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Time For Round Two..

When I was 16 i was pretty badly depressed.. that was 2 years ago.. I knew something was wrong with me about 3 or 4 months ago.. ya see i'm in the middle of a negative circle.. school and home. I don't blame anybody though, it's out of our control.
Today was an intense day at school. After 20 days off school for the holidays I returned not looking foward to it at all.. I had an intense conselling session and I even broke down in tears for the first time in so long.. the tears didn't last long but they were there.. My counsellor has helped me realise that Christmas triggers off alot of bad things for me.. (death of my grandmother, sexual abuse..) Anyway he believes I can make it through this again.
I always have one teacher I know I can rely on, he's my favourite teacher. I went to his classroom for our usual chat and ended up opening up to him. He is a better motivational speaker than I thought. After that convo I feel like he is the one person I can go to if i'm having a bad day and just need a hug.
This time the depression is different. I have my good days and my bad days. It just happens that lately I have more bad days than good but i'm trying. I havn't seen my friends in months because i've isolated myself, not necessarily on purpose. I don't talk as much as I used to but I make jokes at school so people won't notice that i'm depressed. I'm the class clown ya see..
I feel frustrated because I went through this before so I know it's going to be a bumpy road..
Let's just hope that eventually I have more good days than bad..
Thanks for reading :)
Belle x
deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 10, 2011

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Your story sounds a lot like mine... I went through a very deep depression when I was 16 I sluffed classes didnt care about anything really. I got out though, I am still probably clinically depressed but I work it out through understanding myself more and also helping people who are so overwhelmed with the pain of depression they are just done.... every person has their limit, how much depression will hurt them. Some people really get kind of comfortable in their depressions. This offends a lot of people. To think they chose it is outright slander. This is the case though, depression is just a chemicle in our bodys this chemicle is temporary and is triggered over and over again by the way we view ourselves, the world and how we think the world views us. We can either say enough is enough or we can say it is out of our controll. Depression is not easy to change. It took me almost 10 years to get to the point where I understood the way to approach to avoid triggering the emotion. Now I have found the secret that will guarentee I will never be at the mercy of this emotion again.... I have found that it has absolutely no power after all. I could talk forever about this but sadly it would possibly bore you to death so I will leave it to you if you want more info... the rabbit hole goes deep and it is much like in the matrix when neo takes the red pill.... the world is very different from what we were told... it is up to us to exercise our freedoms to take that viewpoint back.

I'm happy to be there for ya, Belle. Sorry you're going through a rough stretch. <br /><br />
Keep relying on people who give you comfort, and try to avoid isolating yourself too much. We all get a little weird if we're completely alone with our thoughts, in my opinion. <br /><br />
You've got a big heart and a sweet outlook on life. Nurture that and find your peace. <br /><br />
With much love, your friend J