I Still Love Him

I dated Nicholas for five months and fell incredibly hard for him.  We were partying one night and I was extremely drunk and apparently told him that I loved him.  But he didn't say anything back.  Christmas Eve, we were partying again and when we were alone he asked me if he could do something that no guy has probably ever done to me.  I was so drunk that I didn't comprehend what he was asking.  So I ignored the request.  A little bit later he said "I think I do love you,".  Then a few minutes later (it felt like a few minutes but could have been longer) he asked again if he could do it.  I said yes.  Not because he said that he thought he loved me, but because I would do anything to make him happy.  Well, after that night, he told me he loved me one more time.  So I thought that he had just said that because he thought that it would get me to let him do whatever he wanted.  I never actually thought he loved me.  We broke up because we quit our job and went back to where we came from (Iowa and Florida) and I still haven't gotten over him.  I still love him.  So I sent him a message via myspace telling him that basically, I was sure he had already moved on from me, but that I hadn't moved on from him and would very much like to.  I also told him that I wouldn't be able to move on until he told me that there was no hope for us in the future.  Instead of him telling me what I expected (that he had moved on, and that he was sorry he didn't feel the same way about me, and that I did need to move on), he told me that he never thought it would be anything to just leave me, but that it did hurt him.  He told me that he hadn't moved on.  And then he told me that when he said he loved me, he actually meant it, he wasn't just trying to use me.  He said that he misses me and that maybe what was could one day be again.  He ended his message with "love you no matter what, nick". 

I still love him.  I will always love him no matter who I end up with.  right now, I'm just waiting for him to realize that he needs me as much as I need him.  But I've decided not to put my life on hold in the process.

loveyouforever1309 loveyouforever1309
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 10, 2009

I miss my ex so much. It has only been a week and I just can't sleep or eat and I want to wait for that phone call which may come today or never. We were so great together . I to am not trying to put my life on hold due to the fact that asked him to think about us working things out. I just don't think I can wait for such a call whether good or bad.