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What Is Faith to a Bipolar Person

Right now its praying God keep me for beating up my family cause i'm tired of they sh@t i'm tried of getting walk on and i say something i never have the right words to win the battle i'll start to stand up for myself they shot me down i want to get out away form my family everytime i pray to leave i see i have to stay why i'm even being a good mother to my child he should be in school but hes not i never ever have the words to stop my family form walking all over me i want to be closer to God so bad it hurts my heart when i can't get anything right it hurts more not knowing which side of me is right and that to be right to the world means meds why can't God just answer one of my prayers just one i don't want bipolar can i be free i want to stop second guessing every moment of my life can i have the words to fight my enemys my family can my mind stop wondering God i don't need money i don't need to move yet i need my mind God all i want is my mind i been asking for years but yet nothing i'm stuck in my mind and my doubts and i cant get free i pray for freedom but nothing since i was 16 i prayed for it nothing if anything I'm worst than what i was i don't need nothing else just freedom of the mind so its been 11 years nothing why Should i have faith and keep praying for what another 11 years of hoping i'm better or meds for the rest of my life i hate pills why am i even here

janiceisdayna janiceisdayna 31-35, F Apr 15, 2008

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