I Never Want To Love Again

As hard as it is for me to relive what happened, I feel it would be best to get it off my chest. I moved to Chesapeake, VA in 2005 from Waukegan, IL. I was 19 years old and ready for whatever life threw at me, or so I thought. I had to find a job so I applied at a Petsmart up the street from where I lived. It wasn't a career move, just a way for me to make some money to have fun with. About a year passed and I found myself to be real popular with almost everyone who worked with me. Or at least all the people close to my age. I showed up one day to pick up my paycheck, an saw a couple of my friends gathered in the back of the store. I decided to hang around for a while and say what's up. As I walked up to them I saw one of my good friends named Taylor and realized a very attractive girl who I never saw before, speaking to him. The next day I found out she was a representative for one of the dog/cat food brands we sold. I had to smile at this new revelation, because it meant that she would be in the store a couple times a week to pitch her brand. I also found out that Taylor liked her but was extremely akward or just shy when it came to approaching women. That day I made the worst decision of my young life. I told Taylor I would find out more about her and let her know that he liked her. Even though she would end up tearing my heart out, I won't mention her name. Let's call her a green-eyed temptress. So there I was approaching this green-eyed temptress with only good intentions for my friend, and yet I couldn't deny how gorgeous she was. As we spoke I mentioned that Taylor has a little crush on her. To keep the story moving let's just say that the two of us were flirtng and Taylor kind of fell off to the wayside. So here I was with one less friend (Taylor), but with a new girlfriend. Months went by and we spoke on the phone and texted all the time. We went to the movies a couple times and hung out alot during work. One day she told me someone dear to her had passed away and that she was going to leave too Texas. I had no choice but to understand and asked when she would be back. She wasn't sure. A couple months went by and we were still talking on the phone. I ended up moving back too Illinois. A few more months go by and she returned too Virginia. We talked and she says I should come down and see her. So I bought a ticket too fly down there. She told me that she would pick me up from the airport when I arrived. Damn was I excited. I get to the airport in VA, and call her phone. She doesn't pick up. I try a couple more times, still no answer. So I take a taxi too a hotel and end up spending a week alone and everytime I called her, she wouldn't pick up. I end up going back home confused and hurt. A month goes by and I get a hold of her on myspace. She says that she was sorry but doesn't give any real excuse. I'm in love so I forgive her. We continue with our long distance relationship and she stands me up a few more times. Changing her phone number everytime and not giving me any reason. Yet everytime I forgive her because I'm in love with her. After a little more then two years of us being off and on, I move too southern Illinois with my best friend at the time. Miss green eyes and I had been "on" at this point for about six months. We spoke of how she should move in with me and my friend and his girlfriend. On the night she was supposed to come and be with me, she chose not to get on the plane. I couldve predicted her next move, yup she changed her number again. A little more time goes by, and like the lovestruck fool I was, I contacted her again through myspace. Only now I find out she is pregnant, but not with the father, I don't choose to go into detail about why. So here I am resuming my long distance relationship with the now pregnant miss green eyes, and it's deeper then ever. She tells me she wants to marry me. As scared as I am about fathering a child that isn't my own, I eventually agree to do it. We keep our long distance relationship going all the way through the pregnancy and i continue to stay faithful which was easy, after all I was positive that this was my future wife. So we plan for her to come up here and get our life started. Needless to say, yea she did it again. Changed her phone number and never said anything to me. Finally, I realize I need to try one last time or at least get closure. I contacted her again, this time through Facebook. She gives me her new number. The next night I texted her and asked if she still cared. She says that she loves me, BUT isn't in love with me anymore. I try to sleep and as soon as I wake up I call her just to talk and I find out that she changed her number again. I end up going on Facebook, and on her profile, she changes her status from single to in a relationship. After everything she put me through for over two years, she couldn't even tell me she found someone else. At that point, I realized what true pain was and knew that I would never love again. Its been more then a year since that happened. I haven't found my heart since. I appologize for the length of my story, but I feel the details were necessary so that if anyone was to read it all, they would get some sense of the pain I still feel.