Sad and Empty

jts been 4 months sins my dear husband past away and i miss him so much is anybody out there feeling the same

sunnflower sunnflower
46-50
6 Responses Feb 20, 2009

If someone out there is or has been in a similar situation please do write and I will encourage my friend to get in touch.....<br />
You are all in my prayers....I hope that the iceburg of grief melts for you all and you all find peace and hope and move on to the next chapter in your lives...

I am writing this for my friend...I will say I but it is her I am writing for..<br />
I am 48 and it is almost 4 months since my husband of 30 years passed away...I have no children and no close family at all..He had lung cancer and then it spread to the brain...He went quickly..<br />
Our friends seem distant and are not there for me...My nieghbours look away..Is that an English thing...Is it that they dont know what to say so they say nothing or what to do so they do nothing..<br />
I wake up each day and it gets harder..<br />
I want him back..<br />
I thought with the brighter days and the onset of spring it might get easier..It doesnt..I like to garden but the garden is empty without him..<br />
I cry all the time..I lay awake on the couch and dont sleep..just drift off intermittantly..<br />
He was older than me..69 when he passed...I gave up work to be with him the last couple of years<br />
I dont drive...I dont mix easily and am not very outgoing..<br />
I saw my doctor who said this is normal grief..nothing to be done..<br />
I feel like giving up,,I dont want to go on without him..<br />
There are no groups for young widows like me..<br />
I dont have a computer...Never needed ond..(Hence my friend is writing this)<br />
How will I ever get over this or learn to live with it?<br />
Will life ever be worth living again?<br />
I do go to couselling but even that I have to rely on others to drive me there to the hospital where he died..<br />
My husband was a life and soul character..an organiser..in the middle of everything...gone..<br />
Where do I even start..<br />
(Tell me how to help her...I knew my friend 30 years ago and I married husbands friend..we met again at the funeral..I live about an hour away...I do what I can...I try to understand..but how can i..my husband is still here!)<br />
All comments suggestions and stories very very welcome...

thanks*

I was widowed at 19, 2 years ago. Only just starting to let myself heal hank to EP. I feel your pain

I was also widowed at 52 - I just turned 56 and still need him more with every second. He was my everything. People constantly say "You need to move on" or "You need to find someone else, you are so young" or "You know your Husband would want you to be happy", etc. etc. etc. And they always say "How are you?" which just about kills me every single time, because I honestly don't know how I am or who I am anymore. I thought I knew what life was all about, but when the doctor deliberately killed my Husband of 36 years, he totally destroyed my life and our beautiful daughters and my Husband's son's lives too. Maybe we're not suppose to let go, like everyone says. Please read the book "Never Say Goodbye" by Patrick Mathews and here is a beautiful Poem that I hope will be read at my Brother-in-laws Funeral this coming Monday...........<br />
<br />
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me<br />
<br />
<br />
When tomorrow starts without me,<br />
and I'm not there to see,<br />
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,<br />
all filled with tears for me,<br />
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,<br />
the way you did today,<br />
while thinking of the many things,<br />
we didn't get to say.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know how much you love me,<br />
as much as I love you,<br />
and each time that you think of me,<br />
I know you'll miss me too,<br />
But when tomorrow starts without me,<br />
please try to understand,<br />
that an angel came and called my name,<br />
and took me by the hand,<br />
and said my place was ready,<br />
in Heaven far above,<br />
and that I'd have to leave behind,<br />
all those I dearly love.<br />
<br />
<br />
I thought of all the yesterdays, <br />
the good ones and the bad,<br />
I thought of all the love we shared,<br />
and all the fun we had.<br />
<br />
<br />
If I could re-live yesterday,<br />
just even for awhile,<br />
I'd say goodbuy and kiss you<br />
and maybe see you smile.<br />
<br />
<br />
But then I fully realized,<br />
that this could never be,<br />
for emptiness and memories,<br />
would take the place of me.<br />
<br />
<br />
And when I thought of worldly things,<br />
I might miss come tomorrow,<br />
I thought of you, and when I did,<br />
my heart was filled with sorrow.<br />
<br />
<br />
But when I walked through Heaven's gates,<br />
I felt so much at home.<br />
When God looked down and smiled at me,<br />
from his great golden throne,<br />
He said, "This is eternity,<br />
and all I've promised you".<br />
<br />
<br />
Today for life on earth is past,<br />
but here it starts anew.<br />
I promise no tomorrow,<br />
but today will always last,<br />
and since each day's the same day,<br />
there's no longing for the past.<br />
<br />
<br />
But you have been so faithful,<br />
so trusting and so true.<br />
Though there were times you did some things,<br />
you knew you shouldn't do.<br />
But you have been forgiven<br />
and now at last you're free.<br />
So won't you take my hand<br />
and share my life with me?<br />
<br />
<br />
So when tomorrow starts without me,<br />
don't think we're far apart,<br />
for every time you think of me,<br />
I'm right here, in your heart.<br />
<br />
God Bless You Always, please write if you want to talk.

I was widowed at 42 - I just turned 53 and I still miss him. He was the love of my life. I know he would want me to move on and find more love after so much time, but I haven't. I still compare any potentials to him, and they don't measure up. Guess I haven't let go.