Worst Memory Of My Life That Will Not Measure Up To Grandmother.. I Wish You Were Here :(

My grandmother was one of the many strongest women in my life that I knew and loved so dearly.
She died of cancer and I watched her die in a hospital bed at her own house that I was living in as well and I lived there months after her death and finally moved and sold the house. If she were here today I believe things would be in better lighting.

I remember everything that had happened that day

I was sitting in the basement sulking at every minuet I waited for her passing I knew that day she was because she was so pale, weak, and so very tired I feel like she had suffered by sitting there watching as everyone that loved her gathering together to be there for her as her memory of everyone was slipping away.

I tried speaking to her as she lie restlessly in bed and held her delicate hand. She was so skinny from loss of appetite you could see the contours of her cheek bones. Everytime she looked at me and I asked if she remembered who I was she would shake her head and tell me no. Do you realize how hard it is to hear that from someone that has taken care of you that loved you so dearly that now they have no ******* clue who you are?

I remember kissing her hand lightly and telling her to rest. I left in a hurry down to the dark basement to have no one see me cry. I hate when people see me cry. I came back a few minuets later and my mom had her head on my grandmothers stomach weeping and I realized she had past and I saw my family ripping her away from my grandmother her own mother and watched the EMT's taking the bed away.

I did not move one bit I stood there watching my family and myself crumble to pieces. I dropped to the floor and on my knees and began crying and hitting the floor and try to breathe because I was hyperventilating and so lost of words that all I wished was to bring her back to this life but I guess she had finally lived her last breath of loving and caring for the family that appreciated everything she had done for them

I was 10 years old when this happened and it was the most traumatic thing that has happened to me and as I write this tears are hitting the keyboard because this memory haunts my dreams when I sleep. I can never sleep well because of this and the dreams get so vivid that I am practically reliving it over and over again.
23gorillaz 23gorillaz 18-21, F Sep 3, 2012

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