Is Loneliness Enforced Solitude?

When I think about this line which I read somewhere, I question about the emotions and feelings which I go through when it came to my marital status.

I never thought that I would be the one who would join the single girl club.

I've always thought that while I was in relationships that I would ultimately be the one who would have a stable relationship with a man who would be with me the way that I would want to be with him.

How wrong was I?

Let's not think about the fact that I've been single and completely dateless since November 2005. Let's not talk about the fact that I not that ugly and not completely devoid of personality or IQ. Let's not discuss the fact that I am gainfully employed and read good books while listening to good music. And let's not go into details about the multitudes of friends that I have surrounding me.

Then Why? Why do I feel this loneliness that I can't seem to explain?

I've read all the books, met some clarivoyants, bought some crystals, drank at clubs, up to the season wardrobe, got my post-graduate, did my hair, volunteered for charity, am kind to animals, travelled the world, get long with my mom, cried at the movies, laughed at Seinfeld, filed my nails, baked some brownies,etc etc.

But here I am on a Saturday night, opening my heart to the keyboard.

Believe me, I love my solitude as much as the next person and yes, I can't stand the stereotypical girl who moans about being alone and Spinster-ish for the rest of her life. I am terrified of being that but I am equally terrified of bridal magazines and adverts of wedding bands. Why am I lonely when I have so many friends? Why am I hungry when my family is loving? Why do I feel poor when my present is filled with so many things? Is having a mate so important that I am affected by it?

Or am I lacking in something else? Is there really such a thing as Another Half? What if I realise that I haven't even been half to begin with since I've never felt Whole?

I'm scared. I'm scared of becoming what I don't want to be most.

So tell me, Is Loneliness Enforced Solitude?

brightonion brightonion
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 31, 2007

'I would ultimately be the one who would have a stable relationship with a man'.<br />
Is this in relation to some one else, like, you'd be the one instead of them, or is it that you would like to have a relationship like they do. Look at what they do, maybe it works. I wish you the best.

sorry if my comment was all screwed up...this stupid touchpad sucks. I wanted to say that I understand. I am alone too, and if I didn't have my friends and family, it might bother me too. People are hard creatures.