Faulty Programming...

I just read an interesting fact that makes a heck of a lot of sense to me: whatever your life experience from age 2-6 (the period when we are most impressionable) sets the tone for our beliefs, how we see the world, and how we 'do' our lives.
I'm making a big effort these last days and weeks of 2012 to break some old patterns that haven't served me very well and have robbed me of my happiness and satisfaction with life. It can be quite easy for me to sit here at this computer and convince myself that I'm a lost cause, that I'll never measure up, that I'm not good enough, that I'm not worthy or entitled to much of anything in life. From the ages of 2-6 I was more often than not seeking validation and guidance from my mother in particular. There were no comforts or re-assurances forthcoming from my mom, and precious few from my dad because he was a workaholic and rarely home. I was always doing things in an effort to try to please my mom, but she was either too drunk or too out of it to notice very much, so my efforts were always futile.
I had a hard-core case of faulty programming. And looking around I see a lot of other people who also got short-changed in the love department as a child. But when I am spiritually awake, I don't judge people for it anymore than I judge myself; more I have learned to develop a great sense of compassion for others who haven't dared to look at their foibles bravely enough to want to change some of their own suffocating behaviors. If we want to be free -if we want to really move through our days with inner peace and inner purpose- we have no choice.
Now that I've identified the source of my shackling, I have to make a concerted effort to tell myself that I am a child of God, that I have as much right to a fulfilling and satisfied life as anyone. I can claim my wholeness and know that I am worthy of great love AND I am capable of offering it to the world, contrary to how I was programmed that it didn't matter and was futile. Love is the most potent and transformative force in the universe, and on a hidden level within me I know this is a spiritual truth that before now I've never made myself privy to.
Yeah, it's true, I didn't receive much love when I was a child. I can't change that. No sense carrying around the bitter baggage that robs me of the ability to know the rock I stand on, instead of sinking in the quicksand of an unforgiven past. What I CAN change is how I see myself, and understand with every cell of my being that all true love begins within my own being, not in a narcissistic way, but in a profoundly spiritual way. There is a spark that lies within each one of us that simply needs to be acknowledged and nurtured and tended to to become the flame that illuminates this world. From this place of self love, anything is possible.
I am not through with my transformation, and I hope by sharing this you might recognize in some way that you aren't through with yours, either. There are some astoundingly wonderful days ahead of us...
VTMarkus VTMarkus
46-50, M
4 Responses Nov 28, 2012

I learned about HUMAN nature and development in circa 2004 and I came to love it!

You are not alone, there are many who are successful.
The memories and conditioning will always be there but
a counselor told me that tha brain can be trained to forget bad memories and over good memories. the more we train our brain by feeding it with good thoughts the more we are positive and productive despite the past experiences in our lives.
This is moving.
thanks for sharing.

I agree that lots of people, probably most people, did not have text book childhoods, me included. I really enjoy your writing, thanks.

Hey, have you heard of bruce lipton..if you havent check em out on youtube...he talks about that idea of re-programing the subconcious.

Hey MrRager22-
I've heard of him, but never really checked him out. Just did a quick search and couldn't find the specific video you mention. can you help? Thanks for the referral-

There are two vids I really like..he does an interiew with concious tv called 'the power of conciousness' and another with two guys who have a show called 'cutting edge conciousness' ..id recommend all their vids s all relative.Enjoy.