somehow had a very strong spiritual connection together. After he left me, I still managed to keep up with this life. People will eventually talked about him, I will just keep quiet but noted on how well he was doing. Until recently, i had found out that he was convicted in jail for drug consumption. I did my research why did he do it. His friends said that they didnt know wat got into him since December ( the month he left me) They told me he was more isolated. My instinct told me it was about me, but he had never said he loved me. I leave it to fate, i always believe " whats meant to be, its meant to be". I wouldnt deny I can never forget him. Although he was married, somehow I grew with him. He taught me a lot, and i became the person I am today. If I had a chance, I would want to see him again, hug him and say a bid thank you to him. I owe my life to him!

I am in love with a married man. When we met they were separated only a short time, but he has two small boys and they were having a difficult time with daddy not being home. He is a very devoted father (one is slightly crippled) and will always put their needs ahead of his own, so he moved back home. We have discussed just walking away from this afair several heartwrenching times, but it only ends up being hours of tears and pain at the thought of not seeing each other. Do you know what it is to see a grown man cry so hard that he can't see straight and beg for you to hold on or a piece of him will die? The relief of deciding to hold on to each other is much better than trying to walk away. He loves her for the fact that she is the kids mother, but no other reason. He loves me and I know it, see it, feel it, hear it, read it, everyday. He wants a life with me, but needs to be there until the boys are old enough to understand and be somewhat self sufficiant. I have kids and I understand his love of them. He clings tightly to them as he had a daughter that died in his arms and therefore the boys are his world. He asked me to talk to my mother about what she thinks. My mother said anything good in life takes time to develope. She said that everything happens in the bl<x>ink of an eye. In the bl<x>ink of an eye I was a teen, then another bl<x>ink I had my kids, an now my kids have kids. She is right. She also said that most people don't get to have what we do, or find a true love and if I let that go, then god help me because I may never find it again. So for now, I have a man that I love and loves me back and I have a life of independence and doing what I want, when I want, until we share our life together. Be that when the boys are older or until he can't take anymore of her crap. We follow our hearts and that is no easy task, but be smart about it. Weigh the pros and cons, examine the entire situation and what is realistic or makes sense. If there are no kids, reasons for him to stay, but yet he does.....then get out. A friend once said to love a married man means a big investment in masscare......what are you willing to invest? I know I have felt better and more loved with him part time then with any other man long term........She even found out about us, read our emails, knows he loves me, saw the pics of us together, attacked him, the whole nine, and he still chooses to continue for a future together. I love him and when I'm down and it gets hard he will ask me to let him be strong for both of us.....and I do and we get through it.

I am 28 year old and in a relationship with a married man who is 5 years elder to me from past 11 years. It started wen I was very young just out of school n I met this guy who got married few months b4 meeting me. We started as friends n soon turned into lovers n then soul mates. He wasn't having any kids that time. I came from a family where parents were fighting most of the time n was in need for smone love me. He gave me so much love n I too love him so much. For initial years i was also very understanding, we used to meet for 2-3 a month. Even I used to have no bad feelings for his wife to whom I met. Been to his home too for staying 2-3 days. That time he didn't promise me anything but yes we get physical too. N one day he told me that he got kids twin. And he told me this 4 months after the kids born. He cried n said it just happened.. He didnt want... While sleeping with her he was drunk n though it's me.. How he didn't want to loose me. He can't live without me.<br />
But what I do for all this time wen she was expecting n after the kids born his love for me was not change. Though he lied to me as he used to say that he will have kids only wen I will get a job. But that was wen we were not so deeply involved. And now he was married with kids.<br />
Still I couldn't leave him. Then I got a job n shifted to his town. Now we start meeting almost everyday at my house. Spending lots of time together. And then I start wanting more n more. Start fighting. He used to tell me that after kids he never slept with his wife it's been almost 8 years now. Is it possible that he wasn't doing it????? With all this loving, fighting, crying... One thing was that it was hard very hard to leave him. He even promise me that he's going to choose me.. Leave her but wat bout kids? Asked me not to have kids of my own with him if we get together for ever. Even his dad has 2 wives. Few months back after my constant pressure he must have said something at his home. Then it just started his wife calling me, threatening him. Her parents are influential people. They helped to get my Mr. m his job, helped him in so many legal-illegal things where he's been stuck without any fault of his. So now the wife wants him to pay back. As she always knew bout our relation but was not doing much from past 10 years. He cried a lot a lot . As he was thinking that he is helpless . Can't do anything. She is not going to leave him. even his family, friends, all are on the wife's side. <br />
After so much of stress n high voltage drama. I finally thought to finish it of. He also came said sorry to me n left forever.<br />
I was all broken, crying whole day n night. Prying to God to bring him back. Thought of killing myself but not a good idea. He was also not well. And after 4 days of no contact today he came to my house. Just hugged him so tight again we both cried n he told me that we love each other n he can't see me sad.I don't know what should I do?? <br />
I can't live without him it was never bout anything else but love. I feel like without him I might go mad. What should I do.<br />
P. S. My post is long but It's not even 1% of my 11 years story .

Seriously, a married man will NEVER leave his wife. I know this all too well to be fact. They will tell you everything you want to hear and offer you the world, but leaving the wife will never be an option for them. Sadly to say, any woman who puts herself in the position of seeing a married man is only setting herself up for the biggest heartache she will ever encounter in her lifetime. It's better to end the relationship before the heartache happens.

I had a very similar situation. But I have always heard that it is cheaper to keep her than to divorce her.<br />
Although my Mr. Unhappy was very unhappy and unfullfilled with his wife, and continued to tell me how happy I made him he was not leaving his unhappy sexless situation. I am so glad we were never intimate. I guess I don't understand how a man will trade or buy another car when their current car is not functioning, but are very insecure in matters of the heart.Needless to say and as much as it hurts, I can not be the second person and textedd him that I will no longer communicate with him. It has been almost a week and there is no communication and it hurts. But I think it would hurt me more if I stayed in the three some situation because I would be the only person getting hurt.

I share the same experience. I have made many fight to stop the relationship....he jsut can't bear to go on without me and eventually he made me feel so. I turn back again last week after seeing him being sick because of me not contacting him for one whole week! It is been 3 years, beautiful beginning and we just clicked without realising it is LOVE!