How Do You Move On??

I met the love of my life (so I thought) He was perfect! He cooked me dinner, cleaned my house, bought me flowers for no reason. He would call to say he missed me or loved me. Always wanted to know how I felt and how I was. He never missed a beat he was PERFECT! But now I should have seen the signs....we were together 2 weeks and I let him move in! First of many mistakes. He sent me to the store for a mop I was specific when I asked what type of mop he explained to me..so I went and got it when I returned, it wasn't the "right" mop and he said "i guess i have to get things myself" I was shocked...so what I made a mistake. He told me that if I didnt listen to him then why were we in a relationship? I broke down and cried...I begged him not to leave me over a mop and that was the beginning of me losing myself! For the next year I went from happier then I have ever been one day to miserable the next day and by about the 10th month of our relationship I was crying when i got into work, crying on my way home, in the shower, and in the middle of the night. I prayed to God to help me and I never got what I needed. I wanted to please him or not live. And many times I seriously thought about how to do it. He had me so screwed up i have stabbed myself in the leg, tried to cut myself and even hitting my head on the wall or stairs(like a child) He would yell at me or make me so small that I went out of my own body and my own control. There were a lot of controlling things that happened in between. He emotionally, mentally, and slightly physically abused me for a year and later i will talk about those..but now....
I left him..moved out...got a protective order but I still think about him, I still miss him! How can I feel that way about someone who made me feel so horrible?? Im depressed...when I get alone I cry! I dont know how to get over him. I know its only been 4 months but i need to find myself and move on with MY life!
thiswordfallsonme thiswordfallsonme
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

I had a pretty similar relationship like that, he started out amazing, texting me, telling me he loved her so early, wanting to marry me after two weeks. I moved in with him after only a couple months and that is when it went down hill.. he complained about everything, went cold and it just left me trying harder and harder to get him back to what I thought he was at the expense of my own happiness.. I too was crying all the time and completely unhappy.. He would go from I love you to actually maybe I dont, and then back again. but still it has only been two months since we broke up and I have to fight SO hard not to go back to him!! why? im not sure... can you even call that love? <br />
<br />
At this point, his therapist, best friend and mother have told me to move on.. so, thats a pretty big hint i guess<br />
<br />
I am reading Women who love to much by Robin norwood.. Im trying to find my role in this. I think we must ask ourselves, do we choose men like this subconciously? Is this the first relationship that you have had like this yourself?

this was the first relationship I had like this, but as its been over a year since I left him I have found myself in unhealthy relationships since then..maybe not to the extent of him but I tend to attract and fall for men who "lure" me in with charm and then treat me like dirt. The more I try to find a "good one" the more "bad ones" I find. I am beginning to feel like I am putting myself in these relationships but im unsure how to break the cycle

The only way I know how to get over a guy is by finding a new one! it works like a charm! I was obssesed over this guy for years and as soon as i had a new boyfriend to love and care about it was like magic, didn't care about him after that. I don't think it really matters if you even like the guy or not before you start hanging out with him. just pick the first guy on your path, make sure hes not evil and then voila no more problems. just make sure you dont get attached to another *******.

I was with apparently charming scientist until I realised what he is really like, it took me 7 years to get out and 1 year on now, I wish I was able to control my emotion and love for him much earlier and left sooner. Your gut feeling is always right, do not look back. Be happy and the only good thing is he taught you how to not fall the similar type ever again. You will find someone and not everyone is damaged goods. Thie type of man needs lot of fixing and they would find another victum, and it goes on but they seldom can keep them forever and thier punishment would be ending up on their own till old age.

As heard as it may be, and as simple as it may sound time while heal your broken heart. You have made a big change in your life. A POSITIVE one. I came on this site to get help for a friend of mine who is trying to break away from a bad relationship (not as bad as yourself). The simple fact that I am sending her your story to show that other women deal with the same sort of situations should show you that you carry the strength needed for all other women who are stuck in bad relationships. I believe you will find happiness one day. I once heard it takes half the time of the relationship to get over that person. I hope to hear that you are much happier in life without the abuse from your x.