I Wonder If He Even Knows What His Truth Is!

My husband (what else would I be "bitchin'" about?!  LOL!) has an issue with lying, I have shared some blog entries and stories about that already.  What I guess I wanted to share in this story is that I am not sure that I have ever gotten the truth from him - the truth for him, at the time, MAYBE, but I think that what is at the heart of MY frustration is I never know how he truly feels - about me, about his life, about our lives - any of it!

Oh, sure, he tells me he is feeling this way and that, and I listen and, for many, many years, believed and trusted that was how he felt, BUT I have come to realize, slowly but surely, that what he is telling me today, may change tomorrow or next week or next month or even a year from now.  And even more frustratingly, he will deny EVER saying something totally different in a previous conversation.  How is someone supposed to build a life and trust and a relationship on that?

So,what I have done, many times, is go by how he ACTS - and then, I have a hard time believing many of the things he says to me about how he feels about me, what he wants and how he views our relationship!  He SAYS he loves me and likes me and wants us to have a good, open, intimate relationship - the actions I have shared on here and the ones I see each day do not equate with that.  From how he acts, I believe he does NOT like me at all - that I am NOT his "cup-of-tea" so-to-speak!  And, I think, if he were totally honest with himself, he would realize that he would be, well, I was going to say happier, but I am not sure he has figured out what makes him happy yet - if our marriage were to end...  

Anyway, I could go on and on - but I have said it all before and I am tired of beating this dead horse (called my marriage, because that is what it is - dead!)!

I think until HE knows what he wants and what makes HIM happy - until HE knows himself, he won't ever be able to tell me the TRUTH about us and our relationship, etc...
DorothyofOz DorothyofOz
41-45, F
7 Responses Jul 20, 2010

LB - I knew you would understand (I've missed talking to you - hoping you are faring better than me!)! <br />
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"He seems to be acting like he OUGHT to love you, and he probably feels duty bound to love you, be intimate etc etc yet his actions are crying out the opposite."<br />
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You see, THAT is what I have been saying to HIM - you keep saying I love you - you keep saying I want to save our marriage - but your actions to not reflect that! THAT is what is driving me crazy (and I have to find a way - like you said - to not let it!) - just admit it already - you don't want to be married to me - you don't love me - BUT you don't want to be alone or "lose" your children. When divorce has come up and he says he wants to stay married, those are the reasons he lists for why he doesn't want to be divorced - NOTHING about me or anything. Well, he says that is because I am "unlikable." (He corrected that when I brought it up (calmly) the other night - he said that he doesn't really think that! whatever!)<br />
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"I hope you can find a way to stop letting HIS actions getting to you and dragging you down and hurting you..."<br />
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THAT is a great way of putting it - and that is exactly what I need to stop doing - I mean, I know I am done being married to him (it is just a matter of being able to get out of this - financially!) - so why do I need to waste so much time working through issues that are never going to be resolved and are related to our marriage. ALL that matters now is that we can figure out a way to work together in a positive way FOR the children! THAT is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing! (I have to keep saying that to myself!!)<br />
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Thanks for the comment - it helped and I like the way you phrased things!!! I should probably get off of the computer too - I mean, this is ALL I do all day, right?! (So why are there fresh clothes in the drawers and no dishes in the sink and the washer already going with a new load of clothes PLUS my bed is made and I have made breakfasts, lunches for two children AND gone to a teacher conference at school?! AND it is only 9:20am!)

It sounds like he is in denial, as mine was for many years (mind you mine NEVER EVER told me he loved me!lol) He seems to be acting like he OUGHT to love you, and he probably feels duty bound to love you, be intimate etc etc yet his actions are crying out the opposite. I hope you can find a way to stop letting HIS actions getting to you and dragging you down and hurting you.....gosh easier said than done I KNOW!lol<br />
Stay strong, Dorothy and one day you will surely find the happiness that you deserve.((hugs))<br />
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Right~ now I must tear myself away from the PC before I get caught! ;-)

There have to be some good ones out there some where -- it couldn't be THIS bad for everyone - otherwise the murder and suicide rate would be MUCH higher, I would think! LOL!<br />
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It is funny the you would comment tonight - I am so irritated with him right now, that I have been shaking in frustration! I did avoid getting into a "fight" with him BUT, he is in bed sleeping away - I am up - working, frustrating, my back is killing me AND worried that he is going to get "mad" at me for being on the computer! ugh!

My heart goes out to you....men are confusing a**holes 90% of the time.

Yikes. I absolutely understand this. Mine is the same. Such a wall there, and no trust. So many lies over the years, over the stupidest things. And I can't believe anything he says. His actions don't mesh with his words. And the worst thing you can do to me? Lie. <br />
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*sigh*<br />
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Sorry you're here too. : (

I know the feeling.

D., I so sympathize with you....and almost every single thing you say, applies to my relationship, too....<br />
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((DoO))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))<br />
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xoxoxo