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That's All That Matters

So I took the plunge 8 months ago....

Wow. I mean, we didn't have a wedding, we just went down to the court house and took care of business but the whole way there I kept turning around to make sure him and his best friend were still there. I had cold feet, I mean I was 17 at the time. He had cold feet although he didn't admit it until afterword. He was strong and supportive for me and I love him that much more because of it.

 

Hardly anyone was happy for us, we sat through about 10 lectures from several people about how we were too young to get married and how big a commitment it was. The fact it: I love him more than anything, he was my first and I can't even imagine being with anyone else. I don't pretend that things are going to be easy (and him joining the army doesn't help) but as long as we fight for each other and try our best to do right by each other then I have faith that we will be okay. He loves me and I love him, and we're happy. In the end thats all that matters.

MrsLaing MrsLaing 18-21, F 22 Responses Oct 8, 2008

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Enjoy your freedom. I cannot get married to my partner of 18 years, about as old as you, because I am homosexual.

I got married at 28 and stayed married for 19 years before we divorced and I thought I was being smart waiting until my late twenties. Your marriage will only work if you BOTH have the same philosophy and attitudes about the marriage. It seems really great right now but it will wear off. Kids will come and consume your time and disrupt your "alone time" with each other. Guys get restless too, which can be problematic. Upstate provided good questions to ponder too. <br />
I suggest exploring this site and keep an open mind. You both should have an understanding of expectations (write them down!) - highly recommended. And then review them from time to time together. You guys will endure if you both are totally committed and open minded; trustful and open; communicable and patient. You guys will be OK. Good luck. Wes

i am so happy for you and i wish you and your husband the best,it is hard,i've been married for almost 3 years now,but if you love each other and hang on to that you will make it,i am so happy for you.<br />
<br />
Don't let anyone rule your marriage,its you and him,your a team and no one else can join,don't let anyone that includes family come between that.

In The United States of America, you have to be 18 to wed or have parental permission.

Right now I'm 23, and all I have to tell you, besides -- best of luck!! is please be careful. Work towards a profession and secure yourself regardless. I am a completely different person now at 23, than I was at 17. Some things are the same, but I have changed tremendously. Many of my closest friends got together at 16, 17, and all but one couple broke up. One couple broke up after being together 7 years. As others have been saying, marrying young is very risky. Stay safe and have a good support group among family and friends.

Hi Congrats!<br />
<br />
There is no definate age where people gets married. I am 30 years old and am having a bad relationship myself. She is my first love and we love each other very much. Does love conquer all, I don't know anymore. <br />
<br />
There are many concerns at starting a marriage at a young age. As people grows older and matures, their needs and wants will change. There will be many negative influences that will arise with life. When a person grows older he/she will be slap with THE REALITY OF LIFE. Bills have to be paid, work stress, family planning, making major decisions like moving to other states or places to live and what about bringing up your kids when your have them. There are heaps more of this which can cause alot of stress, frustration and may come to a point where your may even doubt your marriage. These are the experiences where even the most mature or oldest couple will face and unfortunately not all gets through. <br />
<br />
In my opinion, a successful marriage really depends on the couple, how understanding, patience and faithful they are to each other. How well they communicate and solve problems together. How they respect and support each other on every thing(good decent things that is) from work to their families. How they can grow together and improve for the better. How both parties can go through hardship together(easier said then done). Remember, 'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'. The more a couple goes through together the tougher the relationship will become. The harder they work at it, the stronger the bond will be.<br />
<br />
Age does play a part but definately NOT everything or a determining factor to the success of a marriage. How your both grow together and continue loving each other is most important! When your have reached your senior years and look back in life, how far and long the journey was, it will give your a warmth feeling and everything will be worth it.<br />
<br />
Best wishes!

Plenty of cultures in history have had women your age and younger marry and stay married happily. Your marriage CERTAINLY can work if you and your husband want it to.<br />
What will make for a happy marriage?<br />
1. Make Christ the center of your marriage.<br />
2. Take seriously those sacred vows you took. Meditate upon them.<br />
3. Do not make feelings foremost. Put principles, integrity, and piety ahead of feelings. Understand the difference between love and "falling in love." Love is a choice, love is action. Falling in love is a temporary form of insanity which scientists have discovered to be a biochemical addiction occurring within the body, especially the brain. In my view this is designed by God to be a potential bridge/transition to a mature, durable love. But these chemicals wear off after about three to five years, and when that happens women especially are vulnerable to feeling lost, thinking that the passing of those earlier feelings means they made a mistake, they're in the wrong relationship, and the present relationship can't be made to work for them. This is part of the reason why women are the initiators of three-fourths of divorces. You can read about this phenomenon on the website for the book Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley. Don't imagine you could never face those feelings. Instead prepare yourself to face them down and you can get past them and be a shining beacon to others. My best wishes and prayer.

Thanks. =)

That is your opinion. and I feel sorry for someone that lives with such a jaded view of life. No doubt there will be days when I ask myself 'what the hell did I get myself into' but I'll make it through it. I love my husband and we have been through a lot together. He is in the Army right now and as hard as it is I have stayed by his side, and he has been at mine when I need him. We WILL make this work. I wish you the best as well, and I hope one day you find someone that will change your mind.

I hate to say it, but love isn't enough.<br />
<br />
I wish you the best, but statistically the younger you marry the more likely you are to divorce.<br />
<br />
Sure people will come back with "but my grandparents married at 16 and have been married 50 years!"<br />
<br />
Guess what- life was a lot different then, at 16 people were grown up, done with high school, starting their careers, now people are well into their 20s and still living off of their parents.<br />
<br />
Love isn't enough, it's not going to be enough when you realize that there is no money to pay the bills and take care of yourselves.<br />
<br />
Again I wish you the best, but it's naive to say "love is all we need" IMO.

Dear,<br />
(don't know your first name)<br />
I wish with all my heart that it works out for you and turns out to be your best decision. You two look really sweet together. I wish and hope you avoid the sour experiences that most married couples face.<br />
Take care :)<br />
(It took me a while to get over the shock of knowing that you can be married at 17. Personally I feel very distressed when I see that most of the American TV programs show that it is ok to kiss at 14, coz I don't think it is... but that is a matter of personal perspective.)

Thank you all for your comments and advice.<br />
Yes Skylightangel, its legal for me to be married, <br />
you have to have parental consent though (but I'm 18 now so it doesn't really matter anymore).<br />
<br />
I hope it does work out, and if you are one of those people shaking your head, convinced that I don't know what I've got myself into, know this:<br />
<br />
There are no truly bad decisions in life, <br />
some you learn from,<br />
some you laugh from,<br />
but you only get out of life what you put in.<br />
No matter what happens the decisions I've made have made me the person I am today, and I'll never regret them.<br />
<br />
So think what you will, but no matter how hard the road that lies ahead, I'm taking it step by step and enjoying every second I can, hopefully you all will do the same.<br />
<br />
=) Thanks Again!

Wow! Is it legal in your country to be married at 17? In my country the female has to be at least 18 years old, and the male has to be at least 21 years old to be eligible to marry.

Hi "new persons". I say that because I am an "ancient person" in comparison to you adorable love birds. <br />
<br />
Here is something to consider in your arguments. <br />
<br />
1. Love is not something that you can make up. <br />
2. Love does not show up just to be swept under the rug.<br />
3. Whether or not you stay together forever, you will always remember this wonderful time in your lives. <br />
4. When you want love to continue, it does have to be fed. <br />
5. Feed love with the following things: (Tell those who are "nay saying" your marriage that you have this basic list to follow. Their eyes will get wide, mouths will drop open, and they will figure that you actually know a great deal about life and love.)<br />
<br />
a. Never use the "D" word ( I will divorce you because...)<br />
b. Find something you genuinely like about your mate several times a day and tell it to them.<br />
c. For every negative that you must discuss ( things like you left the toolthpaste cap off, or I had to clean up the water splashes you left alll over the sink and deck, or I wish you would not..) give at least 3 positives to your mate in that day.<br />
e. Look at your mate when they speak to you, when it is something important to your mate, look at them AND stop all other activity so that you can truly listen and they know that you care enough to stop what you are doing. <br />
f. Do your finances together. Have separate checking but share savings. Choose what bills are paid by whom. And have a certain amount for self up kep and for gift giving. Be faithful to pay those bills on time. Show that you are able and willing to give up IMMEDIATE gratification so that you can meet bills and make savings toward your goals. <br />
g. Remember their birthday, your anniversary, other personal special days, AND the birthdays of those who are close to both of you.<br />
h. do what they like as often as you can. It can be getting tickets to something, making favorite food, being home during a certain meal, having coffee together in the morning, back rubs, picking and aranging flowers, setting out candles, wearing their favorite perfume, whatever it is, never stop doing it. <br />
i.NEVER ever say that they are dumb, stupid, slow, "special", ugly, and etc. <br />
They must always feel that they are acceptable and loved. <br />
<br />
You can show disappointment and demand their best effort when they break the rules or bonds of friendship, marital findelity, fincial agreement or rules of safety. <br />
<br />
Good luck as you think about this and form the boundaries of your special relationship. <br />
<br />
R

i also got married young and got them same talks.. <br />
<br />
been married 6 months now and going strong.. <br />
<br />
as long as you and him know its the best thats what matters. trust me..

Upstate, I hardly think reflecting on whether it was a mistake is going to help now. Planning is still relevant, so I encourage that, but contemplating the path not taken will only help cause problems. <br />
<br />
Do think about how you're going to continue with your education, get jobs, and build a home and family... You have a sense of solidarity few at your age can boast about. Protect it. But also enjoy the spontaneity that comes with being 17!

I hate to rain on your parade and, while I don't doubt the trueness of your love, I am hoping that you didn't make a mistake. At 17 you haven't experienced much of life. Have you finished school? Planned a career? Is your husband planning on a militart career? Are ready to move around the country as his assignments change? How does planning a family fit in?<br />
<br />
On the positive side, my nephew who is in his twenties, joined the marines and married a girl who has a naval career. They are happily married and living in San Diego. But, even that meant relocating thousands of miles from family and friends. Are ready for that? <br />
<br />
Sorry about the questions, but that's what we parental types think about.

I identify completely. Neither my nor my boyfriend's parents think we're cut out for marriage but we feel so solid and so in love. I am so happy for you that it has worked out... I hope it continues to be as blissful... the one piece of advice I would offer is to never EVER forget to cherish the other and wait for them to cherish you. If you feel left out or annoyed, make the extra effort to be loving. Be the change you wish to see in the world, Ghandi said. Apply that to marriage and it will be a happier one.

You both are young so what, so you have all the life time to be happy fo each other and both of you have the life time to give happiness to each other so move on and keeo each other happy for life time and thats all that counts. The rests just shadows which dont count at all and dont you ever try to follow the shodows as you will never be able to do so . Be happy and keep each other happy is what i will adive you both

You didn't say much about your love life. But somehow, from what you've written, i think and feel it's beautiful. I don't know how else to say it. This is going to sound corny, but i'll say it anyway. It makes my heart overflow with love and passion for my fiance. Just by reading what you wrote. Just when i was broken and thought love could never walk into my life again, a pastry chef walked in and swept me off my feet with his strawberry cheesecake(my fav.) without me even realising it. His patience and endurance has given me new wings to fly with and i love him to the very depth of my soul. I read somewhere that ' you love a woman not because she's beautiful, but she's beautiful because you love her.' Truly, from the bottom of my heart, i wish the both of you a lifetime of happiness and peace. May God bless the both of you with joy and peace.

Congratulations!! Shake them haters off!!<br />
<br />
Chop

THAT'S RIGHT!! Don't ever listen to anyone tell you anything about your own marriage! It you two against the world sometimes, and outside forces can be harmful. There may be one or two people you can listen to in your life, but they may also have agendas and hurts that are reflected through their "advice." (I am reflecting my own bad experiences in this very post filled with advice.. see?)<br />
<br />
My husband and I got married because I was pregnant (GASP). Every single time I hear someone say, "Pregnancy isn't a good reason to get married," I think, "You silly, ignorant person." Really, what would be a "good" reason to get married? Stock options?<br />
<br />
Sometimes, the most looked-down upon marriages turn out to be the most wonderful, because the two people in that relationship are brought closer because of the outside negativity.<br />
<br />
Again, through my own experience, I have found that marriage isn't always perfect and it takes some hard work and upkeep (like marriage books and seminars and counseling), but it is SO WORTH the effort!