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My Fiancee...

M y fiancee of 4 years (would have been officially 4 years on September 30th) left me, it'll be 4 weeks ago this Monday. She said I wasn't making her happy.

 

The day she dumped me, August 18th, she sent me an email and called me and told me to read it, and not call her until I read it, I already had my email open, so I started reading it and immediately started crying. I actually had to leave, right then, for a dentist appointment, and so I didn't read it until I came back 2 hours later. I cried and cried, I have been since then, I tried to call her like she told me to, but she didn't answer until the night after. She told me on the phone that I hadn't been making her happy for the last year and half. We went to high school together, and now we go to the same college . A few days later I came over to get my things, and I asked her little brother if he wanted to hang out for the day, and when I came back to drop him off, there was another guy in her bed, my bed. It came out that she has been talking to him online for 2 months, and that she had met him at work. I actually came to this website and read that she joined the experience "I have met a man that makes me happy" the day we broke up. The week after she dumped me, she spent the weekend with him in Maine. Apparently, they've been going to dinner for weeks and she never told me, she's never wanted to go on trips with me and barely went out to dinner with me. She said on the phone that it was none of my business, since I was no longer with her - so she didn't need to tell me anything. But, I said, she never told me anything for the 2 months they had been talking online.

We still are carpooling into and out of school still, this guy, Steve also goes to our college. It makes me sad because this guy is kind of chubby, has no muscle definition, and all round not very good looking. I already have an extremely low self image, and now I know that I must be uglier than this guy. I'm 21, she's 19, I thought she needed someone younger, a few of my friends - and I don't have many - said she may have wanted someone closer to her age. It turns out Steve is 31 and turned 31 the weekend they spend in Maine this depresses me even more. I spend a lot of time with her still. But I know she doesn't really like it, even if she says she does it's only because I'm... so close to the edge, and her and I know the only thing keeping me alive is the thought that she loves me - even if it's not in the same way I love her. I ask her if I'm good looking, but I know that I can't be.

DuncanMcNeil DuncanMcNeil 18-21, M 5 Responses Sep 13, 2008

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Duncan,

It's been nearly 5 years since you wrote this, and likely this won't reach you, but I do hope that things for you have gotten better, that you've moved past this and found someone who was meant for you. I, like many others, know the pain you felt.

The way she let you know tells me that she needs an older man in her life! She is acting like a child and she's playing with you by interacting with you everyday even though she knows it's hurting you. This guy will last 6 months - tops and then she may or she may not start kreeping around you again. If she does, pls tread very, very carefully. Going back to someone who hurt you is difficult enough; the pain they put you through makes it such a challenge to trust. Also though, everyday will be difficult b/c (if your experience is anything like mine) your self-esteem will take an even greater nose-dive b/c you'll constantly be asking yourself if your attractive, if she's really serious this time, if she really loves you, etc. So be careful. The second time around is painful. Trust me on that one. My guy (not anymore, of course; I dumped him the next day) didn't even call me the night before I had a 7 hour operation. I understand why he wasn't there: he had a hockey tournament. I get that. I do. Nothing much can keep me from Hockey Night in Canada, either. ;) But to not call your girlfriend of 5 years the night before she has a 7 hour operation? Knowing she could die on the table? OMG! He finally called the next day when I was heavily sedated and in tremendous pain; my father answered the phone and held it to my ear (he couldn't even speak to this guy he was so furious. My Dad's a Marine, he really shouldn't have messed with his little girl!) I was in so much pain and all I could think about was that I could have died - I came close to it - and he didn't care about me enough to call. After he said his usual "Hey, shortstuff, how 'ya doing?" I managed a croaky "leave me alone. for good." And my father, smiling, hung up the phone. But man, the pain. And I'm not talking about from the surgery. He called almost every night of my 6 month recovery and there wasn't anything I could do to stop him. Every call was a knife in my heart; I was trying to let this man go. Hearing his voice every day didn't help. Wow. I'm rambling about me.Sorry! What I was originally going to say was, don't read too much into her choice of man when it comes to looks. If he's that much older than her, she's not seeing his looks; he's most likely putting on a "I'm a man of the world, a real Renaissance Man routinefor her. At her age, he'll seem like he knows everything. When in reality, he sounds just 2 steps removed from a pediphile.And pls stop worrying about your looks. You look just fine. Trust me. ;)

Oh I am so sorry about how she let you know. Not even respecting you enough to talk to your face or even accept your call. I know that your heart is probably still very sore, but I hope that now by March that you have some balance in your life. I just came across your story and it really resonated with me with my situation. I am worried for the same thing. I hope that you are well.

Tough luck, I've just had the same thing a week ago. Usually young women find that Marage isn't just the next step its the big ball and chain. They'll be forever locked, and miss out on their dreams. Your not the only one and life does go on.<br />
What usually happens is they realise too late that complete and utter devotoian is what you've given them. then they beg to come back. I say too late, I gave you my heart and you broke it. Why would i give you the chance to do it again? Even if you do feel something for them, and they promis not to do it again, trust is very hard to regain. Don't worry about your looks, its just an excuse. With all the love you can give you will find someone for you. Give it time, try not to rush into it.

i sent you a hug.