I Just Don't Know..

I don't know any other way to start this off except to just start from the very beginning. Here goes.

Today, my father had the day off from work. My brother and I were going to go to Queens with our aunt but there was a change of plans. While my father was at a doctor's appointment, I decided to tell my brother about the texts I had gotten from my father a few weeks ago. The ones that proved he was cheating on my mother. Instead of just blurting it out, I walked into the living room and read the texts. I told my brother I wasn't planning on telling anyone but I couldn't keep it in anymore. I was already crying by the 4th word. We talked about it for a while and tried to figure out what to do. For a second, I was so happy to just get everything off my chest. But after a while, when he already left and my father was already home, I received a text telling me he was going to tell my mother. My heart sank to my stomach. Later on, my brother came into my room with my mother on speakerphone. She was telling us she'd already had been thinking he was cheating and that we just proved it. That was all I'd heard from her. Then my sister in law had spoken to my brother who'd spoken to my mother told me that my mother was going to confront him about it today. The plan is she's going to confront him and it sucks cus it all comes back to me. I'm the one who opened my mouth. Everythong about this situation comes back to me.

Now here's the thing. I've been home alone with my father all day and I am so upset with him but I feel bad for him. I don't know why. I know he will be embarrassed to even face me and I just feel horrible. I know my mother deserves to know but all day today I've just been feeling like maybe I should have kept my mouth closed. I'm so angry, and crushed, and hurt, and furious and nervous. I don't know what to do. I know I've got my brother and sister in law and friends to talk to but right now I just feel so alone. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I regret saying before I didn't want my father in my life anymore. Well I sort of regret it. Today just being in the house with him had me thinking. Tody is one of the slowest days ever. I want to wake up tomorrow and this be over already. Behind me. But I have no idea what's to come.

My mother is home and she's been in and out the house. I don't know if she confronted him outside or something. No one's came into my room to say anything. I kinda wish I just had the power to dissappear from a place. It doesn't even have to be for long. Just 10 minutes to get some type of clearing. Might sound dumb but hey, it's my thoughts.

Don't know what's going to happen. I don't think I even want to know what's going to happen. I think I'll just hide hear in my room. Away from the world.

MsSammiiJo MsSammiiJo
18-21, F
Feb 16, 2010