This Is the Feeling I've Been Waiting My Whole Life to Feel

I just met the most amazing woman in the world.  We had the most phenomenal connection and spent every day together for the last week and then I had to leave the country.  My friend said "that's not love!"...but I know it was.  I didn't tell her that I had fallen in love with her but I told her how I felt and I scared her.  She is the most phenomenal yet the most emotionally unavailable person I have ever met.  All the cliches that I never believed in...I feel them inside myself now.  I feel that I want to be with her, even if it hurts me.  If I had heard someone say this to me a few months ago, I would've rolled my eyes, at least internally and imagined that the person I was dealing with was codependent and unstable.  I've never been described as either of these things, however, so who knows.  This is just the most overwhelming sensation.  When I told her how I felt and my feelings weren't reciprocated, it was literally the absolute worst feeling I have ever felt.  It was as if I were coming off of drugs -- so unnaturally, physically and emotionally painful that only a foreign substance could be responsible.  Yet, I also feel the other cliche:  it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.  I might feel like this again or I'll feel just as strongly in a different way about someone else.  But, just having this feeling makes me feel alive.  I treasure that. 
av789 av789
26-30, F
2 Responses May 1, 2007

Thank you AlwaysRemembers...I definitely appreciate your thoughts and not invalidating my feelings. I agree, love should not hurt. I suppose I am just distinguishing between someone who hurts you intentionally or because they are just naturally unkind and someone who is hurting so much themselves that some of their issues become yours. The person I fell hard for treats me amazingly well and is always sweet and sensitive...but she has also been through so much that she has commitment issues. If it was intentional pain, this wouldn't be up for discussion because I don't fall in love with people who hurt me on purpose - what's there to love about that type of person? But when you feel like someone that you find amazing has been hurt so much that it might affect your potential relationship, you're more willing to take a risk in the hopes that you can both get what you want. I'm not insinuating that your advice doesn't still apply but I did want to clarify =). Thanks!

Don't ever let someone tell you your feelings weren't love, only you know how you feel. The only thing that sort of upset me about what you wrote, was that you would go back to her even if it hurt. LOVE should not HURT. Yes even in a loving relationship there are difficult times and ppl can hurt each other, Lord we are all human, but IF to love someone means to be in pain all the time then imo (and Oprah's) lol, then that truly isn't love, as LOVE does not HURT. Hang in there!!