I Blame Hiim

Ok about year ago I was going through this hypomanic type of thing. But I've been stable lately Which means I'm not interested in meeting new people. My boyfriend emailed me the link to meet up. I still get emails. I've joined some groups but just decline meetings because I just don't want to go. Why? because I don't want to deal with strangers, first impressions, and I'm tired of people. Most of the time I want to be alone. Most people I meet I don't have much in common with. I already had a year of meeting new people. I don't like people really. Only time I wish I had friends is when I was bored but then I found something interesting and I easily blew off social events. I will choose doing something quiet over a rock concert. Never been to a concert. Too much money and noise. I don't need to see people very often. In fact after I go to an event  I need 2 days to recuperate. AHH stimulation!
Right now I don't want to deal with abrupt changes that social event bring on. When you make new friends all these new thins come up. I don't want to deal with those right now. Also people distract me from learning which is my favorite. 
One thing I hate more then anything is money problems. I hate not being able to learn because I don't have enough money. Library is free but it doesn't have everything I want to learn.
Anyways back to Meet Ups. I did go to one meeting but I went to location but didn't attempt to find anyone in the group. Instead I did the activity on my own. I walked on the beach at night.  I was feeling depressed and especially unfriendly that day. 
I feel bad though. My boyfriend showed me site to help me, and I'm just not making much of an effort. I hope he doesn't get mad at me when I tell him I don't want to have friends anymore. Last time I wanted to bail on a group he got mad at me. More because I wasn't keeping my commitment. I don't think it's a commitment. I don't even know these people.
I'll keep my profile there because maybe in a year or so I'll get in the friend making mood.

I'm tired excuse the grammar, spelling mistakes.
NotApplicable NotApplicable
22-25, F
May 19, 2012