Missing Signs Or Going The Right Direction

my boyfriend proposed to be on jul 20th, i was excited, happy, n all that but in the pit of my stomach was doubt and i still have that doubt. when we first started dating we both cheated on each other, he cheated while on tdy with 2 girls and i cheated with my exboyfriend. i believe everything happens for a reason, as they should be, and that we are given signs to which way we should go and help us with our decisions. im doubting my decisions now...did i not see the signs? i think maybe i ignored them because otherwise he is wonderful. it was like an instant family with him and my kids and i think maybe we moved to fast. sometimes i think maybe i put my kids into our relationship to fast and he is trying to help us or something like a pity case. i cant but feel this way because i am not like any girls he has dated in fact im the exact opposite of what he likes and he doesnt look at me the way that my ex husband looked at me when we first got married like i was the only person in the world for him. i feel loved but sometimes i dont know if its because he feels obligated to us now or what. he has a history of dating girls that have a lot of issues and he tries to make everything better, fix their lives...he told me that himself which only made me feel worse. i have low self esteem since my exhusband cheated and divorced me right after i had our baby, our 2nd girl and it has never been the same. i know my boyfriend cares about me but i dont know if its love love. he tells me constantly hes going to make my life happy and make everything better, is this him trying to fix my life? or is it love? my kids love him, i love him but i doubt where his love comes from. pity or heart? i want to believe it true and i tell myself every day that it is but when i think about it honestly, i doubt it. he is going tdy again soon and i dont trust him not to cheat again which i know is a bad sign and we're not even married. he drinks and anything goes with him and i know he will drink so i dont know what will happen and i know i will never know because he wont tell me. when i cheated i told him that day...he told me a week later that he had cheated the month before so i know if he did anything he would never confess. i love him but im so unsure about everything that i dont know if i want to get married now and i already said yes...wedding date is feb 5th. my cousin use to tell me im so screwed up i should just be an old cat lady...maybe she was right. i cant do anything right.
PerfectlyBroken PerfectlyBroken
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 31, 2010

Girl, I believe your thinking to much and over re-acting to a lot of stuff around you. You children have to be first to take care of, not who cheat on who and why he fixes things. I do not believe you have a handle on takin care of children without help and your bf is offering, take it. The good part is that you wont' be cheating on him, and he will always be worried about doing that too, and lose you.