Devastation

Fell in love for the very first time on my 34th birthday 10 years ago. i have spent the last decade head over heels in love with him. It was never a great relationship. I think I was overwhelmed by my feelings and slightly in awe of him. Before he came along I would never tolerate any nonsence and had always been in control of my life. i found myself dancing to his tune.and not liking that side of me but i was so besotted with him that i. wanted to keep him. Deep in my. heart I knew thevrelationship was based on sex but it was so passionate and fantastic that I was hooked although i found myself withdrawing from the relationship as he was as i could sense hurt heading my way. I should have faced this but i couldnt bear to. A week ago he drops the bombshell that he met someone else 4 weeks ago. I couldnt take it in. The shock and pain was unbearable. But to make it worse he tells me that he doesnt want to lose me. Sex with thiis other woman is not good but "he likes her". He tells me I am his sex soulmate and wants us to. carry on. His words were "this is not the end but the beginning"!!. I couldnt take it in. I told him that i had loved him madly and he said he didnt rerealise that. I am ashamed to say that i went to bed with him right then I dont think i was ready to let him go. we had intense passionate sex. I didnt even know what i was feeling other than emotional. i found myself agreeing to be his bit on the side. How insane is that. After he left the following day i finally cried and i have cried every day since. I cannot bear the thought of losing him but i cannot be his bit on the side either. He has rung me twice since monday and i didnt answer the fone. I sent him a text saying i need some time away. This pain is unbearable. I have never felt so sad ever. I am battling with myself to keep my self respect and tell him where to go but i miss him so much. How can a man meet a new woman and rather have sex with someone they have been with for 10 years? That is the only part of this that makes me feel better but i want his love not just his body. I feel there are so many questions that need answering but i know i need to just walk away. Help would be so appreciated.
susie1604 susie1604
41-45
1 Response May 19, 2012

You can handle life without him, even if it seems like right now you cannot. You'll see.

It seems like he does not want to be in a monogamous relationship. His being with other women can add a lot of hot passion to your relationship that may surprise and excite you. Maybe you will feel pain but think of how the pain is there anyway because there is no passion, the relationship is dull, dying etc. - that's all pain, so what difference does it make, if you will be in pain, it may as well be hot and sexy pain? Eventually it goes away and all that is left is pleasure, if you play it right. Maybe this is the sacrifice you have to make for him. If you want him, you will have to accept that he is with other women.

My gut instinct though, based on what you posted, is that this guy is not the one for you. But it's still hot he wants you as a bit on the side and you agreed to it. If it was me, I'd keep having sex with him and let him have his other women too, just because it's so hot, even if it hurts.