Because it was the poison of choice before. Because it was the way some people chose to live to survive the pain and torture. Because it is contagious and I caught it.

Because I just don't care anymore.

I never expected failure so I was surprised when it happened. Failure wasn't an option. I thought it was foolproof and it would all work out. Everything would be fine in the morning and all challenges, obstacles, and issues would be overcome with the right attitude. I didn't know what to do when all our best laid plans were forgotten and left to the wayside.

I don't want to hate. I feel like I'm starting to hate. I just wanted love. Now I am apathetic. I can't stay this way...but right now...I just don't care...countdown to the worst day of this month in a few minutes...less than two minutes now...a few seconds...and...Happy Birthday.

Update: I was in a rotten mood when I wrote this at midnight last night. Things weren't turning out how they were supposed to in my life and I was too exhausted to cope. I know I needed to but at that point, I didn't care. I was tired of being a ray of sunshine that always bursts through clouds. I guess I felt weak. But something my mom said made sense, "It's your birthday. You don't have to give it in to anyone else or wait for anything. One day out of the year, you can take it and enjoy it." Well...that's very true.

Sooo I made some super mario shaped cookies and ate a whole bunch. They tasted like butter cream cookies...and guess what...they were one up mushrooms and stars. So I could get extra lives and invincibility! : D

Tekkamaki Tekkamaki
14 Responses Feb 21, 2009

not weird at all kinda cute...your hubby is a lucky man LOL

I know. It's weird. But so am I... o_o

i just read the update that put a smile on my face LOL

I think some people hate the way others see them which makes them see themselves poorly and self hate. Or we hate the things we do or have done so we abuse ourselves instead of bettering...which is about just as rotten as letting someone else do the dirty job of making you feel bad about yourself. I don't know if that makes any sense...it did to me when when I wrote it...bfefwlkfshsd...sdjsdjl...<br />
<br />
Getting past that...boy when I get in moods I get in moods. It could be the hormones talking but I was in my dark place like Stewart from Mad TV.

i wish i could get passed my self hatred you are a truly strong and beautiful person

Sun rising reminds me of over easy eggs...with sausage and biscuits. Breakfast for dinner sounds good!<br><br />
Thanks...I shall snorgle you all...<br><br />
I stopped hating on myself when I kicked the abuse out of my life years ago. Since then I've never felt self hatred is ever a good thing to feel...even when I'm sitting here brooding in my own stink of moodiness. <br><br />
I was just waiting for someone to talk to me last night and was let down when it happened...I thought it would happen and be great but instead it was sad and had a bad turnout. : (

that would be a good song "the sun must rise tomorrow" i'm going to do some research to see if its been used or not

Happy Birthday.. you have a whole new year with many exciting possibilities ahead. Make the most of each moment :)

Aww...I've missed your huggles! : D

Happy Birthday honey.<br />
I huggles you...

Thanks...I actually would like a birthday card. I've always loved birthdays. I was planning on making cute cupcakes and going some place epic that I've never been before...it would have been wonderful...<br />
<br />
: (

Aw Tekk. :-( I hope you can find some peace and comfort my friend. And I am wishing you a happy birthday. *hugs*

does this mean sending you the birthday card was a bad idea? of course it does everything i do lately is wrong......well happy birthday anyway

Happy Birthday, Tekkamaki...:P