Heartbroken

It was exatly a week ago when we broke up. Three years of a relationship turned into a dust. Into nothingness. It all started with us fighting a lot in our first year. I am a very insecure person and jealouse. I have had only one boyfriend before him and he was with me for one month. Then I found out from friends in college that he cheated on me. All of the bagage from the previous relationship came with me into this new one. We really loved each other (or at least I think we did...I don't know anymore). We used to break up for maybe a 10 min-15 and then get back together but it was very stressful.

In summer of us being together for almost 2 and a half years he said he cannot handle it anymore and he was determined to break up with me. I of course tried to convince him otherwise. Promised that everything will change and it will be better. We got back together but it broke me. He would be very rude and kind of rough with me. I later on found out from he that he cheated on me with another guy!!! Another guy! He told me because I persisted to know. He told me that he was molested when he was a kid and that he wanted to know if he feels anything towards men. I couldn't believe him but he was swearing. I decided to forgive him for several reasons one of which was because I loved him, I was depended on him extremely!! (we would not be without each other even for a minute which is why it surprised me because I didn't think he could do it) and because I was scared to be alone and my grades suffer because of the whole stress. But I was very mad at him. I would put him down sometimes but I changed too. He admitted it himself. After 3 -4 months he got tired of it and again the same breaking up thing started and me convincing him not to. I moved out of his room and went to my sister's room to give him more space. Everything after this went smoothly. He told me and my sisters that he feels like I am "the one." His future wife. It was weird when he would say it because I felt like I didn't want it but didn't want to give him up at the same time (I don't understand that feeling).
When I came back from summer I found out that he had several cyber sex. It was disgusting this time though he was not patient. He told me to either accept it or leave. And again I was scared. No one knew about anything not a living person. Everyone thought that we are happy couple. Then he got in fight with my sister. The relationship with me and him continued. It was good at times and bad. It varied. Then one day he told me he wants to have his college experience. He never had that and he wants to be able to do it. Plus he is not able to be committed in a relationship because he wants freedom. I tried my everything to stop him but he was determined. I was devastated but I let him go. Just today i found out that he probably cheated on me with some other girls. One of my friends told another one and she told me. I feel worse then ever. I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. I thought I can trust him. I cried to him and pleaded for him not to cheat on me because it happened with the guy before him. He swore he won't and he did. I am lost. I am confused and I defenetly need help. PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!! Also I forgot to add that today I saw him with the ex I was with for one month and apparently now they are "best friends." It hurt me so much (because he knew the other one cheated on me and I told him how much he hurt me but he is now friends with him anyways) that I cried for almost 4 hours. I am so extremely disappointed by him but by life in general. I am completely broken
bjjg bjjg
22-25, F
Jan 10, 2013