I Know Just Havent Got There Yet

16 years ive been with my partner Billy, hav 4 children together and 1 each to our ex partners.
Alcohol has been a main part of our lives as its a revolving alcoholic thing in our family. I hav fought thru the years to try get him to see me and the kids as his family and not the alcohol days on end drinking with his sisters, mother, and other relatives.. ive been stuck in a blackhe and couldnt find my way out.
last year he got on the **** for 3days didnt hear frm him until I had found out he attacked sum1 by tring to sleep with them... my heart was so broken all the crying i just wanted to kill him. Any way I decided to pack the kids up and went to stay with my brother and while I was there I went to Destiny church.. unbelievable sense of spirit lifted all my pain healed my baby as she had a kidney and heart problem.. I found salvation no more sorrow and i was on my 3rd month of not drinking alcohol... I had changed for the better till I started txtn with Billy, because I had salvation I had to forgive Billy for what he did and i fell back inlove.
Today im not at church Back to drinking stil with him and miserable as mostly drained and tired and hes at his sisters been drinking the last 4days. God forgive me for I have sinned help me to get back to where I was before felt loved from the holy spirit and happy. Amen
wairoa wairoa
36-40, F
Dec 16, 2012